So everyone's talking about how we need to get rid of all the WTC and plane hijacking and terrorism and bad mail references from popular media. We won't see George's fiancee get poisoned from licking wedding invitation envelopes, Homer won't order klav kalash and crab juice, Wesley Snipes won't kick ass in the sky, Dustin Hoffman won't save a small California town from the "Friends" monkey. And I'm sure there's tons more things that are being yanked from TV and cable and movie theatres as you read this.

Personally (and don't tell me you didn't see this coming), I (again) think people are overreacting. Remember all the TWA hijackings in the mid-1980s where Americans were executed by Arabic terrorists? There were made-for-TV movies about those within months of the actual events. And the hypocrisy of taking out certain scenes or episodes is made worse by the fact that all these current events that are actually happening and aren't a figment of some writer's imagination are being broadcasted to the masses every night on network news, where anyone of any age who can operate a remote control can tune in.

It seems, however, that people have their pressure points when giving up their favorite TV shows, and I think we just need to exercise those points and say, "Look, if that's permissible, so is the Simpsons-go-to-New-York episode of 'The Simpsons.'" As the co-executive producer of Fox's new show "24" said, "There's a lot of sick people in the world, and people still watch 'ER.'" And as Alicia Silverstone said in Clueless, "Until mankind is peaceful enough not to have violence on the news, there's no point in taking it out of shows that need it for entertainment value."

So everyone's talking about how we need to get rid of all the WTC and plane hijacking and terrorism and bad mail references from popular media. We won't see George's fiancee get poisoned from licking wedding invitation envelopes, Homer won't order klav kalash and crab juice, Wesley Snipes won't kick ass in the sky, Dustin Hoffman won't save a small California town from the "Friends" monkey. And I'm sure there's tons more things that are being yanked from TV and cable and movie theatres as you read this.

Personally (and don't tell me you didn't see this coming), I (again) think people are overreacting. Remember all the TWA hijackings in the mid-1980s where Americans were executed by Arabic terrorists? There were made-for-TV movies about those within months of the actual events. And the hypocrisy of taking out certain scenes or episodes is made worse by the fact that all these current events that are actually happening and aren't a figment of some writer's imagination are being broadcasted to the masses every night on network news, where anyone of any age who can operate a remote control can tune in.

It seems, however, that people have their pressure points when giving up their favorite TV shows, and I think we just need to exercise those points and say, "Look, if that's permissible, so is the Simpsons-go-to-New-York episode of 'The Simpsons.'" As the co-executive producer of Fox's new show "24" said, "There's a lot of sick people in the world, and people still watch 'ER.'" And as Alicia Silverstone said in Clueless, "Until mankind is peaceful enough not to have violence on the news, there's no point in taking it out of shows that need it for entertainment value."

Given the fact that people are thinking about not letting their kids trick-or-treat tonight, there may be an abundance of post-Halloween goodies at absurd clearing-out prices tomorrow at the local supermarkets & pharmacies. What will you be buying? I've got my eye on some Butterfingers & some Mounds.

Given the fact that people are thinking about not letting their kids trick-or-treat tonight, there may be an abundance of post-Halloween goodies at absurd clearing-out prices tomorrow at the local supermarkets & pharmacies. What will you be buying? I've got my eye on some Butterfingers & some Mounds.

Don't go trick or treating! Make sure your kids don't keep the candy they get from your neighbors, because they're probably in on the plot! Follow your kids around tonight, because terrorists might kidnap them from your suburb's streets! And if you don't believe me, it's all in this article! (Link pilfered from Carol.)

Damn it, I'm sick of all this crap. The government and the media aren't doing much except to make people all agitated. And I still think we'd have been a lot better off without that damn FBI alert that came out earlier this week -- people, unless you have definitive information on when & where & how this attack is going to happen, don't say anything. Americans are already freaking out and "keeping their eyes open for anything out of the ordinary," but there is no ordinary anymore! When I hear stories about people mailing in moldy food for anthrax testing, when I hear about people refusing to let a plane take off until Arabic passengers are removed from the plane, when I hear parents telling their kids they can't trick or treat because they're afraid terrorists will kill them or kidnap them or infect them with something, when I hear about metal detectors being installed in mall entrances -- that's all out of the ordinary. Keeping my eyes open for it just convinces me more & more that Americans are getting completely overwrought & blowing this situation way out of proportion.

Bloody hell, looking back on it now, I'd prefer for the nation to be worried about the whereabouts of Chandra Levy and what Nicole Kidman's going to do post-divorce. It's a hell of a lot less annoying for those of us with common sense, and it's a hell of a lot less agitating for people with nothing to do except worry about what could happen. Yes, Nicole might spend the rest of her life as a divorcee, but at least that kind of worry isn't transmittable.

Don't go trick or treating! Make sure your kids don't keep the candy they get from your neighbors, because they're probably in on the plot! Follow your kids around tonight, because terrorists might kidnap them from your suburb's streets! And if you don't believe me, it's all in this article! (Link pilfered from Carol.)

Damn it, I'm sick of all this crap. The government and the media aren't doing much except to make people all agitated. And I still think we'd have been a lot better off without that damn FBI alert that came out earlier this week -- people, unless you have definitive information on when & where & how this attack is going to happen, don't say anything. Americans are already freaking out and "keeping their eyes open for anything out of the ordinary," but there is no ordinary anymore! When I hear stories about people mailing in moldy food for anthrax testing, when I hear about people refusing to let a plane take off until Arabic passengers are removed from the plane, when I hear parents telling their kids they can't trick or treat because they're afraid terrorists will kill them or kidnap them or infect them with something, when I hear about metal detectors being installed in mall entrances -- that's all out of the ordinary. Keeping my eyes open for it just convinces me more & more that Americans are getting completely overwrought & blowing this situation way out of proportion.

Bloody hell, looking back on it now, I'd prefer for the nation to be worried about the whereabouts of Chandra Levy and what Nicole Kidman's going to do post-divorce. It's a hell of a lot less annoying for those of us with common sense, and it's a hell of a lot less agitating for people with nothing to do except worry about what could happen. Yes, Nicole might spend the rest of her life as a divorcee, but at least that kind of worry isn't transmittable.

I was invited to a Halloween party tonight. And still, I have no costume. I cancelled out on my friends last Saturday night because I didn't feel like getting a costume and going clubbing. But a party's a bit of a different thing and I wouldn't mind going to a party. So now I need a costume. Simple, easy and cheap, folks... those are the keywords for me right now.

I was invited to a Halloween party tonight. And still, I have no costume. I cancelled out on my friends last Saturday night because I didn't feel like getting a costume and going clubbing. But a party's a bit of a different thing and I wouldn't mind going to a party. So now I need a costume. Simple, easy and cheap, folks... those are the keywords for me right now.

I've been defiled. I feel taken advantage of, and I feel violated.

Mylo has attempted to hump my leg.

I should've noticed the initial signs that he's in heat, having experienced the mood swings and behaviors of a rabbit deep in the throes of the bunny-equivalent of pon farr (the mating cycle that comes every 7 years to Vulcans in which they become very irrational and have to screw or they'll die, for all you non-Trek people out there) when I had my own pet rabbit. But since Mylo's mommy had cautioned me that he has a tendency to follow people around closely so that they'll feed him and he's also a bit of a brat sometimes, I dismissed his antics as attention-seeking behavior. And even though I had my suspicions when he began biting my ankles and going after my pant legs, I still didn't think he was attempting to do what I thought he might.

But then he attempted. He made a full-on attempt. He mounted my leg while I was eating a late snack at the kitchen table and started going to town on me. And I knew -- it wasn't attention-seeking behavior, it was rampant hormones. And while I don't think that Mylo is gay, since male rabbits get so blinded by their hormones that they'll try to mount just about anything living that could allow them to bring themselves to orgasm, I just hope that he gets it out of his system quickly so that I don't have to spend a whole week fending off his rather straightforward (and somewhat painful) advances. Mylo's mommy and I will have a nice chat when she comes back from her honeymoon, at which point I will strongly advise her to find a female for Mylo to screw, otherwise he may start chasing her and her new husband around their house.

When I was back in high school, one of my mom's co-workers mentioned she had a female rabbit she was trying to find a mate for, so we took the female bunny back to our house for a night and threw her in my rabbit's cage. Suffice to say that my bunny was so excited and so overwhelmed by his hormones, he mounted the wrong end. And if you've ever seen a male bunny in action, it's literally like a jackhammer. I felt so sorry for this poor female bunny, getting her head pounded into the bottom of the cage and yet we couldn't do anything to stop my rabbit because every time we went near him, he tried biting us. They screwed all night... just like rabbits. He couldn't get enough of her. In the morning, when it was time to give the female back to her owner, I noticed tufts of her fur all over the cage -- my rabbit had bitten off clumps of her fur during their wild night of sex. To make matters worse, he didn't want to part with her, and every time my mom or I reached into his cage, he'd bite us -- something he hadn't done since the first week we had him when he was terrified of us. We eventually had to lure him out with a very big carrot, then my mom scooped him up and held him while I grabbed the female out of the cage and carried her off.

At this point, I think the only thing I can do is put my head in my hands and say, "Oy vey." And try to keep my limbs out of his reach.

I've been defiled. I feel taken advantage of, and I feel violated.

Mylo has attempted to hump my leg.

I should've noticed the initial signs that he's in heat, having experienced the mood swings and behaviors of a rabbit deep in the throes of the bunny-equivalent of pon farr (the mating cycle that comes every 7 years to Vulcans in which they become very irrational and have to screw or they'll die, for all you non-Trek people out there) when I had my own pet rabbit. But since Mylo's mommy had cautioned me that he has a tendency to follow people around closely so that they'll feed him and he's also a bit of a brat sometimes, I dismissed his antics as attention-seeking behavior. And even though I had my suspicions when he began biting my ankles and going after my pant legs, I still didn't think he was attempting to do what I thought he might.

But then he attempted. He made a full-on attempt. He mounted my leg while I was eating a late snack at the kitchen table and started going to town on me. And I knew -- it wasn't attention-seeking behavior, it was rampant hormones. And while I don't think that Mylo is gay, since male rabbits get so blinded by their hormones that they'll try to mount just about anything living that could allow them to bring themselves to orgasm, I just hope that he gets it out of his system quickly so that I don't have to spend a whole week fending off his rather straightforward (and somewhat painful) advances. Mylo's mommy and I will have a nice chat when she comes back from her honeymoon, at which point I will strongly advise her to find a female for Mylo to screw, otherwise he may start chasing her and her new husband around their house.

When I was back in high school, one of my mom's co-workers mentioned she had a female rabbit she was trying to find a mate for, so we took the female bunny back to our house for a night and threw her in my rabbit's cage. Suffice to say that my bunny was so excited and so overwhelmed by his hormones, he mounted the wrong end. And if you've ever seen a male bunny in action, it's literally like a jackhammer. I felt so sorry for this poor female bunny, getting her head pounded into the bottom of the cage and yet we couldn't do anything to stop my rabbit because every time we went near him, he tried biting us. They screwed all night... just like rabbits. He couldn't get enough of her. In the morning, when it was time to give the female back to her owner, I noticed tufts of her fur all over the cage -- my rabbit had bitten off clumps of her fur during their wild night of sex. To make matters worse, he didn't want to part with her, and every time my mom or I reached into his cage, he'd bite us -- something he hadn't done since the first week we had him when he was terrified of us. We eventually had to lure him out with a very big carrot, then my mom scooped him up and held him while I grabbed the female out of the cage and carried her off.

At this point, I think the only thing I can do is put my head in my hands and say, "Oy vey." And try to keep my limbs out of his reach.

Friends don't let friends phone stupidly. And if you're the elderly woman who's called me literally 6 times in the last 4 minutes, call one of your friends and discuss the issue, don't keep pestering me. Here's roughly how it went down:

1st call, 7:24 PM
Me: upon seeing a strange number on the Caller ID that I didn't recognize Hello?
Her: Hello?
Me: Hello?
Her: Is this CBS Radio?
Me: No, I'm sorry, you have the wrong number.
Her: [click]
Me: Well, that was kind of rude... not even an "oh, I'm sorry."

2nd call, 7:24 PM
Me: Hello?
Her: Hello, is this CBS Radio?
Me: No, you have the wrong number.
Her: [click]
Me: Goddamn it, stupid people suck.

3rd call, 7:25 PM
Me: after seeing the Caller ID come up with the same number Hello, you have the wrong number.
Her: [click]

4th call, 7:26 PM
Me: again, seeing same number on Caller ID Lady, you have the wrong number. Look up the right number and stop calling me!
Her: [click]

5th call, 7:26 PM
Me: really frustrated at this point and wondering why the hell I keep picking up the phone, and realizing that if I don't eventually convince her to stop calling me, she'll probably do it all night Lady, stop calling me!
Her: [click]
Me: [expletive deleted, expletive deleted, expletive deleted]

6th call, 7:26 PM
Me: Goddammit, you have the wrong--
Her: [click]

I guess it was the swearing that got to her. She's probably whipping out the ol' Smith-Corona to type CBS Radio a complaint letter about how one of their operators was extremely rude to her and they should give her a free radio to compensate her for her emotional damages. Either that, or I'm going to be featured on the next Jerky Boys CD.

Friends don't let friends phone stupidly. And if you're the elderly woman who's called me literally 6 times in the last 4 minutes, call one of your friends and discuss the issue, don't keep pestering me. Here's roughly how it went down:

1st call, 7:24 PM
Me: upon seeing a strange number on the Caller ID that I didn't recognize Hello?
Her: Hello?
Me: Hello?
Her: Is this CBS Radio?
Me: No, I'm sorry, you have the wrong number.
Her: [click]
Me: Well, that was kind of rude... not even an "oh, I'm sorry."

2nd call, 7:24 PM
Me: Hello?
Her: Hello, is this CBS Radio?
Me: No, you have the wrong number.
Her: [click]
Me: Goddamn it, stupid people suck.

3rd call, 7:25 PM
Me: after seeing the Caller ID come up with the same number Hello, you have the wrong number.
Her: [click]

4th call, 7:26 PM
Me: again, seeing same number on Caller ID Lady, you have the wrong number. Look up the right number and stop calling me!
Her: [click]

5th call, 7:26 PM
Me: really frustrated at this point and wondering why the hell I keep picking up the phone, and realizing that if I don't eventually convince her to stop calling me, she'll probably do it all night Lady, stop calling me!
Her: [click]
Me: [expletive deleted, expletive deleted, expletive deleted]

6th call, 7:26 PM
Me: Goddammit, you have the wrong--
Her: [click]

I guess it was the swearing that got to her. She's probably whipping out the ol' Smith-Corona to type CBS Radio a complaint letter about how one of their operators was extremely rude to her and they should give her a free radio to compensate her for her emotional damages. Either that, or I'm going to be featured on the next Jerky Boys CD.

I got not one, but two lovely rejection letters in the mail today! At the rate I'm going, I'll soon have enough paper from all these job rejections to build a fort in my parents' backyard, because that's where I'll be living soon if I don't get some income.

Someone. Hire me, please. Before my brain melts out my ears and I completely lose it. Because you know what happens when I lose it. I go running down Comm Ave with a water cannon, laughing maniacally as I hose down pedestrians and college students and people on bikes and bad drivers, screaming obscenities in strange and obscure languages like Yiddish and Klingon. Just you wait.

I got not one, but two lovely rejection letters in the mail today! At the rate I'm going, I'll soon have enough paper from all these job rejections to build a fort in my parents' backyard, because that's where I'll be living soon if I don't get some income.

Someone. Hire me, please. Before my brain melts out my ears and I completely lose it. Because you know what happens when I lose it. I go running down Comm Ave with a water cannon, laughing maniacally as I hose down pedestrians and college students and people on bikes and bad drivers, screaming obscenities in strange and obscure languages like Yiddish and Klingon. Just you wait.

No offense to any Texans who might be reading, but you guys have got some real winners down there. First you sic both the Bush boys on us, and now you've got David Dewhurst creating a political stir.

Seems Mr. Dewhurst wanted to hammer home the message that he's a blue-blooded patriot, which should be reason enough to elect him to the office of lieutenant governor as well as keep people's confidence in him as newly-appointed Head of Homeland Security, so he took a four-page ad in Texas Monthly telling everyone what a great American he is. Apparently, his graphic designer wasn't too convinced of this, as one of the four pages of the spread showed a picture of a man in uniform standing in front of an American flag. Too bad the man was wearing the uniform of the Luftwaffe -- the German Air Force.

No one on Dewhurst's campaign caught it, but the local papers all did. The Dallas Morning News ran a story on it featuring a quote from a campaign aide, who said the graphics designer "has been dealt with appropriately." Can we say "sacked"? Can we say "will never work on a political campaign ad again"? I knew we could...