Okay, folks, it's time to play that wonderful game, "Match the Quote to the John Hughes Movie!" We have here five quotes and five movies that the Illinois Maestro of Movies directed. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to correctly identify which quote goes to which movie. Answers posted tomorrow. Here we go!

1. Pretty in Pink
2. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
3. Sixteen Candles
4. The Breakfast Club
5. Planes, Trains and Automobiles

a. "What was he wearing? Well, uh, let's see... he was wearing a red argyle sweater, tan trousers and red shoes -- no, he's not retarded."
b. "You know when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea: have a point! It makes it so much more enjoyable for the listener!"
c. "This is a really volcanic ensemble you're wearing."
d. "There is an intruder -- male, Caucasian, possibly armed, certainly weird -- in my kitchen."
e. "Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch. All the food groups are represented. Did you mom marry Mr. Rogers?"

Okay, folks, it's time to play that wonderful game, "Match the Quote to the John Hughes Movie!" We have here five quotes and five movies that the Illinois Maestro of Movies directed. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to correctly identify which quote goes to which movie. Answers posted tomorrow. Here we go!

1. Pretty in Pink
2. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
3. Sixteen Candles
4. The Breakfast Club
5. Planes, Trains and Automobiles

a. "What was he wearing? Well, uh, let's see... he was wearing a red argyle sweater, tan trousers and red shoes -- no, he's not retarded."
b. "You know when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea: have a point! It makes it so much more enjoyable for the listener!"
c. "This is a really volcanic ensemble you're wearing."
d. "There is an intruder -- male, Caucasian, possibly armed, certainly weird -- in my kitchen."
e. "Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch. All the food groups are represented. Did you mom marry Mr. Rogers?"

Apparently, local Fox news sensationalist stories are a national trend, not just localized to Boston. I'm listening to my usual kick-ass Salt Lake City station and heard a commercial for one of the stories that Fox 9 in Salt Lake City is working on for tonight's Fox News at Ten. Basically, it was something along the lines of a Venezuelan family who came to Utah with their kid, looking for a new life in middle America, replete with democracy and the freedom to buy Twinkies whenever they want, when the kid went for a walk one day and never came back.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yes, I too expected the next line to be "He was abducted by terrorists! Find out how to protect your children from terrorists lurking in the hills on tonight's Fox News at Ten!" Sadly, it had more to do with how his parents will have to return to Venezuela and face the shame being pelted at them by their fellow villagers for allowing America to swallow their son whole. How about just the personal anguish of parents who lost their child? Isn't that sensational enough, or do they really have to bring in the scorn of villagers that heaped more pain on these poor parents?

"Tomorrow, on Fox News at Ten: media sensationalism run amok... caused by terrorists! Find out how we're playing on your fear of terrorism to get ratings, and how we're producing these scare-the-piss-out-of-the-public pieces to keep you from figuring out there's actually no substance to our news stories so you won't change the channel!"

Apparently, local Fox news sensationalist stories are a national trend, not just localized to Boston. I'm listening to my usual kick-ass Salt Lake City station and heard a commercial for one of the stories that Fox 9 in Salt Lake City is working on for tonight's Fox News at Ten. Basically, it was something along the lines of a Venezuelan family who came to Utah with their kid, looking for a new life in middle America, replete with democracy and the freedom to buy Twinkies whenever they want, when the kid went for a walk one day and never came back.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yes, I too expected the next line to be "He was abducted by terrorists! Find out how to protect your children from terrorists lurking in the hills on tonight's Fox News at Ten!" Sadly, it had more to do with how his parents will have to return to Venezuela and face the shame being pelted at them by their fellow villagers for allowing America to swallow their son whole. How about just the personal anguish of parents who lost their child? Isn't that sensational enough, or do they really have to bring in the scorn of villagers that heaped more pain on these poor parents?

"Tomorrow, on Fox News at Ten: media sensationalism run amok... caused by terrorists! Find out how we're playing on your fear of terrorism to get ratings, and how we're producing these scare-the-piss-out-of-the-public pieces to keep you from figuring out there's actually no substance to our news stories so you won't change the channel!"

So I'm officially going to L.A. this weekend. My flights are booked (yes, I really am taking the renumbered-as-Flight-25 American Airlines Flight 11, so I really am putting my frequent flier miles where my big mouth is), my rental car is reserved (even though the bastards wouldn't let me slide with the under-25 thing -- it's 3 weeks, people! I could be 26 and I'll still be at equal risk of crashing the car) and my friend has granted me use of her couch. Any cool places I need to go while I'm out there?

Sadly, though, Weather Underground (which I find to be more accurate, more helpful and easier to use than the Weather Channel's site) is predicting rain for this coming weekend in Los Angeles. Rain? It never rains in L.A.! As I pointed out in What I Learned in Southern California from my trip out there in August, it may look like it's going to rain, but it never actually does.

So I'm officially going to L.A. this weekend. My flights are booked (yes, I really am taking the renumbered-as-Flight-25 American Airlines Flight 11, so I really am putting my frequent flier miles where my big mouth is), my rental car is reserved (even though the bastards wouldn't let me slide with the under-25 thing -- it's 3 weeks, people! I could be 26 and I'll still be at equal risk of crashing the car) and my friend has granted me use of her couch. Any cool places I need to go while I'm out there?

Sadly, though, Weather Underground (which I find to be more accurate, more helpful and easier to use than the Weather Channel's site) is predicting rain for this coming weekend in Los Angeles. Rain? It never rains in L.A.! As I pointed out in What I Learned in Southern California from my trip out there in August, it may look like it's going to rain, but it never actually does.

Eyes open. There's some kind of harsh noise going on outside my room. Brain slowly spinning up... Uhhh, nope, can't recognize it. Attempting to imitate the noise by humming -- no, bad idea, harmonics are making my head vibrate uncomfortably.

Apparently, the neighbors decided that this morning would be a good time to strip their floors using some high-powered machine, though I wasn't too pleased when they started at 8:30AM. To top things off, my Internet access has been spotty this morning and probably will continue to be spotty for the rest of the afternoon. So if I'm not posting, it's because I can't access the web, not because I don't love each and every one of you.

Eyes open. There's some kind of harsh noise going on outside my room. Brain slowly spinning up... Uhhh, nope, can't recognize it. Attempting to imitate the noise by humming -- no, bad idea, harmonics are making my head vibrate uncomfortably.

Apparently, the neighbors decided that this morning would be a good time to strip their floors using some high-powered machine, though I wasn't too pleased when they started at 8:30AM. To top things off, my Internet access has been spotty this morning and probably will continue to be spotty for the rest of the afternoon. So if I'm not posting, it's because I can't access the web, not because I don't love each and every one of you.

Ever looked at a word, had that niggling little feeling in the back of your mind that it just plain looks wrong yet you rationally know that it's spelled right? Ever looked at a word and thought "how in hell did that ever come into the English language, and why does it mean what it means?" I've been experiencing that a lot lately, though I'm not quite sure if it's my mind playing tricks on me or the space-time continuum unraveling around my personal existence.

Words I've looked hard at and wondered about include:
- length
- absurd
- nefarious
- behavior
- imminent
- barrage

Then, of course, we have the other trickery that abounds in the English language, such as words that have more than one definition, but those multiple definitions are exact opposites of each other. Take the word "cleave," for example, which includes in its definition both "to adhere to" and "to separate."

Now that my brain feels like it's about to overload with all this strange information, I'm going to bed.

Ever looked at a word, had that niggling little feeling in the back of your mind that it just plain looks wrong yet you rationally know that it's spelled right? Ever looked at a word and thought "how in hell did that ever come into the English language, and why does it mean what it means?" I've been experiencing that a lot lately, though I'm not quite sure if it's my mind playing tricks on me or the space-time continuum unraveling around my personal existence.

Words I've looked hard at and wondered about include:
- length
- absurd
- nefarious
- behavior
- imminent
- barrage

Then, of course, we have the other trickery that abounds in the English language, such as words that have more than one definition, but those multiple definitions are exact opposites of each other. Take the word "cleave," for example, which includes in its definition both "to adhere to" and "to separate."

Now that my brain feels like it's about to overload with all this strange information, I'm going to bed.

I'm still at a loss to explain the appeal behind celebrity editions of reality TV shows. While it's fun for people to see how their favorite celebs stack up on various game shows, I thought the entire point behind reality TV shows was to see ordinary people like yourself doing absurd things for money. It's more fun when it's ordinary people making asses of themselves because celebrities can do it and we'll still worship them.

Having said that, despite my huge crush on the lovely Kelly Preston, I will not be watching "Celebrity Fear Factor."

I'm still at a loss to explain the appeal behind celebrity editions of reality TV shows. While it's fun for people to see how their favorite celebs stack up on various game shows, I thought the entire point behind reality TV shows was to see ordinary people like yourself doing absurd things for money. It's more fun when it's ordinary people making asses of themselves because celebrities can do it and we'll still worship them.

Having said that, despite my huge crush on the lovely Kelly Preston, I will not be watching "Celebrity Fear Factor."

Addendum to the November 22nd post about my mom being God (which would make me Jesus, son of God). From an IM conversation tonight with Meredith:

Meredith (9:38 PM): actually . . . take it personally, get all upset, and complain about it. you're funny when you complain. of course, you might not like being annoyed, even if the rest of us find your people-make-me-sick prose entertaining
Me (9:38 PM): yeah, i know. that's kind of the absurdity of it all. i get annoyed, other people get entertained by it. and i have no idea why all this stupid crap happens to me. i'm like a magnet for insanity.
Meredith (9:39 PM): consider it your gift to humanity. crap could happen to all of us, but instead it's concentrated into you, because God knows that Keith'll be able to make light of this and help people to find humor in their miserable lives.
Meredith (9:40 PM): you suffer for us.
Meredith (9:40 PM): HEY
Meredith (9:40 PM): maybe you are like Jesus, and your mom IS God.
Me (9:40 PM): and i'm also the son of god, and i'm jewish, right?
Meredith (9:40 PM): wow
Meredith (9:40 PM): cool
Meredith (9:40 PM): how do you feel about crowns of thorns?
Me (9:40 PM): remind me to do that water-to-wine trick at my next party.
Meredith (9:40 PM): coool

Addendum to the November 22nd post about my mom being God (which would make me Jesus, son of God). From an IM conversation tonight with Meredith:

Meredith (9:38 PM): actually . . . take it personally, get all upset, and complain about it. you're funny when you complain. of course, you might not like being annoyed, even if the rest of us find your people-make-me-sick prose entertaining
Me (9:38 PM): yeah, i know. that's kind of the absurdity of it all. i get annoyed, other people get entertained by it. and i have no idea why all this stupid crap happens to me. i'm like a magnet for insanity.
Meredith (9:39 PM): consider it your gift to humanity. crap could happen to all of us, but instead it's concentrated into you, because God knows that Keith'll be able to make light of this and help people to find humor in their miserable lives.
Meredith (9:40 PM): you suffer for us.
Meredith (9:40 PM): HEY
Meredith (9:40 PM): maybe you are like Jesus, and your mom IS God.
Me (9:40 PM): and i'm also the son of god, and i'm jewish, right?
Meredith (9:40 PM): wow
Meredith (9:40 PM): cool
Meredith (9:40 PM): how do you feel about crowns of thorns?
Me (9:40 PM): remind me to do that water-to-wine trick at my next party.
Meredith (9:40 PM): coool

You're the President. Your "war on terrorism" is starting to wane in the public attention. Your approval rating is dropping again as people are starting to realize that your public statements actually don't contain any substance, only grandiose words about "how we must triumph over evil." What are you gonna do now?

Well, expand the war! Finish what Daddy left undone by taking out Saddam Hussein! Remake the entire Middle East by having U.S. soldiers come in and level the place with bombs! Yeah! Media frenzy, media frenzy, war war war, woooooooo!

In his usual vacant-looking and vague-sounding style, George W. Moron announced today that he was considering expanding the "war on terrorism" beyond Afghanistan (he's looking in your direction, North Korea & Iraq), and that making weapons of mass destruction that could be used for threatening purposes or funding or harboring terrorists would make the nation as culpable as if they were terrorists themselves -- and they'll have to "face the consequences." (Can you hear the horns playing "bum bum buuuuuum" in the background after that statement?) Basically, it means that he wants to go around playing Policeman Of the World, bombing anyone he sees as a threat to our national security.

Media Strangleholder Ari Fleischer was quick to say that this was a re-statement of long-held beliefs and not a new policy, though this was a rather pointed threat in my humble opinion -- one that isn't reflected by just the previous policy of keeping national security. But come on, Ari, tell it like it is -- this is President Moron lookin' to go give someone a whuppin' because he needs some popularity and his grip on the nation's attention is beginning to wane. And the scary thing is that he's starting to sound just like his daddy. I was listening to Ministry's song "New World Order" earlier today, and in it, one of former president George Herbert Walker Moron's speeches is sampled. The line goes: "What we are looking at is good and evil, right and wrong." Sound familiar, eh? Pretty soon, our current president will start talking about his New World Order, made possible by American troops "fighting the war against terrorism" by overrunning half the world.

What he doesn't realize is that while he's threatening those nations with consequences, they can threaten right back. And not that I'm very eager to see more terrorism go down in this country, but I think we need to clean up our business in Afghanistan and get the hell out of there. I still believe that there are terrorist cells in covert operation within our own borders, and we need to be smoking them out -- not looking through caves in some backwater country thousands of miles away. This whole situation makes me think of a neighborhood fight where some kids knock down a mailbox and egg a house so the house's occupants go running around the block looking for the kids who did it, but these were just decoys to get the occupants out so the main group of kids can go in and steal everything out of the house.