So some company has invented a phone with a "privacy" button. The privacy button keeps the phones from ringing when you want some alone time and even comes with a user-recorded request to ask telemarketers to remove them from calling lists. This sounds like such a great idea! This sounds like the revolution of the ages! This sounds like -- an answering machine. I mean, how many people use their answering machines to screen calls anyways, since telemarketers hardly ever leave messages? And if you take your phone off the hook and you have voicemail, the voicemail will pick up immediately without your phone ringing; and if I'm not mistaken, you can kick calls straight to voicemail even without leaving your phone off the hook.

Don't get me wrong, technology is a great thing. But I think it hits a point when we overload ourselves so much with useless gadgets that it gets a little ridiculous, and it also gets to where we become so dependent that we can't do anything without it -- like yesterday, when I lost more than 2 hours of work time because my work computer was bombing out. Do I really need a new remote control that controls everything in house like my toaster and my microwave too? What happens when my power goes out and I'm bored out of my mind because everything I could do is either dependent on electricity or light?

Odd, then, that my horoscope today would say this:
A disproportionate amount of communication via modern technologies such as cell phones, email, fax, or the Internet could take place today, dear Sagittarius. You may have discovered a new field that has captured your interest and seek to learn as much about it as you can. Or you may have heard rumors about someone you know, and you're trying to track down the facts. Either way, expect to spend a lot of time on the phone, or on the computer.

I wish I could be "on" all the time, but I'm just not feeling it tonight. I haven't felt it all day tonight, so I was thankful that I was animated enough when I went out with friends tonight. And yet, to recount what happened tonight would sound almost like bragging, even though I'd tell it strictly in a factual way, so I'm not even going to attempt to tell it at all. Let's just say that I still feel that I am so incredibly lucky that I fell into a really great situation out here with some really great people.

Either way, I'm just going to crawl into bed and enjoy the rest that not having to set an alarm affords me.

Los Angeles is subject to something called the "June Gloom," which basically means that every morning and every evening during the month of June, clouds roll in off the water and it looks like it's going to rain. It makes things a little hard for me because I am kind of affected by weather and clouds outside equals clouds in my brain. Or my haziness could just be the fact that I was up until 2AM last night again. Either way, it's completely wreaking havoc with my weather sense, since I look up and my New England instincts tell me that it's going to rain, but the natives are assuring me that it's not. I'm inclined to agree with the natives since they know better and plus, in the almost-four months that I've been here, it's only rained once no matter how much it looked like it was going to. It's just something else to get used to, I suppose.

One of the reasons why I'm so easily discouraged by things is that I have no patience. I am Instant Gratification Man. I want things to happen now. If I start working out, I want to lose 5 pounds in the first week and 10 pounds in the second. I need positive reinforcement to motivate me, and not getting any discourages me and I usually dwindle -- something that applies to most aspects of my life, not just losing weight.

So I was pleasantly surprised when I got to the gym tonight and I'd lost another 2 pounds, despite the fact that I'd thought I'd plateaued for a while. I'm glad I went, because I almost didn't and I hoovered a fair amount of food tonight while watching the Lakers/Nets game. It took a while to show a little result, but hopefully now that I'm showing some progress, it will motivate me to keep going back. My only problem is that my body type is odd in that when I start losing weight, I shrink inwards. My arms and legs become very skinny while my torso still remains the same, when it's my torso that I'm looking at for results, and that's what shows results last. So the pants still fit the same, but my watch is flopping all over my wrist. Not exactly the kind of results that I was hoping for, but it's a start, I s'pose.

It seemed to be a day to go against the grain. Specifically, my grain. I got three e-mails from people asking me questions about Blogger Insider that I'd already answered in e-mails to them, and I found that a couple of people have linked directly to my music page -- something I've explicitly asked people not to do, both when I post here that I've updated the page and on the music page itself -- and on top of that, I found someone who had quasi-plagiarized something I'd written here. Then on my way home from work, I was almost involved in a car accident because someone attempted to make a left turn from a right-turn-only lane. My overwhelming reaction to all of this was just "Can't you people read directions?"

Given this, plus the stress raining down from my father at the moment, I'm kind of the mindset at this particular moment that there's ass to be kicked, and my boot's gonna be the one doing it. Who wants some?

I seem to be the main repository for spam now, no matter how irrelevant or inapplicable it is to my case. In the past two days, I've received e-mails offering breast enlargement pills (and why would I want that?), increased Windows user-friendliness (not only do I not own a Windows machine, I really don't believe the program could be friendly, and if they're supposedly tracking my web-surfing, they'd be able to tell I don't use Windows), a free trip to Los Angeles (and where am I living now?) and $50 off maintenance on my GM car (I own a Honda). Oh, and let's not forget the 13 year old offering to pose nude for me on her webcam -- this in the wake of R. Kelly's arrest on child pornography charges.

Yes, I've seen the USA Today section cover page article that says that the music industry is swirling in the toilet. It does worry me a bit, since that's the industry that hands me a paycheck every two weeks, but I'd like to say that I have faith that, like a recession, things will turn around soon. My father is probably cutting out sixteen copies of this article to mail to me in order to prove that yes, he does know what's going on in the music industry, and once again, I've taken a path that isn't so secure and will probably afford me some more time "on the beach," which is the industry term for being unemployed. Unfortunately, in this music lover's eyes, the record and broadcasting companies are the ones who have their heads in the sand. Either that, or they're just sitting there with their eyes squeezed tightly shut and their fingers stuck in their ears singing to themselves in the hopes that it'll all go away. They point their fingers at people like me who download music and scream to anyone who's listening that we're the problem, we're the reason why they're losing money. We're the hooligans.

I disagree. I think there are many reasons why the music industry is hitting the skids, and downloading is only one of them. The main reason why many people are downloading music is because the CD prices are just so damn high. I made the compromise of buying CDs again, but only at places like Best Buy and Circuit City where all the CDs cost $12 (or less, when they're on sale) because I'm just not willing to pay $18 for a CD. I'm especially not willing to pay that much for a CD when the music is just plain mediocre, and that's how I could categorize a lot of what's out there right now. Record labels aren't putting out great music at all, there's no explosion of artists that are blazing their way up the sales charts or the music charts. It's simple economics: The demand is there -- music is a staple of the American way of life -- yet the supply is lacking. To the same extent, radio stations aren't helping. Every week, I see stations adding fewer and fewer songs, yet increasing the number of times they play the old ones. There's something in the industry we call "burn," which is basically how sick of a song or an artist the listeners are, and I've got to tell you -- my own burn rate on just about everything out there right now is through the roof, so I can only imagine that I'm not the only one who feels this way. And to bring in economics again: If you want the demand, you have to deliver the supply and make people believe that they should demand it. When you're not supplying them with anything new to demand, of course the demand will go down. I can barely listen to the radio anymore, and that says a lot coming from a person who is addicted to it. And it's not like there's no artists out there to be discovered, on any given night, I can go to a local bar or small music hall and see a new band who I've never heard of before -- regardless of what city I'm in.

And finally, downloading. Yes, it's a problem. But I'd like to say that I have faith in my fellow people when I say that if downloading cost money -- albeit a reasonable charge -- we'd pay for it. I know I would. I do feel bad about hurting the artists by not buying their CDs (which is one reason why I've started buying them again, but I needed that low price compromise to be able to rationalize it in my own mind), and I think that they do need to be compensated for their work. Work is work and needs to be paid for, regardless of whether it's creative or mental and doesn't produce any physical results. However, on the flip side so as not to make people think that I am saying people ought to be paying the $18 per CD, salary offers are negotiated and can't be outrageous. If I were applying for a job at McDonald's as a manager and told them I wouldn't take anything less than $30 an hour, they'd probably tell me that they'd consider it if they managed to keep a straight face while I was still in the room. You can't ask outrageous prices for things, and I think that given the fact that a CD only costs a few bucks to produce, an industry standard of $12 or $13 per disc won't kill the music business. What they lose in profits from dropping the price, they'd probably make up in sales volume. I won't say that downloading will stop -- because it won't. Napster opened a Pandora's box that won't shut. But it can't be an all-or-nothing deal, because that just creates enemies -- consumers will view the record companies as Evil Controlling Corporations and record companies will view downloaders as Freeloading Thieves.

But that's just one man's opinion. Next on this channel: How Burger King and McDonald's are suing the grocery stores for making real meat available to the general public at a lower cost than the meat-based substitute they provide. Stay tuned...

The problem with transliterating foreign words and names into English is that there's no specific and definitive way to spell or say any of them. For example, in the past six hours, I've read or heard at least 5 different ways to say or spell what I'd always thought to be called "General Tso's Chicken." (Furthermore, who is this general and why did they name this dish after him? Why chicken? I could think that it's a chicken dish because he was a chicken and ran away, but it's damn good and somewhat spicy chicken, so maybe it's because he was a good general. But that's another debate for another entry, I suppose.) There's about fifteen different ways to spell "Mohammed" and "Koran." No one knows for sure where the h's and the ch's in "Chanukah" go or how many k's to put in it. The problem even extends to our own language. For example, both "focused" and "focussed" are correct, according to the Oxford English dictionary.

It's enough to make a copyeditor's head spin.

It's been a fairly long day as far as long days go, and the problem is that it's not over yet. I finally have a bit of room to breathe, though I expect that things will pick back up pretty soon. Unfortunately, my brain started melting out my ears somewhere around 6:30pm, so making it until quittin' time is going to require much sugar and caffeine intake on my part. I'm trying to contain my irritability and the fact that my concentration level right now equals that of a mosquito's.

On the up side, I just bought some Dots out of the vending machine in the break room. I put my dollar in the machine, made my selection, the machine gave me the Dots, spit my dollar back out and gave me change. So I ended up ahead on the deal. There is some kind of zen Karma at work in the candy machine.

I woke up this morning to find one of my pillows on the floor, the other under my stomach and I had flipped in my sleep so my head was on the end of the bed where my feet usually are. It bodes well for the rest of the morning.

My father sent me another e-mail trying to railroad me into taking this interview for this job I don't want -- which, even if I wanted to go, I couldn't because of the job I have now that I need to be at -- and again telling me that wonderful catch phrase of how I need to "invest for my future." I think if I hear that one more time from him, I'm going to throw up. The fact that even when he's 3000 miles away, he still thinks he knows exactly what my life is like, what I'm doing wrong and can give me all these directives as to how to make my life "better" in his eyes both slightly amuses me and yet also thoroughly infuriates me. The man desperately needs a hobby other than pestering his son.

How ironic that I'd planned to use that title for this entry since I started forming this entry in my head earlier this afternoon, but right now, the movie's on TV as well.

I got an e-mail from my parents earlier this morning. It seems that the City of L.A. has a job they want to interview me for, they sent the notice to the address I have on record with them -- my parents' place in Connecticut. Mom and Dad promptly e-mailed me to tell me about the notice, and then later on my father instant messaged me to ask me if I could still interview for it. I told him I wasn't planning on it.

Dad got upset. I need to keep my options open, he said, basically preying on my insecurities and hypersensitivity to being laid off which I acquired after my layoff last spring. The city job would give me full benefits, and it would pay more than I'm making right now and there's a chance it might be a little more stable, he pointed out. Money was the big issue he kept pushing. Apparently, even though he has no knowledge of my finances, he's convinced I'm losing money because taking this job involved a rather large pay cut on my part. Besides, didn't I have plans to raise a family at some point? How was I going to support them? When I replied offhandedly that I'd marry rich or something like that, he told me he "couldn't take it anymore" and signed offline. I'd apparently made him that upset.

It makes me upset that my dad is so concerned about money. Like I said in a previous entry, money can't buy happiness, but it can buy peace of mind and to some, that is happiness. To me, I'm getting along okay right now -- not that I wouldn't mind making more and I'm not buying everything I'd like to -- but for the first time in many years, I'm actually happy doing what I'm doing with my life, and I don't dread going to work in the morning. I like my job, which seems to be a rarity in the workforce these days, and that makes me happy which is worth more to me than a stable city desk job. I left public relations and I never wanted to look back. I might make more at this city job, but I'd be miserable. Besides, it's not like I'm going to be at this position forever especially since I'm just starting out at the company and I'm at the bottom of the ladder; I hope that, eventually, I'll get promoted and I'll make more money. But to bring in the "how are you going to support a family" tactic just infuriates me, since I'm nowhere near ready to even think about that.

I blame my parents for my sometimes-high levels of stress. They've instilled in me the need to think so far ahead that sometimes I have problems enjoying the moment. I'm not supposed to have cable or go out to dinner according to them because I can't "afford" it and I need to save up every penny I have just in case something happens and I need a rainy day fund, or I need to "invest for the future" -- my father's most favorite expression. I sometimes want to scream at them to remind them that I'm 25, and while I may be an adult with all the responsibilities inherent to that status, I'm also relatively young and I'll have years upon years to worry about mortgage payments and car repairs and replacing the washing machine, and right now, it's time for me to go out with friends and enjoy myself. I'm living for me -- no one else -- and I have no one else to support. I'll have plenty of time to do that later. But me living for myself in the present day instead of thinking about five or ten or twenty years from now always seems to create friction between us, and I hate that I have to deal with that.

I sometimes wish that I had the time, resources and enough insanity to come up with something as stupid as The Garden Gnome Liberation Front. I mean, honestly -- everyone wants to leave their mark somehow. It's rare to find that person who's content to sit back and never have anything significant happen to them, who wouldn't mind if they weren't remembered by anyone for anything even mildly remarkable after they kicked off, who just sits back and absorbs things without feeling the need to actually leave a bootprint on the ass of Life.

My impish kind of devil-may-care attitude towards life manifested itself early on with a penchant for practical jokes. I went to a college that was remarkably staid, even despite the fact that there were fraternities lurking around somewhere. So I tried shaking things up a bit. I duct-taped a couple people into their rooms (sticky side facing in), I tried dumping enough food coloring into one of the smaller ponds on campus to turn it red (though there was so much junk in it already that it just kind of remained whatever murky color it started out as), I actually did set up someone's bedroom in the hallway just like in the movies, I set up (and used) a Slip-N-Slide on my hallway one afternoon and I dressed up the statue of Louis Brandeis in a Santa hat and coat late one night in the middle of March (heretical as that may be). I was under the impression that college was supposed to be like Animal House but my experience ended up being more like "The Wonder Years." Or summer camp with classes.

It's not that I honestly want to create mayhem and wreak mass amounts of havoc out there. It's just that I'd like to be remembered in such a way that makes people smile or laugh slightly at my insanity that was just stupid and yet satirical enough to be funny.

I went to see Insomnia tonight with some friends. I enjoyed the movie overall, and I thought that Al Pacino did an excellent performance.

I can well relate. As many of you read several months ago, I had my own problems with insomnia. The weight of the world as pertaining to my unemployed situation and how I was going to pay my bills and what was going to happen next was definitely keeping me awake at night. I never got to the point where I was up for more than 2 days because my body just shut down at some point, but I did experience a couple of those 2 day stretches back to back.

It's an odd feeling being awake at 4AM when everyone around you is still asleep. The city takes on an odd quiet that you normally wouldn't associate with a bustling metropolis because, well, you've never seen it any other way. You almost feel like you can hear a truck motoring over a bridge 5 miles away because it's just that quiet, and sometimes you can. The lights are on but no one's around to see them, and it makes you wonder why the city doesn't shut down its lights to give the impression that it too is going to sleep for the night because seeing them just keeps you awake even longer. There's an uneasy loneliness that comes with the hour in that you want to pick up the phone and call someone because you suddenly need some kind of human contact, but you can't disturb anyone at that hour of the night. There's no solace in TV because all the stations have gone to paid programming, and you can't even turn it up too loud because your neighbors might hear. The radio DJ doesn't say much, he just plays the music he's been told to play because he knows that no one's listening anyways and he's probably in that numb state of mind where he's just doing his job. There's no one out there to turn to, there's nothing to help you bide the time until your body and mind finally can't take it anymore and release you into blissful slumber.

You desperately want to sleep. Your mind is fogged, your eyelids are heavy, but it never fails -- as soon as you finally think you're ready to fall asleep and you climb into bed, your mind jumps to warp speed as soon as your head hits that pillow. Either that, or you feel like the gears in your head are just spinning in neutral and the only thought running through your head is how much you wish you could get just a little sleep. Eventually, it catches up to you in your daylight hours, which is even worse because that's the time you really do need to think and be alert, but your mind just can't get it together because you're so tired, and the daylight and your natural circadian rhythm is keeping you awake even if you have the opportunity to sleep then. You start hearing things that aren't there, seeing things out of the corner of your eye that aren't there, you become irritable and hypersensitive. It's like your nerves have been exposed and everything is just being directly communicated to your brain, and you start to feel overloaded -- as if you want to just be put in a clean room that's dark and soundproofed with no one else there so you won't hear or see or feel or experience anything. All you can think about is your bed, but even that becomes an enemy when it doesn't deliver what you need from it, and the more you think about it, the crazier it makes you and the farther away you're able to get from sleeping.

The human body and mind are strange things, and we're only beginning to be able to understand some of the reactions we have. When it's thrown out of rhythm, it's something that can affect you to the core.

Well, it seems I'm acclimating well to Los Angeles, and my self-confidence is growing as a result. I didn't get all worked up about asking someone for her number tonight, even though she told me she'd just broken up with someone and didn't feel comfortable giving it out -- so I gave her mine and I do not expect to hear from her. Either way, my roommate was -- literally -- grabbed by some random woman who took him to the dance floor and proceeded to make out with him. I can't decide if I was more amused or more amazed, and I think he was probably more so on both counts than I was.

So this is Los Angeles... I think I'll like it here.

However, all is not well elsewhere in the world. Apparently, according to the Washington Times, Islamic terrorists have smuggled shoulder-launchable missiles into the U.S. Government officials don't have any information that Al Qaeda is planning on using it against any planes. Hello? That's supposed to make me feel any better? Shoulder-launched missiles can be used against just about anything -- buildings, people, cars, military bases... the options are endless. It's like I said before, the government was so intent on cracking down on airport security that they didn't seem to think that other things could be used as weapons and that other aspects of national security still need to be upgraded.

At the suggestion of a friend, I've started re-watching movies that take place in Los Angeles. She said that I'd have kind of a different perspective on them when I saw them because this time, I'd know just where they were taking place or being filmed. So last night, I threw Volcano into the VCR. My friend was right -- it was a lot more interesting this time around since I knew exactly where everything in the movie takes place. The odd thing -- and this was purely coincidental -- was that about a third of the movie is supposed to take place in my friend's neighborhood, and the entire area gets completely destroyed by lava and fire. It was vaguely surreal watching her 'hood burn, seeing as how I'd just been there two days ago.

Yes, I know that I've been using the word "surreal" a lot, but honestly, there is no other word to describe a good portion of what goes on in this town. It's just that kind of feeling. I suppose I'll get more used to it as time goes on, but for now, part of the entertainment value for me is the surrealness of it all.

Okay, party people -- regarding Blogger Insider. I'm restarting the program, and it is becoming a one-strike-you're-out deal, but there's no need to become mean about it.
1. I don't care if your partner didn't respond even if you wrote them 4 e-mails in the course of a week. Just tell me "he/she didn't respond." There's no reason to go off on them and call them slackers and tell me I need to ban them immediately, and there's no need to slam your fellow bloggers and their writing content. Be nice.
2. Yes, some of the participants are slackers. Some don't respond. It happens, and it's the reason why I considered cancelling the project altogether. I'm sorry if you got paired with one of them, but that's how I ferret them out and remove them from the program. So if you get one, just tell me about them and that's helping me increase the number of active bloggers in the program so you won't get more slackers when I do my random assignments. If you're so concerned about bitching to me about the fact that you never get any active participants and all your partners flake out, then you don't have to participate.
3. Partners are randomly assigned. That's what the program is based on, that's part of what makes it what it is. It makes my job a little easier doing it that way. I can't take into account your desire to be paired up with someone in particular, like someone of the opposite sex -- did I mention I'm not running a dating service here? -- or someone who specifically doesn't have a Blogspot blog or someone over a particular age. Again, if you don't like who your partner is, you don't have to participate.

So. Having said that, I will hopefully be able to administer another round this weekend.