Among those projects that I keep saying, "Damn, I really want to [insert activity here]" but haven't gotten around to yet:

- Learn Spanish
- Learn to surf
- Learn to rollerblade -- properly, so I don't go wobbling around at 1 mph and stop myself by wrapping myself around a parking meter or by falling down
- Learn to play guitar
- Relearn to spin -- like club-style DJing with beatmixing and all that, since I used to when I was in high school and I had a few gigs which were really fun, but I really really miss it and I've forgotten how to do it because I haven't done it in almost a decade. Plus, technology's advanced so much since then that they now have CD turntables. But that's beside the point.
- Become a runner -- I can run for hours on the elliptical trainer, but put me on a real solid non-moving surface like a street or a sidewalk and make me run, and I'll be winded within a few minutes. It's kind of sad actually.

I won't say that I want to learn how to code. I went into college with the intention of being a computer science major, but dropped it after only a couple semesters because I hated it so much. Honestly, I wish I knew how to design websites, but I just don't have the patience. I know basic HTML and can put up basic sites, but there's been so many incredible advances in HTML since I learned it and I just haven't kept up with them, so I leave the coding to other, more capable people.

On my way home from work tonight, I saw someone reading a paperback book while he was driving down Wilshire Boulevard. Farther down, someone else was flossing -- also while behind the wheel. I remembered seeing someone using an electric razor while driving on Santa Monica Boulevard this morning as well.

I can kind of understand the flossing, maybe she was going home from dinner and she had something stuck in her teeth. Maybe the guy with the shaver didn't have time to shave on his way out the door. But for crying out loud -- reading a book while driving? At least 85% if not more of the whole driving thing is looking at the road and the cars around you, and how can you do that if you're engrossed in a book?

C'mon people... it's all about common sense.

So it's been six months, and I'm still not out of that "point-at-the-TV/movie-screen-and-say-'hey-I've-been-there!" phase, it seems. It's just kind of mystical to see places I go to on a regular basis show up on TV programs and movies that people all over the country watch. But it's not their neighborhoods being filmed, it's mine.

My roommate was watching that Larry David show on HBO a couple nights ago (which I don't really like, but that's another story) and I sat down to watch a bit of it with him. The next thing I know, they're filming a scene on the Santa Monica Promenade -- only a few miles away -- and then a scene at the drugstore only a few blocks away that I usually go to. Although, I have to admit, pointing at the TV and saying, "Hey, that's my drugstore!" probably sounded a bit dumber than I meant it to be.

So former Congressional Representative James Traficant has protested his transfer from an Ohio prison to a federal prison in Pennsylvania. Seems that the good representative wants to run for re-election in November, but he can't do that unless he's actually in his home state of Ohio.

Let me get this straight: the man is only the second Congressional member to get booted out of Congress since the Civil War, he's been arrested and convicted of racketeering, bribery and tax evasion -- for which he's serving jail time -- and he wants to run again? I sincerely hope that the people of Ohio aren't so dumb that they put this clown back in Congress, especially since his entire Congressional term will be spent behind bars anyways, and one can't really represent one's constituents when one is in jail.

Corporate CEOs, members of our government, the people at the top of the food chain and those who are supposed to be enforcing the laws are the ones who are breaking them most splendidly these days. So who's watching the watchers?

The thought occurred to me as I was driving to work this morning that it's been almost exactly a year since my first trip to Southern California. The reason why the thought occurred to me is because every morning on my way to work, I drive past the hotel I stayed at during my first visit. It was a real dump, though it looks very nice from the outside and there's always a line of Lexuses and Mercedes and BMWs parked out in its valet area whenever I pass it by.

L.A. seemed huge then. To the point of intimidating. I had no idea how to make my way around the city, but I did recognize the names of some of the more famous streets and places that I now drive on and through regularly. I first visited the place I'm now working at, met the people I'm working with -- but simply as a visitor, not a co-worker.

It's kind of odd, and you'll all see me for the music geek that I am as I say this. But I think the first time that I really felt like I'd made it here was when I was approaching the city when I was coming into it for the first time on the 10 freeway. I crested a hill near Riverside and looked down on the entire L.A. metro area, then I turned off the car's CD player and tuned in KROQ -- a station I'd heard about my entire life, and was finally setting it on my own car's radio presets and not just a rental. I think that's when it finally hit me that I was really here.

Ever notice that TV news organizations often have people standing outside to give reports, but the location they're at has absolutely no significance to the story they're filing? I noticed that a lot when I was back East -- especially when it was snowing or some other form of bad weather was going on, they'd do a live report with one of their roving reporters who was, for some strange reason, as much as 30 or 40 miles away. It's like they suddenly decided, "Well hey, we've got a news story, let's take the van out for a spin! I know this great place in [insert town/city name here] where we can get half-price margaritas, let's file the story from there!"

I saw it again tonight on one of the local TV stations about Chick Hearn's death (he was the sportscaster for the Lakers for 40+ years), when one of the local network affiliates filed a report from Santa Monica. I don't know why. Chick didn't live there, he lived in the Valley, which is where he had his accident that led to his death. The Lakers didn't practice or play in Santa Monica. Chick didn't die in a Santa Monica hospital, he died in Northridge (which is also in the Valley). So why did they file the report from Santa Monica? I'm guessing it's because the reporter wanted to check out the hot babes at Reneé's after he was on TV.

So I watched the opening episode of "The Anna Nicole Show" on E! And Lord help me, because I distinctly feel dumber after doing so -- to the point where I'm considering writing the E! network to request back the half-hour and 5 IQ points I lost from watching it.

She burst into tears after finding out a house was too expensive for her. When touring another house, she helped herself to the food in that house's fridge and then pantomimed having sex in the master bedroom's bed. She told the camera that she hadn't masturbated all day and she was going to go do that now because she had to at least once every day. She kept telling people how her breasts were popping out of her shirt. She hung out the passenger window of her realtor's car and yelled out the street names in an Italian accent, then said "I love you!" She also asked "are we there yet?" about sixteen different times as she was being driven around. The entire time, she slurred her words and spoke in a way that made me think she was perpetually drugged.

I don't understand her appeal at all. She's got the intellect of an 8-year-old, and a spoiled one at that. She's not good-looking. She's whiny, she's rude, she's stupid, she's immature, she's childish... I honestly don't know who the joke is on more: the viewers, for actually watching this drivel; E!, for pouring money into this drivel; the people on her show like her assistant and her lawyer, who actually seem to take her seriously and cater to her every whim and emotion and make excuses for her; or her, for being the person she is.

E! does seem to be taking her seriously, which is a sorry state of affairs. The little theme song that plays at the commercial breaks says "Anna, Anna, Anna Nicole, she's so outrageous!" She's not outrageous. She just doesn't know any better. People like the guys who do "South Park" -- who are actually intelligent and can do decent intelligent satire -- are outrageous.

I'm at a loss for words, and you know that it must be serious for me to not have anything to say. I guess all that can be said is that we lost one of our own, and he will be sincerely missed. I hope you're seeing all the good bands that you love in that Great Concert Hall in the Sky, man.

Since I can't think of anything else to say, I'll express myself the way I usually do -- through music. The Scott Vice Memorial Set has been uploaded to the Music Section. I think he would've wanted it that way anyways.

Music section updated to kick out some jams. Usual rules of Netiquette apply: Do not link directly to the music page or any of the files themselves. Download the files to your local machine. Do not stream files from this site, and especially don't stream files multiple times. If you do any of the above, I will find you and flog you. Also, if you like what you hear and want more, go buy the disc and support the artist.

Having said that (and I hate having to say it every time I post new music, but there's always some losers out there who ignore the rules and spoil it for everyone), go enjoy.

From this morning's Los Angeles Times:

Man Dies in Fall From His Bedroom Window
From Times Wire Reports
August 3, 2002

A man undressing for bed at his summer home stumbled as he wrestled to remove his pants and fell out of a plate-glass window to his death, Santa Cruz County authorities said.

Brent Stone, 47, a land developer from Stockton, fell 10 feet onto his concrete driveway early Sunday. He died of head injuries, authorities said.

Stone's three children were also in the house, but he was alone in his second-floor bedroom at the time of the fatal accident, said Sheriff's Department spokesman Kim Allyn.

Stone's death is being treated as an accident, Allyn said.

I've never tried to keep my opinions on the Osbournes private. But I still think it's a little odd that people see Ozzy stumbling around his own house and failing to be able to do simple things and think that it's funny. It's not funny that Ozzy doesn't have the wherewithall to operate a vacuum cleaner. It's not funny that during the outtakes at the end of Austin Powers in Goldmember, they showed that it took at least seven takes (if not more that they didn't show) for Ozzy to memorize and repeat back two lines. Personally, I think it's pretty sad.

The man's destroyed his brain from the inside out with all the drugs and alcohol he's consumed over the years, and that's not grounds for humor. Do you laugh at an alcoholic who's stumbling around, or do you look at him in disgust and think that he needs help? This one, they gave a television show to. His only saving grace is that his wife takes care of him and that he's rich enough to be able to hire people to do things for him as well -- like showing him how to turn on the vacuum cleaner.

I gave tonight, just to spite SaveKaryn. I know she'll never know that I gave to a much more worthy cause than paying off her credit card bills that she generated from living a life of excess, but I still feel like I'm striking a small blow for decency. I donated some cash to the American Heart Association.

You're not getting off so easy, Ms. Lack of Responsibility.

My grandfather used to say that you shouldn't make threats. Too often, threats are just bluffs anyways, and if you really meant to do something, you'd just go ahead and do it, rather than putting in the effort to spew out some idle words that have nothing to do with action. So it is with this in mind that I wonder why in the name of the wide, wide world of sports our dumb-ass president is splashing all this contemplation about deposing Saddam Hussein all over the news.

Yes, we all know his approval rating is finally falling. We all joked about the fact that if it did fall, he'd go attack Iraq in an effort to finish what his daddy started and to distract us all from the reality of it all. But we were joking. At least I was. And if he's really going to do this, do you really think the best thing to do is tell the world the sixteen different ways we're contemplating going after Saddam?

There are a few certainties in this situation. One is that nuclear weapons have been on the market for many years and there's probably plenty of ways Saddam could get his hands on a few. Another is that I'm sure he's got some chemical and/or biological weapons aimed straight at us and our allies -- and even if he can't reach us, he can blast the hell out of Israel.

Because of all this, I really wonder why in hell our local papers are running a play-by-play update every day about all the deliberation Congress is going through about all our plans to attack Iraq again, when any diplomatic attache can pick up a New York Times or a Washington Post, throw it in a diplomatic pouch and send it back to Baghdad for Saddam to read and use to prepare his troops and weaponry.

For God's sake, this lunatic in the White House really is going to get us all killed. I believe it more firmly now than I did in the days after September 11th.