So I got in to Tucson at 5:30am local time last night. I haven't seen a sunrise since I was unemployed and was up way too late with insomnia. Either way, I've been able to establish the following:

1. Teaching my parents how to use their new TVs & VCRs was as painful as I believed it to be. One of the main reasons my father was having trouble working the picture-in-picture on one of the TVs is that the remotes for both TVs he got are almost identical (and so are the TVs, except one is smaller), and he switched the remotes so the one with the PIP controls was being used on the TV that didn't have PIP.

2. My father must be slowly going mad. As speculation has it due to the evidence left this morning, he consumed an entire half-gallon of ice cream and a beer sometime between 3:30 and 5:45am last night, yet he doesn't remember it at all. He also just stumbled out of my parents' bedroom asking where my mom was -- apparently, he didn't notice she was asleep next to him in bed.

3. I finally got my Powerbook hooked up to the Internet here. Now I really do feel like I have a laptop, because I can bring my entire life with me and just use it wherever. Portability rules!

4. Leftovers rule, too. And so does free laundry facilities that I don't have to fight anyone for.

5. The celebrity detox clinic that Diana Ross was at? It's about a mile away from here, and there's just open land between my parents' house and the place (called Sierra Tucson), so if I get out the binoculars, I can probably see her running around screaming how she can't get a decent martini there.

Yes, I'm horribly overworked and terribly underpaid. Yes, my stress level is through the roof. Yes, I'm exhausted and a bit edgy because of everything that's been going on. Yes, it's conceivable that I might be able to get some other job that pays more, works me less and might be a little more secure. But the fact of the matter is that I don't want one. I like the company I work for, I like the people I work with, the fringe benefits are great and I'm where I want to be -- which is something that maybe 1 in 5 people can honestly say, if that.

And so it is after two extremely long days filled with company meetings, work and shuttling back and forth between the office and those meetings at the Beverly Hilton. It is at this point -- at 7:45pm -- that I now pack up and leave for my parents' place in Tucson, which is around 8 hours away. I'll make it tonight, no problem. The open road and my sound system beckon.

If only I can make it through this weekend without having the above debate with my parents.

Conversation held last night:

Me: I don't know, man... We've been dating for literally around two weeks, and already she's asking me about what plans I have in March and May because she wants me to go away with her. She's going back to Boston in May for this wedding and wants me to go with her. It's January! I don't plan that far ahead. I'm lucky if I'm even thinking as far ahead as next weekend.
Roommate: Women are like that. They schedule far in advance. For us, we keep things open until the last minute in case something good turns up on TV.
Me: Right. If TiVo hasn't downloaded the TV schedule yet for a particular day, there's no way you're going to be able to pin a guy down to do anything on that day.

Work seems to just be taking up all of my mental capacities, because it's just harder to come up with witty stuff these days now that I'm under more stress and working harder and longer hours.

The first words out of my mouth today (which were uttered at 7AM when the alarm went off, waking me for the first of two days of company meetings): "Too early... way too damned early!!!"

Homer: "Hey! I smell cake! Cake that says... [sniff sniff] Farewell!... and [sniff sniff] Best Wishes!"
Nelson: "Your old man's got an incredible nose."
Bart: "Aw, that's nothing. He can hear pudding."

I'm having problems keeping concentrated on one thing longer than a couple of minutes, so I'm just going to post some tidbits of insanity now.

- Jared is a freakin' liar. He did not lose 245 pounds just by eating Subway. He only ate two six-inch veggie subs a day and spent about three hours a day in the gym. If you were doing the same, you'd probably experience similar weight loss results.
- I wonder how a cologne that smells like new car smell would affect people. Actually, it might fare better as a perfume, since guys love new cars.
- The main difference between The Bachelor and The Bachelorette is that when you pit women against each other, they'll all scheme and gossip, but when you pit guys against each other, they'll all just take advantage of the situation to enjoy themselves and have as much fun as they can just hanging out with each other.
- My parents are the most technologically inept people on the face of the Earth. Eskimos have a better grasp on technology than my parents do. One of the main reasons why my parents want me to travel out to their place in Tucson this weekend is because they bought new TVs & VCRs... and they don't know how to work them. They need me to set them up and explain to them how to use them.
- Mmm... road rock therapy. 8 hours on the open highway with great tunes. There's nothing more cleansing than that.
- Catherine Zeta-Jones is thoroughly annoying me with those dumbass T-Mobile commercials. I think the ads would be reason enough for me never to get T-Mobile's service. And I think if she showed up in my bed, I might even boot her out.
- For a while, I battled an addiction to meringue cookies. Unfortunately, I'd put away several of them at a time, and the sugar buzz would be enough to make me run around like a caffeine addict.
- My latest expression is "Wheeee!" It's so applicable in so many different situations.

I think it's well-known by now among my friends that I'm a music guru and that I work in the industry. But when someone e-mailed me to tell me she heard about Pete Townshend being arrested for downloading child porn, I had to ask her why she associated me with kiddie porn and tell her that we should probably have a discussion as to what it is she thinks I do every day.

Excerpt of a conversation I had over the weekend with my mom:

Me: I really wish sometimes Dad and I didn't argue so much. I kind of wish that I could actually have normal conversations with him, like you and I have. But he just gets me so aggravated... he really sets me off, and you know me, when I'm attacked, it's shields up and ready weapons, and I go in howitzer-style.
Mom: You know why he can push your buttons so easily?
Me: Why?
Mom: Because he installed them!

The past two times that I've gotten my hair cut, the place I've gone to started playing The Matrix soundtrack when I got into the barber's chair. It can only mean one thing.

I'm the One, dammit.

Life's been a little topsy-turvy lately. I have my car back now along with my Sirius satellite radio. Work's been really busy. I met someone. I met someone else. I have 60+ CDs sitting in my room that I have to listen to but I don't know when I'll have time for that. I've lost complete track of time, I have no idea what day it is. I'm a little exhausted.

By the way, for those of you who can't get that line from Rain Man out of your heads... here's some more:

97X... BAM! The future of rock 'n' roll.

Yes, it is a real radio station. Yes, it does kick ass. Yes, I really am friends with one of the DJs there. Yes, he kicks ass too.

Some days, I ponder chucking it all and becoming a ninja. Then I think that even if I were a ninja, I'd still have to pay car insurance, and I'd still want to come home at night to my nice apartment with my satellite TV and my laptop with DSL, and I realize that a ninja craves not these things.

It's duct tape, not "duck tape." The reason being that it was originally designed to patch up ducting because it's strong enough and it's silver like most ductwork is, so it'll blend in well.

I'm of the firm belief that duct tape is the Most Powerful Force in the Universe and that it's holding it all together. #2, of course, on the list of Most Powerful Forces in the Universe is Jewish guilt.

One of the longest workdays I've ever had (to the point where I had to eat a working lunch at my desk because I was so busy) culminated in the wonderful occurrence of the ATM eating my ATM card when I left work at 12:30am and went to get cash to meet up with a co-worker at a bar. Life didn't get much better than that... until my alarm went off at 7:30 this morning so I could haul my ass to the doctor's office to get my knee X-rayed.

Out of all of this, I've come up with one question: Why is it that, even when I'm early for an appointment and I know I'm going to be early or even if I'm going somewhere and I have no deadline to be there by, I still speed and drive my usual fast speed and get impatient when I'm stuck at red lights? Is it just naturally ingrained in me to drive fast? Do I crave the open road that much?

I could use a nap. Naps are underrated. Especially for people over the age of 9 and under 65. Just because we're adults doesn't mean we couldn't use a good nap every now and then.

The skies are looking dark and ominous, and the air is filled with the smell of burning automobile coolant. Yeah, something wicked this way comes...

Five things keeping me sane in this world of insanity, where my job is kicking my ass and there's almost-war and a maniac in the White House and bad drivers and Anna Nicole running amuck on TV and things that confuse me and Darwin Award candidates surrounding all of us:

1. Good hard-rockin' music.
2. My co-worker who always makes me laugh.
3. The weather (yeah, I know I say it a lot, but this is my first winter here, cut me some slack. I spent a quarter-century shoveling snow and freezing my ass off in January, not running around in a t-shirt).
4. The open road (yeah, like I'll find any of those in L.A.), especially in combination with #1.
5. The card my parents sent me a few days ago, which says, "Thought for the day: Every morning, all the stupid people you know get together and plan ways to make your life more difficult. [on the inside:] Just thought you'd like to know."