Reality Remixed: Like Disco Lemonade
What better place than here?
What better time than now?


Wednesday, April 30, 2003
Argh
So. I scored an audition. With a singing group. That does rock songs. How cool is that? They need a tenor, which I am. I'm psyched. Except my audition is Wednesday night. Tomorrow. (Well, today, for when most of you are reading.) And they asked me to bring two contrasting rock songs to sing for them. Two? Only two? You have no idea how much I've been agonizing over this for the past few hours. I've been going through my entire music collection looking for songs that show my range both in pitch and style. I've narrowed it down to 13 potential selections. Do you see my dilemma? In case you're wondering, click "More" for the list that I've narrowed it down to. Yes, I can sing them all well. Incubus - "Drive" or "Stellar" Theory of a Deadman - "Nothing Could Come Between Us" Our Lady Peace - "Innocent" Alice In Chains - "Got Me Wrong" The Church - "Under the Milky Way" Dexter Freebish - "Leaving Town" Finch - "What It Is To Burn" Live - "Run to the Water" Nickelback - "Too Bad" Pete Yorn - "Strange Condition" Stone Temple Pilots - "Plush" Stroke 9 - "Kick Some Ass"
Posted by Keith @ 05:04 AM · (0) Trackbacks ·
Monday, April 28, 2003
Coming soon to MTV…
What with the U.S. overrunning Iraq now with our culture after overrunning the country with our artillery, it was only inevitable that Pizza Hut and Dunkin' Donuts would move into Baghdad. And with the launch of this all-new 24/7 reality TV channel, I'm sure it's only a matter of time before we see this: Ladies and gentlemen... It's a momentous occasion as it's the first time we bring you this program from outside the country... it's Real World: Baghdad! - Achmed and Omar have to deal with the shock of seeing a woman's knees and chin as Fatima decides to walk around without a full burkha on - Mohammed causes a full-house jihad uproar as he decides not to obey the muezzin and worship Allah for the sixth time on Monday because he's too busy enjoying the Armed Forces Network's rebroadcast of The All-New Mouseketeers - Hakim has his first experience with Prince's "1999" and begins to annoy everyone else in the house by playing it over and over and over until his Radio Shack tape player breaks - Jameela brings a Big Mac meal back to the house and refuses to share her fries, which infuriates Abdul, who claims that Jameela is a spoiled brat and was probably banished from her village for not sharing her possessions with men - Rasheeda is consoled by Nadira after she breaks down because Rasheeda's father disowns her for living in a house with an elevator because he thinks the infidels are corrupting her with their mechanical ways All that and more! Plus, pre-order the DVD and get the special outtakes not seen on TV, like that steamy hot tub scene with Ibraheem and the camel, and that heartbreaking scene when Hassan stubs his toe on a fragment of a Saddam Hussein statue and is forced to swallow his pride and accept a Band-Aid from a U.N. aid worker.
Posted by Keith @ 03:57 AM · (0) Trackbacks ·
Sunday, April 27, 2003
You know you want to
Go poke the penguin. POKE HIM! And play the game more than once... there's about three different ways the penguin reacts. So, the Sunday Song o' the Week... I initially loved this song because it had a funky and cool music track and combined a really groovy singer and a rapper... then I read the lyrics. It's blatantly about sex and cheating! But I still can't stop listening to it. The Roots featuring Cody ChesnuTT - "The Seed (2.0)" (Black Thought) Knocked up 9 months ago And she finna had she don't know She want neo-soul, 'cause hip-hop is old She don't want no rock 'n' roll She want platinum or ice and gold She want a whole lotta somethin to fold If you was obstacles, she'd just drop ya cold 'Cause one monkey don't stop the show And lil Mary's bad The mean streets she done ran E'r since when the heat began I told her "Girl, look here. Calm down I'ma hold ya hand To enable you to keep the plan 'Cause you is quick to learn And we can make money to burn If you allow me to lay this game I don't ask for much but enough room to spread my wings And the world finna know my name (Cody ChesnuTT) I don't ask for much these days And I don't bitch and whine if I don't get my way I only wanna fertilize another behind my lover's back I sit and watch it grow roots standin where I'm at Fertilize another behind my lover's back And I'm keepin my secrets mine I push my seed in her bush for life It's gonna work because I'm pushin it right If Mary dropped my baby girl tonight I would name her rock 'n' roll (Black Thought) Cadillac need space to roam Where we headed for? She don't know We in the city where the pros shake, rattle, and roll And I'm a Goddang rollin stone I don't beg, I can hold my own I don't break, I can hold the chrome And it's weighin' a ton, and I'm a son of a gun My code name is The Only One And Black Thought is bad The mean streets he done ran E'r since when the game began I never played the fool Matter fact, I've been keepin it cool Since money been changin hands And I'm left to shine The legacy I leave behind Be the seed that'll keep the flame I don't ask for much but enough room to spread these wings And the world finna know my name (Cody ChesnuTT) I don't beg from no rich man And I don't scream and kick when his shit don't fall in my hands, man 'Cause I know how to steal Fertilize another against my lover's will I lick the opposition 'cause she don't take no pill Oooh oooh oooh no dear You'll be keepin my legend alive I push my seed in her bush for life It's gonna work because I'm pushin' it right If Mary dropped my baby girl tonight I would name her rock 'n' roll Oooh break it down, break it down...down for me... I push my seed somewhere deep in her chest I push it naked 'cause I'm takin my test Deliver it, Mary, it don't matter the sex I'm gon' name it rock 'n' roll I push my seed in her bush for life It's gonna work because I'm pushin' it right If Mary dropped my baby girl tonight I would name her rock 'n' roll I would name her rock 'n' roll I would name her rock 'n' roll I would name her rock 'n' roll Yeah, I would name it rock 'n' roll
Posted by Keith @ 02:51 PM · (1) Trackbacks ·
[sigh]
Another in a long string of disappointing dates occurred tonight. A suitable end to this horrid week, which I really am glad is behind me. And I was going to say how surprised I am that out of most of the native Angelenos I've met, I know more about their city than they do, but then I was so tired that on my way home, I got on the freeway going in the wrong direction. So much for that superiority complex. I find it interesting that a good chunk of the voluminous amounts of spam I've been getting recently are personable -- though in the last paragraph. Do they actually expect me to pay attention past the "GROW THREE INCHES" or "YOUR DREAM JOB HERE!" or "INSTANT CREDIT/MORTGAGE APPROVAL" all the way down through the entire sales-jargon-filled pitch to the end where they say, "So anyways, I hope to hear from you, and we'll chat soon!"?
Posted by Keith @ 04:19 AM · (0) Trackbacks ·
Saturday, April 26, 2003
Let the flamewars begin
So I'm completely laying myself open to all kinds of insults on this because it seems The Whole World disagrees with me, but I'm gonna say it anyways. I don't see what the fuss over The White Stripes is about. I don't think they're all that good. "Fell in Love with a Girl" is a kickass song and the video for that is brilliant, but aside from that, I'm not so enamored with the band. Everyone acts like Jack & Meg White are going to save alternative music, and I really can't see them doing it. Their latest album, Elephant, is getting critical acclaim and everyone seems to love it, but I'm sitting here listening to it and thinking, "They recorded this album in two weeks -- and it sounds like it." And no, I'm not just saying this to be difficult or to be a contrarian or for the ability to say "Look, I'm anti-Establishment!" or because I think I'm cool because I'm different from everyone else. I'm just saying it because... well, I just don't see the appeal.
Posted by Keith @ 12:19 AM · (0) Trackbacks ·
Friday, April 25, 2003
“Was it over when the Germans bombed Miramax?”
Okay, so it's been resolved that I am really looking forward to seeing The Matrix Reloaded -- only three more weeks until it opens! And being that I live in a major metropolitan area, I'm guessing that there's a pretty decent chance that there will be at least one movie theatre in the area that will debut the film at midnight on Wednesday night/Thursday morning on the "night before" it's supposed to open. And dammit, I'm planning on going to see it then, work the next day be damned. The thing is, I'm kind of a fan of going to see kickass films with friends. But it seems that a fair amount of the people I know are a little leery of seeing a two-hour film at midnight on a weeknight when they have to get up for work the next day. So when I try to champion my cause and get people to go with me, I feel like John Belushi in that scene in Animal House and I've come close many times to ending my pitch with, "So, who's with me? Let's go! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay..." and running out of the room, hoping they follow behind me.
Posted by Keith @ 01:39 AM · (0) Trackbacks ·
Aaigh!
While I've always thought that the old folklore and tales about things like Pandora's Box were amusing, and I'm proud and ashamed at the same time that my ancestors were clever enough to come up with these kinds of stories to explain things beyond their comprehension but dumb enough to believe them and pass them down over hundreds of years, they still do have a bit of relevancy these days. Like Pandora's Box, for example, which Pandora was told not to open because it would bode bad things for humanity, yet her curiosity got the better of her and she opened it anyways. It's an odd quirk of human nature that we are fearful of doing or seeing things that will scare us, yet those same things intrigue us to the point where we must experience them because our curiosity inevitably gets the better of us despite our knowledge that there's a distinct possibility we may pee our pants during the course of the experience. Roller coasters. Horror films. Voting Republican. We may be frightened of these things, but there's that niggling little voice in the back of our heads that say, "Hey... I wonder what it's all about. Why not check it out?" So it is here that I hold my own test. Do you dare click on the "more" link, knowing that what you will see after doing so will frighten and horrify you possibly to the point of nausea, or are you content to simply sit back and say, "Eh, it's not worth it," and move on with your life and never give it a second thought? CHOOSE! beafraid.gif
Posted by Keith @ 12:28 AM · (0) Trackbacks ·
Thursday, April 24, 2003
Click click boom
So I'm being told six different things by six different people and I'm like, "Whatever!" So I'm being blown off by all these women and I'm like, "Ehh... Whatever!" So I'm disenchanted with the stuff that's going on in the world and I'm like, "Whatever!" 'Cause this is my United States of Whatever... And this is my United States of Whatever... So I'm getting hassled by the Man and I'm like, "Ehh... Whatever!" So I'm getting way sick of Avril Lavigne and I'm like, "Whatever!" So I'm being woken up at night by the Annoying Fuckwad Neighbors and I'm like, "Shut the fuck up!" 'Cause this is my United States of Whatever... And this is my United States of Whatever...
Posted by Keith @ 02:44 AM · (0) Trackbacks ·
Tuesday, April 22, 2003
Homer was right
Okay, so here's today by the numbers: 1. The day started with an e-mail from a woman I'd been trying to set up a date with, telling me that she had been interested in going out with me after we'd met, but now she had rekindled a relationship with an ex and didn't think it would be right to go out with me given that rekindling. 2. Then my boss told me I wouldn't be getting the raise I wanted/deserved. 3. Then the general manager of Clear Channel's entire Los Angeles cluster called me to give me a 25-minute ass-reaming over the phone. Suffice it to say that the drinking tonight was well-needed, despite the drunken message I left on Eve's voicemail.
Posted by Keith @ 02:12 AM · (0) Trackbacks ·
Monday, April 21, 2003
Holla atcha, dawg
So I spent last night with Wendy, Francisco and Eve. Me & the two women indulged in all-you-can-eat fish & chips while Fran went for some kind of dish involving vegetables, then we all went bowling and to the arcade. Wendy kicked our asses in bowling, then I kicked her ass in the fabled Air Hockey Rematch. Then I had my first Denny's experience ever; Wendy and I shared a banana split. The night was capped off by the glorious sighting of a DeLorean in the parking lot at Denny's! Check out Fran's for pics. Today, I finally got my 1000 CD rack, hauled it back to my apartment with the help of a friend and built the damn thing. Wheeee! I don't have to keep stacking up all my CDs on the floor now. And now, simply because I'm tired and boring, I'm going to skip straight to the Sunday Song o' the Week. Finch - "What It Is To Burn" Today's on fire The sky is beating above me, and I am blistered I walk these signs of blasphemy, every day And still: Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn I feel diseased Is there no sympathy, for the sun The sky's still fire But I am safe in here, from the world outside So tell me What's the price to pay for glory Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her She's the only one who knows what it is to burn Today is fine, and she burns Today is fine, and she burns She burns She burns Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her She's the only one who knows what it is to burn...
Posted by Keith @ 02:49 AM · (0) Trackbacks ·
Friday, April 18, 2003
Coming soon to a life near you
What is it about our society that we've become such a bunch of rabid voyeurs? I had hoped that -- after it ran its due course -- this reality TV programming would blow over and we'd again be blessed with at least quasi-intelligent shows to watch. But it's been more than two years... and it's branching out to the movies now. Despite the fact that we seem to be slipping more towards the lowest common denominator (I think Fox's Temptation Island definitely might've been one of the lowest points on TV -- watch as couples decide whether or not they want to cheat on each other or get married! I mean, if you're at that point of potential cheating, you probably shouldn't get married... but I digress), I'd think that people would actually hesitate to shell out more in addition to the monstrous amounts they're already paying for cable TV to satisfy their reality craving. The Real Cancun -- which is basically like Girls Gone Wild meets MTV Spring Break on the big screen -- and From Justin to Kelly -- which is just American Idol: The Movie That We Suckered You Into Paying To See -- all hit theatres within the coming weeks. And here I thought we'd hit bottom with Kangaroo Jack. It turns out that the network executives are sucking the life out of movies as well, and I have no respect for anyone who actually pays to see these films.
Posted by Keith @ 05:37 PM · (0) Trackbacks ·
KILL KILL KILL
I am livid. The Inconsiderate Fuckwad Neighbors have woken me out of a sound sleep at 2am on a work night, and -- as one cannot be held accountable for his actions when he's still partially asleep -- there are now dents in my wall where I kicked it. Of course, this didn't do any good, this time they just pounded back and started yelling, "Fuck you!" back through the wall. Complaining to them hasn't helped. Tripping their power hasn't helped. Calling the police and filing noise reports hasn't helped. Complaining to the building management hasn't helped. I'm at my wit's end. Besides buying spackle to fix my wall, what the hell do I do now? Serious suggestions only, please; I'm in no mood to hear about how I should sneak into their apartment and put their hands in buckets of warm water while they're sleeping or something asinine like that.
Posted by Keith @ 05:22 AM · (0) Trackbacks ·
Thursday, April 17, 2003
Fashion trendsetter
New t-shirt: I'm a lonely Jew working on Good Friday, and while all of you were running around looking for chocolate bunnies and Cadbury Creme Eggs over Easter weekend, all I got was this fucking piece of matzah. So be kind to your friendly neighborhood Jews, since they're on the Extreme Atkins Diet this week. And whatever you do, please do not taunt the Jews with pizza or bagels or brownies this week. You may not survive.
Posted by Keith @ 12:22 PM · (0) Trackbacks ·
Right on!
Okay, I know I'm a sucker for really dumb things that I find hysterically funny that no one else does. And this is an experiment to see if stuff that I think is hysterically stupidly funny is because of my own singular warped wit or if others out there actually find this stuff as moronically humorous as I do. So listen to this. It's a RealAudio file of something that aired on a station in Atlanta a few nights ago. The DJ imitates Josey Scott from Saliva (he was also in that "Hero" song from Spider-Man with Chad Kroeger from Nickelback) and talks about how Josey came to the station's studio and ate all these cookies that listeners had sent in for the DJ. And he keeps saying "right on!" in this quasi-Southern accent that completely cracks me up.
Posted by Keith @ 03:23 AM · (4) Trackbacks ·
Webster’s definitions redefined
Comedian Main Entry: co·me·di·an Pronunciation: k&-'mE-dE-&n Function: noun Date: 1581 Def.: A person who can make us laugh our fucking asses off without cracking up or losing their composure while doing it.
Posted by Keith @ 02:00 AM · (0) Trackbacks ·
Page 1 of 2 pages  1 2 >