In honor of their great performance yesterday at the Weenie Roast, and also as a result of the sucky way things are going in terms of Life, The Universe and Everything and the fact that this song has basically been an anthem for me over the past few months and how I've been screaming out the lyrics to this song a lot anyways because of all the aforementioned reasons... well, here's my Most Listened To Song o' the Week: The Used - "The Taste of Ink" Is it worth it, can you even hear me Standing with your spotlight on me Not enough to feed the hungry I'm tired and I felt it for awhile now In this sea of lonely The taste of ink is getting old It's four o'clock in the fucking morning Each day gets more and more like the last day Still, I can see it coming While I'm standing in the river drowning This could be my chance to break out This could be my chance to say goodbye At last it's finally over Couldn't take this town much longer Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be Now I'm ready to be free So here I am, it's in my hands And I'll savor every moment of this So here I am, alive at last And I'll savor every moment of this And won't you think I'm pretty When I'm standing top the bright lit city And I'll take your hand and pick you up And keep you there to so you can see As long as you're alive and care I promise I will take you there And we'll drink and dance the night away As long as you're alive Here I am I promise I will take you there...

Whoever said that going to concerts was not a workout has never been to one, since, even after about 9 hours' sleep, I still feel like I was worked over with a steel bat. Unfortunately, I need to go to the gym today to work out. So, the 2003 KROQ Weenie Roast. I'm sad to say that most of the bands I wanted to see yesterday rather disappointed me: Either they sounded bad live -- leading me to believe that their work is mostly studio-engineered -- or they had absolutely no stage presence so I couldn't get into them at all because they generated zero energy. On top of all of that, the way the venue is set up and where our seats were, the left side of my face is rather tanned while the right side... not so much. I look kind of two-toned. I scored backstage passes from a co-worker, so Francisco and I headed back there to see the action. It was funny, because I told him to put on the wristband and he did so questioningly, but as soon as I told him what it was for, his eyes lit up and he said, "Backstage? Let's go -- NOW!" Once backstage, I saw a friend who I hadn't seen in a while and got a chance to say hi, and we saw Seth Green (who is a lot shorter than I thought -- the dude's like 5'3"! Francisco elbowed him, albeit accidentally), Kelly Osbourne (who I almost had to ask Fran to restrain me from walking over and kicking her ass), Pat O'Brien from Access Hollywood, Jared Leto (who's growing his hair out -- but every time I saw him, Requiem for a Dream flashed into my head and I had to move on because that movie literally made me sick to my stomach), Liam Lynch (who I had to restrain Fran from going over to and saying, "Liam Lynch... whatever!"), Juliette Lewis (who's actually a lot better-looking in real life than she is in the movies), Pete Yorn (whose performance earlier was very bass-intensive, he needs to talk to his sound engineer about that), the guys from Chevelle, a couple of the guys from Hot Hot Heat (whose show I skipped out on -- the lead singer's voice annoys me) and Jack White of the White Stripes (who was being interviewed by KROQ's Tami Heide, he's very tall and was dressed to the nines in a suit and a bowler hat -- Fran was within arm's reach of him and did nothing, despite his undying love for the White Stripes). They'd rented the In 'N' Out trucks for the day, so we had free burgers, and we hobnobbed with the elite (and used their bathrooms). I introduced myself to KROQ's music director, who only knew me by name and who I had accidentally kind of insulted when I interviewed her for a column I wrote a few months ago, so I made good and now she has a face to go with the name, and hopefully, it's the start of a beautiful friendship. Bands seen: - The Ataris, who were eh. They played well, but they didn't have much energy and even though the lead singer kept saying, "You guys are an awesome crowd! You fuckin' rock," I didn't quite see it. - Interpol, who I was pleasantly surprised by -- they put on one of the best technical performances of the day in that their music was dead-on, the sound engineering was good and you could hear every note they were playing and every word the lead singer was singing. Francisco loves Interpol, so while the crowd was clapping and kind of cheering for them, he was jumping up and down and screaming, "WOOOOO! INTERPOL! YOU GUYS ROCK! WOOOOOOO!" I had to distance myself from him a bit while they were playing. - Finch, who I was really looking forward to seeing and who really disappointed me. "Letters to You" and "What It Is to Burn" are two of my favorite songs right now, and I really liked the band because they had a tight sound on their album and the lead singer could actually sing. Unfortunately, in concert, the sound was awful and sounded like a sonic assault, and the lead singer spent most of his time screaming unintelligibly into the microphone. - Chevelle, who I was again really looking forward to seeing but who really disappointed me. Chevelle's album is so full of energy and raw emotion, but none of it translated into their live performance. - The Used, who really surprised me. They had a ton of energy, they worked really well with the small crowd and they put on a great technical performance -- the songs they played actually sounded like the songs on their album. - Blur, who annoyed me. Damon Albarn looked like he was bored and annoyed with the crowd because they wanted to hear rock songs like "Song 2" and "Crazy Beat," and he wanted to preach to the crowd about love and peace and play songs like "Tender" and the crowd was having none of that. Pompous ass. - Transplants, who rocked, and they sounded like their album as well. Oddly enough, they brought out Pink (who I didn't recognize -- she's dyed her hair black and looks a lot tubbier than I remember) and she sang "Get the Party Started" while the Transplants backed her up. How surreal. Then they brought out the rest of Rancid, and they played a couple of songs. - The White Stripes, who generated a lot of energy despite the fact that there were only two of them on stage. Fran has a thing for Meg White. The crowd was really into them. I'm not so into them. They're okay. - Jane's Addiction, who made a surprise appearance. Man, they were great. The crowd went nuts, the band had tons of energy and they sounded awesome. It's great to see that band back together again. Their new stuff sounds like it's going to rock. - Deftones, who I was also looking forward to seeing and who really disappointed me. They sounded like they were just generating a cacophony of sound and their lead singer was unintelligible. I was ready for them to go offstage long before their performance was done. - Foo Fighters, who I missed most of their performance while I was off buying a t-shirt, but I heard a lot of it and went back to catch a few songs. They were great -- they sounded technically awesome, they were energetic and the crowd was into them, they played all their hits (which is what the crowd wants to hear, of course!) and they put on a good show. So that's that. 10 hours of rock, 9 hours of sleep, and now, 2 hours at the gym and then some time in the sun to even out my face. That's my weekend. How was yours?

It just felt wrong today. I mean, I didn't really think that people were going out of their way to set me off today, but it sure seemed like it. The universe just seemed off-kilter for a whole bunch of people, not just me. And then I realized why (with a little help from Eve) -- it's Friday the 13th. You'd think that, given the fact that most people look forward to Friday and dread Monday, Monday the 13th would be more of a superstitious day, though, right? Okay, I'm home now, I'm boarding up the windows and locking all the doors and staying in so nothing else bad will happen. But of course, it'll be just my luck that the DirecTV'll go out, the DSL will go down and the Annoying Fuckwad Neighbors will be up until 3am making the walls shake with their bassoriffic tune-age to completely screw with my night. Maybe the bathroom will explode again. In other news, the L.A. Times ran an article today on a record store in Silver Lake that hosts karaoke nights regularly, except it's all rap and hip-hip, and mostly -- as the article says, what us white kids perceive of as -- old-school tunes. Kick ass. You know I'm gonna have to go up there and bust a move at some point in the near future and get funky with the other white boys. I'll drop my mad skillz, yo. I can hear the chants now: Go, white boy... go, white boy... it's yer birfday... go, white boy... It won't matter though, since I won't be able to hear them. I expect to be fully deaf after tomorrow. Even though KROQ gave me sucky tickets to this year's Weenie Roast, one of my co-workers is hooking me up with 2nd row orchestra seats. Ohhhhh yeah, 30 hours from now, my eardrums will be non-existent. Fran is getting all excited at the prospect of getting White Stripe Meg White's sweat all over him. UPDATE: I hit "save" on this entry, and guess what? The walls started booming about 45 seconds later. The Annoying Fuckwad Neighbors must be reading my blog.

- Today's mailbag at work contained the new A Tribe Called Quest compilation CD. Triiiiiiiiiibe... [insert Homer Simpson drooling noise here] I've also received the singles from American Idol champion Ruben Studdard and runner-up Clay Aiken. [cricket noises] - Controversial thought of the day: We euthansize our pets to put them out of their pain and misery because we love them and we don't want to see them suffer, why don't we do the same with people? - Someone here at work just answered their phone, "Hello, this is Jesus." I almost sprayed Diet Coke all over my computer monitor after I heard that.

I've managed to avoid another potential JDate psychotic episode. Well, kind of. Over the past month or so, I've been contacted four times by this one girl -- the past three times, I've politely declined through the system with the automated "thanks, but no thanks" response. But this time when she IMed me -- despite the fact that it says in my JDate profile that I can't receive IMs through the system -- I had to take matters into my own hands. I sent her an e-mail through the system saying something along the lines of, "Look, not to be rude or anything, but this is the fourth time you've tried to contact me, and this is the fourth time I'm declining. I wish you all the best in finding someone, but I don't think it's me. Please stop trying to contact me." (I did say it a little nicer than that... but not much, since I was pretty annoyed.) So I got a note back from her again! According to her, she and a friend both use the same account (hello, deception much if it's true?) and her friend's the one who keeps trying to contact me. Oh, and by the way, what I said was rude after all. I hope that this will be the end that I hear from either of these women, though Sledge has raised the possibility that it might just be one schizophrenic person. Either way, I also woke up this morning to a message from Friendster confirming the fact that someone had agreed to join my circle. Here's the problem though... the subject line read, "Congratulations! [insert name] is now your friend!" As if I needed validation? Apparently, there's a reason why the program is still in beta.

So, I've had coffee and water spilled on me, rice dropped on me and pizza bumped into me. Suffice it to say that I look like a buffet and I may have to do a load of laundry when I get home from work at midnight tonight. But today is looking up because I have been blessed with the only Words of Wisdom I'll ever need: There are only two things you need in life: WD-40 and duct tape. If something doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If something moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape.

Philip Morris sues over bootleg smokes, says the Associated Press. Mark my words, they'll find some way to blame this on the Internet and peer-to-peer downloaders.

Airing tonight on MTV2 at 12:30am ET: Videos to Have Sex To. Because, you know, when we're having sex, we're going to want to have that TV on, and who better to tell us what to be watching during the act than MTV, provider and trendsetter of all things cultural?

I feel this encroaching feeling of apathy... it's been building over a period of time, and I'm sure it's been showing here. My blog, which used to be a collection of really insightful and humorous insights that I'd made, has dwindled mostly into a recounting of my daily occurrences... kind of like a diary. And no, this is not a desperate plea for people to comment and tell me what a wonderful writer I am -- quite bluntly and honestly, my blog is for me to express myself, and I should be the only one whose opinion matters about this, because I'm doing this for me and not to please anyone else. And quite frankly, I'm fairly displeased with what I've done with this site, and many times I've kept myself from posting things I've written because I just didn't want to blog for the sake of blogging. I've always said that I need someone to play off of. When people tell me that they think I'm a riot and that I should try being a stand-up comic or something, I've always responded that I need someone to get me started. Once I'm rolling, I can go on for a while, and I'm usually pretty good about making people laugh once I'm rolling. But it's that initial push that I need externally, and people don't realize that when they tell me I'm funny... well, it's because they give me the fodder to start, even if it's playfully, which is why I always work better when I'm in a group of 3 or more people rather than just me and someone else. So, in essence, these other people I'm around are the ones being funny. And it's kind of the reason why things have not been as wonderful around here as they used to be. As I said last week, it almost seems like we've hit a wall as far as creativity in this country. Reality TV is at an all-time high, so we're basically watching people doing our everyday activities on television all the time now. The biggest movies this summer are either sequels or remakes -- and half the problem is that many people don't realize that the remakes are remakes. Several of the songs at the top of the charts are cover songs -- and again, many people don't realize that they are covers. So here's the problem. I'm reflecting the lack of creativity out there. It's killing me. I ache for something new. I ache for something creative and original so I can feed off of it, consume it, shine with its reflected glory. I feel no original spark out there; therefore, the one in me is slowly fading out as well, the creative energy that I feed off of is running out so mine is as well. And I hate it. I guess I can blame the media in some roundabout way, though in cases like these, I hate pawning off my own shortcomings on a generalized "they" that's out of my control. There's nothing new under the sun for me and you Won't somebody please Stop the world Stop the world I wanna get off... -- Extreme, "Stop the World"

There are always times when running on autopilot can really complicate things. Like tonight, when I left The Bridge after seeing The Matrix Reloaded with Wendy, Fran, Eve, her friend Tonya who I've met before, Krix and her friend Tess. Except I was so used to getting on the 405 freeway going south from there -- since I know that the freeway is usually clogged with traffic, so I take city streets to that exit and then get on the freeway there -- that I just kind of was lost in thought and got on the freeway going south like I always do... instead of going north like I needed to in order to get home. And now, the Sunday Most Listened To Song O' The Week... it's fairly relevant given the week's events, I suppose. Blink 182 - "Man Overboard" So sorry it's over, so sorry it's over There's so much more that I wanted and (So sorry it's over) There's so much more that I needed and (So sorry it's over) Time keeps moving on and on and on Soon we'll all be gone Let's take some time to talk this over You're out of line and rarely sober We can't depend on your excuses 'Cause in the end, it's fucking useless You can only lean on me for so long Bring the ship about to watch a friend drown Sit out on the ledge, begged you to come down You can only lean on me for so long I remember shots without a chaser Absentminded thoughts, now you're a stranger Cover up the scars, put on your game face Left you in the bar to try and save face You can only lean on me for so long Bring the ship about to watch a friend drown Sit out on the ledge, begged you to come down You can only lean on me for so long So sorry it's over, so sorry it's over There's so much more that I wanted and (So sorry it's over) There's so much more that I needed and (So sorry it's over) Time keeps moving on and on and on Soon we'll all be gone Man on a mission, can't say I miss him around Insider information, hand in your resignation Loss of a good friend, best of intentions I found Tight-lipped procrastination Yeah, later, see you around...

Isn't it beautiful and all shiny and gorgeous? This design has actually been several months in the making -- rather, it was done several months ago and has been sitting on the server without the ability to implement it. But the wonderful code-warriors of the web have done their thing, and now it's time to run the credits, give them their due and for the rest of you to enjoy the snazzy new look. By the way, it'll only show up nice and cool in IE for the moment. Safari is a little wonky in that the sidebar shows up below the blog, and Netscape... well, let's not discuss Netscape. Anyways, here goes: GRAPHICS: The lovely Eve DESIGN AND HTML: Eve DOMAIN PROCUREMENT AND SETUP: The caffeine-enhanced Wendy UNWATCHABLE WEATHERGIRL: Jillian Barberie FTP GODDESS: Wendy QUEEN OF PATIENCE: Eve BACK-END SUPPORT: Wendy, Eve, my chair EVERYTHING ELSE HAVING TO DO WITH THE DESIGN, SETUP AND IMPLEMENTATION THAT I FORGOT TO LIST: Wendy and/or Eve SOUNDTRACK BY: Flogging Molly SPECIAL THANKS TO: Mom, Dad, Apple Computer, Nick Hornby, Aaron Sorkin and the cast and crew of Sports Night, Stolichnaya, Seth McFarlane and the cast of crew of Family Guy, Lewis Black, Matt Groening and the cast of crew of Futurama, that little invisible Martian who hovers above my shoulder, and all the wacky cast of characters that play roles in The Keith Show that is my life -- except those who aggravate me. Copyright 2003, to infinity and beyond. All rights reserved. Steal my writing and/or my shiny new design, and there will be hell to pay. The people and events represent here may or may not be based on actual people and events, you'll just have to decide for yourself, won't you? REALITY REMIXED: Like Disco Lemonade You're still here? It's over! Go home! Go on!

The day just slowly slid downwards as it went on, especially as it approached the evening. It all culminated when my date for the night cancelled -- she's a lawyer and was walking out the door of her office when one of the partners asked her where she was going and dumped a whole bunch of work on her. She's actually the second date to cancel on me for tonight; I was originally supposed to go out with someone else tonight, but she got sick and cancelled last night. The day was fairly decent, otherwise. I got a chance to talk with one of the guys who works at one of my favorite radio stations -- he & his on-air partner host one of my favorite shows anywhere. We were trading stories about Boston and New England, since he still lives in Boston and works in Providence. We both agreed that being a Red Sox fan is the greatest form of masochism known to man. Time to crawl into bed and let this workweek limp to a close.

I woke up to the sound of not one, not two, but three police and news helicopters hovering at a low altitude right near my place. So either (a) there's another car chase going on through the streets of the Westside, or (b) there's some ill shit goin' down in the 'hood, yo. Oh, and pending Skits' cable modem becoming active, there may be some changes over the weekend. Don't freak out, mmmkay? UPDATE: Apparently, they evacuated the high school right near my apartment because some kids were complaining about "watery eyes." Well, that shoots my commute straight to hell, I go right past it... Eve thinks it's just some organized ploy to get out of school, but I think it's the work of terrorists, because only terrorists can make high school students cry en masse. Okay, and someone needs to shoot the morning weatherperson on KNBC in Los Angeles. Anyone who comes on to do the weather and starts by singing "Good Morning" from Singin' in the Rain needs to be punished.

So, I just met Marc Ratner -- the real Marc Ratner, the guy who the character in Fast Times at Ridgemont High is named after. He brought a really cool band to our office to play for us. And he brought Haagen-Dazs! But what a way to be immortalized, man...

And now, a play re-enacting Keith's day. The part of Keith will be played by a fish, specifically a largemouth bass. SCENE: Bedroom, gawdawfully early, Keith in bed SOUND CUE: Alarm KEITH: [appropriate fish noises] [puffing gills] ACTION: KEITH uses tail to hit alarm's SNOOZE button several times SCENE: Gym, 45 minutes later MANY PEOPLE milling around in the background, doing various exercise-type activities PERSONAL TRAINER: Push! Feel the burn! Can you feel the burn?! Give me five more, only five more! KEITH: [appropriate fish noises] [puffing gills] KEITH: [thinking: Dammit, I wish I had vocal cords so I could remind this bastard that I'm a fish and I have no arms so I can't give him any pushups at all!] SCENE: An office building, a few hours later CUBE FARM WORKERS silently doing various tasks SOUND CUE: KENNY G playing on KEITH's computer KEITH: [appropriate fish noises] KEITH flails tail around, not accomplishing much KEITH: [thinking: Dammit, who's the wise guy who put this awful music on? If only I had opposable thumbs and could change the CD...] SCENE: Apartment building, dark laundry room WASHER and DRYER are both running and making appropriate machinery noises KEITH is inside washer along with a load of white clothing KEITH: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! SCENE: Apartment building, the bedroom where the day began CLOTHES are dumped on the bed KEITH is flailing around on the bed as well, not accomplishing much at all KEITH: [appropriate fish noises] [puffing gills] KEITH: [thinking: Dammit, those opposable thumbs would reeeeeeally come in handy right now... how am I supposed to fold the laundry and put a decent DVD in the machine without them?] END. CURTAIN.