Will someone please explain to me this widespread fear of clowns? Clowns are supposed to be happy and funny and bring joy to your life. Why are people afraid of them?

It can sometimes be a great thing when you take lines out of context... like "Somebody light this monkey!" Ahh, Homer Simpson, you are the living end. And now, more pictures from Santa Barbara. This is Wendy giving me her "I'm scared of garden gnomes" facial expression. Here's Eve and Wendy looking cute as usual. Awww... such a tender moment. And now for my Sunday Most Listened-to Song o' the Week -- I know it's a day late, but things have been busy around here. It's from Maroon 5, who I saw perform at the House of Blues tonight and who put on an amazing show. Maroon 5 - "Must Get Out" I've been the needle and the thread Weaving figure eights and circles round your head I try to laugh but cry instead Patiently wait to hear the words you've never said Fumbling through your dresser drawer, forgot what I was looking for Try to guide me in the right direction Making use of all this time Keeping everything inside Close my eyes and listen to you cry I'm lifting you up I'm letting you down I'm dancing til dawn I'm fooling around I'm not giving up I'm making your love This city's made us crazy and we must get out This not goodbye, she said It is just time for me to rest my head She does not walk, she runs instead Down these jagged streets and into my bed Fumbling through your dresser drawer, forgot what I was looking for Try to guide me in the right direction Making use of all this time Keeping everything inside Close my eyes and listen to you cry I'm lifting you up I'm letting you down I'm dancing til dawn I'm fooling around I'm not giving up I'm making your love This city's made us crazy and we must get out There's only so much I can do for you After all of the things you put me through...

Another weekend gone way too quickly. I spent all day on Saturday in beautiful Santa Barbara celebrating Skits' birthday with her, Francisco and Eve. I've never been, and it was a really lovely town... Here's us on the infamous bike where Fran got Wendy's foot caught in the pedals -- I'm just glad nothing really bad happened... And here's Fran -- as always -- arguing with someone. Usually that someone is me, so I was kind of glad he'd found someone else to disagree with... More later, for now I'm late for a breakfast with a group I wrote a story on a few weeks ago.

This is why I love my co-workers who have the same kind of warped sense of humor that I do. So, tonight is the beginning of Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year (for some reason, the Jewish day goes from sundown to sundown as opposed to sunup to sunup like the rest of us, and yes, I'm being a bad Jew by not going to temple tonight, but get off my back okay? But I digress). As a result, a lot of Jews took today off, which, in certain industries and areas -- like the music business -- can make things pretty quiet. Hence this conversation that actually occurred within my co-worker's office today: Me: I've figured out why nothing's happening today. It's Rosh Hashanah. All the Jews are in temple, and since we control everything, nothing happens when we're away. Co-worker: Damn you. I'm going to call some Christians I know right now. Me: What, are you going to try to oppress my people? Will there be lions involved? Co-worker: Damn straight. Me and the other Catholics are going to stir up some trouble and kick some ass.

In the midst of madness, here's me & Wyclef Jean... taken yesterday in my office. How cool is this?

From the episode of Family Guy that was just on: Peter: Brian, look! There's a message in my Alpha-Bits! It says, "Ooooooooooo." Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios. What a kickass day. Wyclef Jean came into our office and played acoustically for around 15 of us -- just him, his acoustic guitar and his cousin tapping out a beat on our conference table. He freestyled for like 5 minutes too. It was absolutely amazing. One of my co-workers took a pic of me & him, which I will post here when I get it. In other news, I am finally the proud owner of my own digital camera. Once the batteries are charged, there's no stopping me. I've got a 128MB Memory Stick, and I'm not afraid to use it! Wheeeeeeeeee!

Barbra Streisand says she's bored with her own songs. Then how on Earth can she expect the rest of us not to be? In other news, one of my co-workers interviewed Neil Diamond on Monday and, among other things, asked him what his favorite song to sing karaoke was... well, since everyone loves to sing HIS songs karaoke (myself included -- the last time I did karaoke, I sang "Sweet Caroline" with Eve's roommate). It will shock you all to know that Mr. Diamond does not sing karaoke and has never been to a karaoke bar. He's just never felt the need.

I'm a listmaker. That way I remember everything I need to get done, because if I don't write it down, I will forget. 1. Certain people's predictions that I wouldn't like Underworld were correct. Aspects of it reminded me way too readily of The Matrix, the plotline was thin and confusing at points, and it was predictable -- and for me to say that means a lot, because I usually just sit back and let the movie pander to me without thinking, so if I can see what's coming, there's a problem. Kate Beckinsale was HOT though... even if she was dressed like Trinity. 2. John Mayer is a no-talent assclown. I must reiterate this. He is not original. He's a halfway decent songwriter who cannot sing -- anyone can be studio-engineered to sound good, but when I've seen him live, he's almost unintelligible and he has no tonal quality beyond his raspiness. He stands up at the microphone, waves his knees like Dave Matthews, moans into the mic, and the women in the audience go nuts. I don't get it. 3. My car has no name. I cannot name my car. Every time anyone in my family has named their car, the car dies. It's a family curse. So my car is affectionately referred to as "my baby," but that's all.

I recently logged into Friendster after I'd let it lapse for a while, since I received a message from someone in my "personal network," and I was absolutely shocked to see that I am now connected to over 280,000 people. I've found people on the other side of the country who I know remotely through work and personal interests, yet Friendster has linked me to them personally in four people or less. It's absolutely ridiculous how the Internet has made the world so incredibly small. It's been an interesting weekend, to say the least. She was a long cool woman in a black dress, and that's all I'll say about that. And now, my Sunday Most Listened-to Song o' the Week. I just can't seem to get enough Catherine Wheel these days, and I'm pissed as all hell that my satellite radio company seems to have dropped them (and many other kickass artists) from the playlist on the alternative channel in favor of a more "mainstream" alternative station. Hell, if I wanted Goodsum-4182 all the time, I can get that on the local airwaves. Catherine Wheel - "Delicious" I must have been crazy I think I was being brave I think I was Bruce Lee I might have been Michael Caine So give me something to cover my eyes Weakness and deep stress, what am I? "A B C D you're in the belly of me" You eat, you sleep, you breathe Something delicious You spill, you grip, you squeeze Something delicious You peel, you strip, you bleed Something delicious Delicious I must be confused Oh, it's so typical Some fleshy temptation And the sweetness only improves So give me something to cover my eyes Ooh weakness and distress, what am I? "Tree to fruit apple to seed You are the A in Adam and Eve" You eat, you sleep, you breathe Something delicious You spill, you grip, you squeeze Something delicious You peel, you strip, you bleed Something delicious Delicious Something delicious Give all your hope to me Make all your love to me You eat, you sleep, you breathe Something delicious You spill, you grip, you squeeze Something delicious You say you think you are Something delicious Something delicious Something delicious You say you think you hold Something delicious So save some of your hope for me...

In lieu of actual content, I offer this to you: an actual map of The Simpsons' Springfield. I forget who made it, but they're either very talented, very sociopathic or very lonely. By the way, there's a decent chance I may be going to Orlando in December with my mom -- we're going to spend some time at Disney World. My question is this: Besides Disney World, Universal Studios and SeaWorld, is there anything else to do in Orlando? I can't think of anything... but bear in mind with any suggestions that I will be there with my mom. They must be mom-friendly activities. No strip clubs.

To give you some kind of example as to how weird my week has been, this joke has been running through my head for the last two days, and I can't get it out: Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Fish.

Here's some questions for you to ponder... don't spend too much time trying to answer them, because doing so would just be participating in the absurd futility that is America. 1. In Los Angeles, the City Council is voting to outlaw lap dances and establish a "six-foot buffer zone," as it were, between dancers and audiencemembers. There's already a law that says you can't drink alcoholic beverages in full-nude clubs. So basically, you can't drink and you can't get anywhere near the dancers... what's the damn point of going to a strip club? You could probably spend a whole lot less money just staying home, buying a porno on pay-per-view while pounding back some Jack-and-Cokes. 2. In a press conference today, President Bush acknowledged that Saddam Hussein had no role in the 9/11 attacks. So why the hell did we go into Iraq and level the place, especially after he explicitly said during his Presidential campaign that he didn't think it was right for us to go running around the world acting like policemen? And how gullible does he think we are, telling us that he's "not surprised the public made the connection" between Saddam Hussein and 9/11, while he did nothing to discourage it and in fact encouraged it? 3. In a related question, the head of the General Accounting Office says that we are on track to have a record deficit of $500 billion next year -- in his words, a "disaster" -- and yet our Fearless Leader wants to spend how many billions of dollars of my hard-earned money building up a country he can't explain why he leveled? 4. When Hurricane Isabel was approaching the East Coast, the meteorologists all said it would hit "somewhere between Jacksonville and New York." Umm... they pay people to make those kind of predictions? Why can't they pay me to make those kinds of predictions? I can say things like that. "Hey, here in Los Angeles, the sun will probably come out some time tomorrow, and it'll probably become night at some point as well."

Those of you who know me know that I'm incredibly into music and radio. So when I found out today that the alternative station that I grew up on -- the one that introduced me to the music I love today and the one that I used to spend hours listening to when I was in high school, eating up all they had to offer me -- changed to hip-hop this afternoon, I felt like another little part of my childhood had died. Admittedly, the station had not been doing well in the ratings and I had liked to poke fun at it for being pretty bad as far as alternative stations went, but it still held a special place in my heart as being my first love, and I guess I'm lucky that it lasted as long as it did, considering all the station changes going on these days. I guess in a lot of ways now, I can never go home again, for the house I grew up in has been sold to some complete strangers and the soundtrack isn't my life anymore -- it's thumping bass and prefab sampled beats and words with "z" at the end of them. As The Ataris say, So Long, Astoria. The Ataris - "In This Diary" Here in this diary, I write you visions of my summer. It was the best I ever had. There were choruses and sing-alongs, And that unspoken feeling Of knowing that right now is all that matters. All the nights we stayed up talking Listening to '80s songs And quoting lines from all those movies that we love. It still brings a smile to my face. I guess when it comes down to it... Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up: These are the best days of our lives. The only thing that matters is just following your heart And eventually you'll finally get it right. Breaking into hotel swimming pools And wreaking havoc on our world. Hanging out at truck stops just to pass the time. The black top's singing me to sleep. Lighting fireworks in parking lots, Illuminate the blackest nights. Cherry cokes under this moonlit summer sky. 2015 Riverside, it's time to say, "goodbye." Get on the bus, it's time to go. Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up: These are the best days of our lives. The only thing that matters is just following your heart, And eventually you'll finally get it right...

Perennial butt-of-jokes Yoko Ono is staging some kind of art show where she is inviting people to come and cut off pieces of her clothing for peace, and at the end of each "performance," she'll be naked. Quite honestly, I think that's a pretty powerful act, since I really don't want to see Yoko Ono naked, and I think there's a lot I'd do to make her keep her clothes on. I mean, forget the fact that's she's now 70 years old. This is Yoko Ono we're talking about here.

According to the Myers-Briggs personality test, I am an ENTJ -- a fieldmarshal. I am part of less than 2% of the population. I am a leader.