For 2004, I resolve to: - Pretty much do what I did last year, but preferably with less drama and angst - GOTO 10 Happy new year, everyone. Hope it's a good 2004 for all of you, except for the evil network TV executives who keep cancelling all the shows that I like. See you on the flipside.

Second-to-last day of the year. Time to really think about everything that's happened this year -- and it's been a lot. I think life's been pretty decent to me this year, and I'm thankful for all the friends I have and all the success I've had this year. Time to start looking forward to 2004 and wondering just what the hell the next year has to offer. Summary of 2003: I'm not a morning person. I think that says it all. If I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening and good night.

So, the last few days: - Worked on Friday (suck!) which I shouldn't have because I technically had the day off, but news broke so I had to fix it. Sometimes, being a journalist is a wee bit aggravating that way, but at least the job got done. - Went to Jenn's mom's Chanukah party on Saturday. Dear Lord, there was way too much food there. - Slept until 1pm yesterday. - Saw Elf. Loved it. Winter has covered the nation now -- even in Los Angeles, where it's now jacket weather. I always enjoyed the Christmas season (as much as I bitch about it) because it brought a little color and light and fun to the bleakness that is several months of freezing cold, lack of green and short days that is winter in the Northeast. Christmas was bright and shiny and all lit up. So now that Christmas is over, the bleakness of winter will set in, and everyone will hunker down for the next couple of months to wait until the thaw. But the upside is... at least I won't have to listen to those thrice-be-damned Christmas carols anymore -- four weeks is enough.

I dreamed last night that I was back in college despite the fact that people I knew from high school were running around in my dream, that it was finals time and that I had skipped classes for several weeks and would have to read somewhere in the vicinity of 1200 pages and write like 10 papers all in the course of a weekend just to pass a class. Even though I'd only slept for 7 hours and I really wanted to sleep late today, it's been a while since I've been that glad to wake up. Last night, I went to a Jewish Christmas Day party called "Latkes and Vodka." Latkes are potato pancakes that are traditionally made during Chanukah. After a while, the party petered out and it wound up being four of us hanging out and going out to eat and playing Trivial Pursuit, one of whom was a very old friend who I knew from summer camp and who I wound up going to college with as well, and another was someone who I'd met at college because he dated someone I knew there and came to visit her. How random. Anyways, as you can tell, I'm running a little sluggish (and I'm trying very hard not to be sick -- sore throat that I've had for three days, this means you), so I'm just going to do this layer meme thing because I've never done it before and it's mildly intriguing. So how much do you really want to know about me? LAYER ONE: -- Name: Keith -- Birth date: 12/21/76 -- Birthplace: Brooklyn, NYC, baby! I'm way too proud of that, even though I only lived in New York for a short time. -- Current Location: L.A. -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hair Color: Jet black -- Height: 5'9". -- Righty or Lefty: Righty -- Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius. And I was born during the Chinese Year of the Dragon. So I'm like a double fire sign. Don't cross me, or I'll burn your ass! LAYER TWO: -- Your heritage: Eastern European & Russian mutt. We're not quite sure where my great-grandparents came from. -- The shoes you wore today: Black Skechers -- Your weakness: Women, music, electronics stores, DVDs -- Your fears: Death, losing eyesight or hearing, other assorted health problems, getting water in my ears (I hate that!) -- Your perfect pizza: There's this place near where I grew up in Connecticut that makes the best gorgonzola pizza... I literally haven't had it in years, and I still think about it and it makes my mouth water. -- Goal you'd like to achieve: Becoming Overlord of the Earth. LAYER THREE: -- Your most overused phrase on AIM: hehe -- Your first waking thoughts: I can think that early? -- Your best physical feature: My eyes... I've gotten compliments from women, which is key. -- Your most missed memory: Unfortunately, my brain can remember everything I've ever done that I'm ashamed of, and it -- like my father can do as well -- can occasionally whip out the list and start reading off everything I've done wrong in my life, which keeps me up at night and feeling miserable every now and then. LAYER FOUR: -- Pepsi or Coke: Diet Coke, and while it's partially the calories because I drink a fair amount of soda, it's mostly because I grew up with Diet Coke and I'm accustomed to the taste and actually prefer it to regular Coke. -- McDonald's or Burger King: In-n-Out. C'mon, I moved to L.A. for that! -- Single or group dates: Single, unless it's a group activity and you've been dating for a while. -- Adidas or Nike: My boys in Run-D.M.C. sing about "My Adidas." -- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: No tea, no shoes, no dice. -- Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolatechocolatechocolate!!! [sigh] -- Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee! Don't be puttin' no creamy topping in my coffee. (The joke has nothing to do with perversion. At work, we had M&M/Mars come in to demonstrate this new coffee machine they're selling, which also makes cappuccinos, and the way it works is that you put in the packet of what kind of coffee you want, and if you want a cappuccino, you have to add a packet marked "creamy topping." By the end of the day of the demonstration, we were completely out of "creamy topping.") LAYER FIVE: -- Smoke: On occasion, I have been known to. Of course, that's not counting my last 8 months in Boston, which I pretty much spent perpetually drunk and high. -- Cuss: More than I fucking should. It'll come back to bite me, like the time I was in a restaurant and dropped a tomato in my lap and said, "Fuck!" and then my friend tapped me and said, "That 4-year-old kid behind you just heard you... and so did his mother." -- Sing: All the damn time. Especially when I'm drunk. And yes, I really can sing. -- Take a shower everyday: Don't leave home without it. -- Do you think you've been in love: More than likely. That might explain some of the aforementioned stupid things I've done. -- Want to go to college: Already went. Still getting the phone calls asking for donations to the alumni fund. (Note to self: Change phone number.) -- Liked high school: Fuck no. -- Want to get married: Eventually. -- Believe in yourself: Yeah. -- Get motion sickness: Never. I can amaze people with my ability to read books on buses and in cars (not while driving, thanks), and I don't get seasick either. -- Think you're attractive: Why not? -- Think you're a health freak: Uhh... In-n-Out? -- Get along with your parent(s): Yeah. -- Like thunderstorms: Love them. Miss them so much. There's not too much weather here, and if it starts misting outside, the natives freak out. The only thunder & lightning storm I ever saw in Los Angeles was actually on my birthday in 2002. -- Play an instrument: I played trombone for 10 years, but gave it up when I hit college to sing. LAYER SIX: In the past month... -- Drank alcohol: Does last night count? -- Smoked: Which kind of smoking are we talking about here? -- Done a drug: Umm... plead the Fifth? -- Made Out: Does last night count? -- Gone on a date: Sure, if you want to call it that. -- Gone to the mall?: In December? Are you crazy? -- Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: Never done that. -- Eaten sushi: I tried to... but my favorite sushi place is apparently closed for the holidays and neglected to tell me. Bastards! -- Been on stage: Not this month. -- Been dumped: Umm... kind of but not really? -- Gone skating: Not this month. -- Made homemade cookies: Hmm... do cookie bars count? -- Dyed your hair: Nah. My hair's so dark, I can't dye it at all. -- Stolen Anything: Nein! LAYER SEVEN: Ever... -- Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yup. -- If so, was it mixed company: Hehe... -- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yeah. -- Been caught "doing something": Umm... yeah, unfortunately. -- Been called a tease: Not in the way you're asking. -- Gotten beaten up: Once. Now I just aggravate people to the point where they want to hit me but know they shouldn't. -- Shoplifted: No. -- Changed who you were to fit in: Nah. If you don't like me, it's your own damn fault. LAYER EIGHT: -- Age you hope to be married: I'd like to be married sometime before I turn 80, thanks. -- Numbers and Names of Children: One of them will be named "Quinn," it's the name I used when I was on the air. -- Describe your Dream Wedding: I'm a guy. I don't think about things like that. -- How do you want to die: In my sleep, peacefully. -- Where you want to go to college: Already did. -- What do you want to be when you grow up: A high-powered, highly-paid CEO. -- What country would you most like to visit: Australia and Italy. LAYER NINE: -- Number of drugs taken illegally: 2. -- Number of people I could trust with my life: Parents. That's all. -- Number of CDs that I own: I think it's somewhere around 700 right now... and growing. -- Number of piercings: 0 -- Number of tattoos: 0 -- against the religion. -- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: I work for a newspaper. My name's in the paper every freakin' week! -- Number of scars on my body: Many. For some reason, I guess I just don't heal well. -- Number of things in my past that I regret: See above comment about the laundry list my brain and my father keep.

Merry Christmas. France Says No Proof of Hijack Plot Found. Thanks for stranding people both in Paris and Los Angeles on Christmas Eve, President Moron and assorted evil minions.

Will someone please explain to me this need for people to wait until the last minute to do their Christmas shopping? It's not like the day of Christmas changes from year to year -- you know when it's going to be, and you have 364 days to prepare for it! (365 in 2004, even!) So why do people insist on waiting until Christmas Eve to go shopping, tie up all the lines and flood the malls, completely ruin parking and make a bad experience for everyone by creating a mob? If you want to make a New Year's resolution that will actually benefit yourself and others, resolve to have your Christmas shopping done by December 15 next year. Besides, can't you people order things online?

Okay, so I'm not one of those rabid militant Jews who goes around correcting everyone when they tell me to have a merry Christmas. I realize that I'm in the minority and given the lack of a large Jewish population, wishing me a merry Christmas might be a safe bet. Plus, it's the thought that counts. They want me to have a merry day, regardless of what I do that day, even if it does consist of the patented heathen Chinese Food & Movies™ Jewish Christmas Day Activities. So to all my Christian friends out there... Merry Christmas! And thanks for the four-day weekend. As a present to you, here's my favorite Christmas song. "Swiss Colony Beef Log" - South Park's Eric Cartman Stockings are hung on the chimney And the presents are under the tree And Mama's in the kitchen, Making some herbal tea The windows are covered with frost, And the candles are all alight But as I wander through this quiet house, Something just doesn't seem right You see, every year, the neighbors bring us a Swiss Colony Beef Log But the neighbors aren't around, around, around There's no Beef Log to be found This year No Beef Log Christmas isn't Christmas Without a Swiss Colony Beef Log Without those cheeses and meats, I don't think I can get around My mother tries to comfort me, She says "Here, son, have some egg nog" I fucking hate egg nog, seriously What do I see? Underneath the tree? Grandma got a Swiss Colony Beef Log just for me Ahhh... Grandma! Swiss Colony Beef Log, baby! That's what Christmas is all about! The Roly Poly Colony Beef Log, baby! Makes a little boy scream and shout! Deck the halls with boughs of Swiss Colony La la la la la, la la, la LAAAAAA!! Sweet...

So apparently my hosting company changed networks/datacenters, and in the process, one of my posts appears to have been eaten. No worries. I was just thanking everyone for all their well-wishes, presents and other assorted things related to my birthday. It was a most enjoyable weekend, and I made out like a bandit. [big smile] I apparently missed the big-ass earthquake. I just thought the people on the floor above us were stomping around and making the building creak, I didn't realize the whole damn building was rocking back and forth. Half the office fled the building, but I stayed inside. When one of my co-workers came back and saw me sitting at my desk, she commented, "Well, I guess Keith is fearless..." So, Christmas is almost upon us, and I plan on seeing Elf and Lord of the Rings. One of my friends has invited me to a party on Christmas Day where we'll do the Jewish thing and order Chinese food and watch movies. Wheee! I'm a Jew -- but not a lonely Jew -- on Chriiiiiiistmaaaaaaas...

I stayed up past midnight and watched the date change. It's now December 21. It's now my birthday. I made it through another year. It's odd for me to look back and think how radically my life has changed... how my position in life has changed, and how I've changed over the past several years. It's interesting to think about where I thought I'd be at 27. When you're a kid, 27 just sounds... well, old. My first-grade teacher had us all write letters to ourselves while we were in first grade, then held on to them for 15 years and mailed them out to us when we graduated college. I can't remember what my letter said exactly, but I remember it said something about being married and having a kid by 23 and making some absurdly small amount of money that sounded like a huge salary to a 5-year-old. Thanks to Wendy, Francisco, Eve, Joelle and Mikey for taking me out tonight to celebrate, even if all of us (except Wendy) seemed to suffer some ill health effects from the food and drink and ended the night early. I appreciated their company more than they know, and there were many choice hysterical lines from the night that I wish I could remember. The only ones I can think of at the moment is "I stereotype because I care" and "I thought, after she said, 'What am I going to do with you?' he replied, 'Eat me. Eat me for posterity,' not keep me." Oh, and my host seems to be experiencing server issues. If you sent me e-mail at any time yesterday, there's a distinct possibility it bounced back to you and I didn't get it. I also can't seem to send e-mail right now, though I can receive at the moment.

And so I embark on my second full winter in Los Angeles, a land where it's still in the 60s even though winter is less than a week away. Without snow, freezing cold and the need to wear 16 layers underneath a heavy winter coat, my brain keeps resetting my internal calendar back to a month like September -- basically what time of year it thinks is actually occurring. And I'm okay with that... although I would like to experience about a week's worth of snow and cold, just to have the spirit of the season. I'm sure my parents are probably a little more confused, given that it's even warmer in Tucson. My mom is perpetually cold. At least she used to be before she moved to the high desert. As a result of this, winters were always hard for her because she was always freezing. And quite frankly, I can understand how miserable that is. While being hot is uncomfortable, there's that special extra displeasure and negative emotion that comes with being cold. When I was 6 or 7, Mom somehow managed to convince me that if you skip the first day of winter, winter won't happen. This was done through a combination of manipulating my faith in my parents and a slight application of Jewish guilt, the Second Most Powerful Force in the Universe. The other piece of the puzzle is that my birthday is December 21, which is usually the day on which the Winter Solstice takes place -- the first day of winter. So Mom convinced me that if we skip my birthday, there'll be no winter. This went on for about two weeks while I agonized over the decision of whether to be selfish and have my birthday or to be a good son and skip it so Mom won't be cold all winter. Then she finally told me she was just playing with my head. This type of thing will explain to those of you who know me why I turned out the way I did, I guess. But I always think of that story around this time of year, and I am thankful for years like this when the Winter Solstice is on the 22nd, not the 21st.

Difference between me and about 63% of the American population: Upon seeing a two-inch-long multilegged and multi-antennaed bug on the kitchen floor - 63% of the population: Scream "AIEEEEEEEEEE!!! OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOD!!" and go running from the room. - Me: Grab nearest available paper towel, get down on floor and go face-to-face with bug, then kill it vehemently and say, "That'll teach you to tread on my floor, bitch." Throw bug-stained paper towel in kitchen trash and then proceed to open fridge and ponder what's for dinner. And while I'm on the topic of dichotomies, will someone please explain to me what the hell all these non-Jews are doing on JDate? The site is clearly marked "the largest Jewish singles network." It's not that we don't like the Gentiles... it's that there's some of us who'd like to keep it within the faith, and we have a hard enough time out there trying to seek each other out, so this site is for us. And for the last time, it's not because we're exclusive or because we're racist or anything like that. It's because we take pride in our faith and we'd like to perpetuate it, especially since it's part of who we are, and it's a lot easier to build a relationship when there's a number of building blocks already in place in the foundation (like religion).

So, upon hearing that we'd finally caught Saddam Hussein after months and months of looking for him, I have to admit that my first response was not "Good!" My first response was, "Dammit, this just makes President Moron harder to beat in the election." I had been hoping that nothing major would occur, that the status quo would continue for a while and he would coast into the election and lose. I mean, everyone keeps talking about this economic recovery, but I don't see anyone getting hired. Consumer confidence suddenly dropped in the past week, which is not something that's supposed to happen at the height of the Christmas shopping season. And I figured that economic recovery would be the one thing that would help him revive his sagging approval numbers. Now his numbers will go up again, despite the fact that, well, he didn't really do anything. Kind of like how I feel about September 11th. He didn't really do anything -- well, except fly around the country all day, dodging terrorists who might have been trying to crash into Air Force One -- and yet his approval ratings went through the roof to around 90%. Our soldiers and intelligence services did the research and connected the dots and found Saddam, but you know who's going to take all the credit. However, it's good to see that even DC newspapers and Stars and Stripes, the newspaper of the Armed Forces, are beginning to poke holes in Moron's presidency. This whole Thanksgiving trip to Baghdad was nothing more than a publicity stunt, and according to that article, it was not only spun poorly in the way that soldiers who dined with the president were prescreened while others were turned away from Thanksgiving dinner, but Air Force One also breached British security and broke international law by filing fake flight plans, misidentifying the aircraft used and lying about which plane it was -- to the point where England is re-evaluating its air traffic control because that was a major security hole. If that had happened here, President Moron would've gotten up on his soapbox and ranted about how America will not tolerate these kinds of shenanigans from other countries, our security is top-notch, blah blah blah. But it seems it's all right to stick it to others. Do as I say, not as I do, eh, Georgie?

Confusion, hurt, anger and sadness again reigns in the Dept. of Female Interaction. I can't take much more of this on-again-off-again situation because I really have become attached... more than I'll admit to her, even though she may see it and try to make me admit it. "Until I Fall Away" - The Gin Blossoms I want to tell if I am or am not myself It's hard to know How far or if at all could go I've waited far too long For something I forgot was wrong I don't know all the answers I think that I'll find Or have it within the time But it's all that I'll have in mind Until I fall away I won't keep you waiting long Until I fall away I don't know what to do anymore Until I fall away My fear pretend that I'll never be in love again It's real to me but not like these fools And not like this scene I won't find or have it within the time If it's all rusted and fade In the spot where we fell Where I thought I'd left behind It's loose now but we could try Until I fall away I won't keep you waiting long Until I fall away I don't know what to do anymore Until I fall away When there’s no good answers And no new questions Another personal disaster There's nowhere to go but down...

Kutcher Pulls Plug on MTV Series Punk'd. Thank. God.

Dude, dude, dude! After 9pm PT, check out the Spider-Man 2 trailer! I'm a huge fan of Sam Raimi (who's directing), and Bruce Campbell's gonna be in it too!