Status Check: Date: December 13. Season: Damn near close to winter. Exterior temperature measured 26 minutes ago in Santa Monica, CA: 61 degrees. Summary of content of recent e-mail from friend in Boston: We just got two feet of snow and it's freezing cold here, you ratfucker. What I want to do most: Curl up in bed with some hot chocolate spiked with Bailey's Irish Cream, listen to songs that remind me of Christmas in the Northeast (I still don't know why, but Interpol's "NYC" is at the top of that list right now) and watch snow fall. Why I can't do that: Haven't you been reading? It's 61 degrees outside! Snow never falls at 61 degrees! Well... is it genetically mutated snow? And now you understand why not only I'm terribly confused as to what time of year it is, but also why I feel a little out of place and a little lonely.

I'm almost ashamed in some ways to admit that I've never lived alone. Yes, I have my own bedroom and have not shared a bedroom with a roommate since my freshman year of college, but I've never lived in my own apartment. It's not because I couldn't handle it on my own -- please, you honestly think he of the cleaning frenzies, he who is so organized that he's still perturbed that his Quicken finance program is 2 cents off from what his Mastercard balance says, he who has never bounced a check in his life and has barely ever paid bills late would be unable to handle living on his own? A good chunk of the reason is economics. For me to live in a neighborhood like I'm living and have the things I have in my apartment that I like having (DirecTV with every single damn channel known to man, DSL, etc.), it would be too much for me to afford on my own. Hell, even rent would be a little steep. Also, it's sometimes nice to have someone else around, y'know? Other people in the apartment is a good thing to have, you can socialize every now and then and it's kind of like a built-in social outlet. Admittedly, I was a lot more social with my roommates when I first moved in and one of them was not dating anyone, but we still go out every now and then. But for some reason, lately I've been thinking about my own place. Just a place that's mine, y'know? A place where I can home and not worry about the roommates being there if I just want to crash with my bedroom door open or whether one of them's asleep so I won't be able to reset the DSL modem when it drops the connection or whether someone was watching TV so the TiVo didn't tape my program that I wanted to see or whether I wanted to watch TV in the living room and eat alone but someone else is there and all sprawled out on the couch watching something else. For now, I'm happy to be living here, and I'm happy that I get along with my roommates -- believe me, I've had some Roommates From Hell -- and so I'll continue to live here contentedly until they decide they want to move in with their girlfriends and we all go our separate ways. But I'm still saving up for that apartment that's mine, all mine.

In the spirit of the season, I am jumping on the bandwagon of encouraging your fellow man to reach his goals and realize his potential. If you can't revel in yourself at this particular time of year, when can you? Amidst all this goodwill, I hope we all can find the niceness within ourselves to realize that we all have issues to get beyond and a potential to meet. It is in that vein that I present this to you... the image of a man who truly had the courage to reach beyond where he was, kicked his problems to the curb and became the man he is today.

So, I'm thinking heads may be rolling at the Los Angeles Times layout department from what appeared on the front page yesterday. Though it's no one's fault, really -- do they really take the fold of the newspaper into account when doing page layout? As it appeared on the front page yesterday, the headline read, "Governor Drops Plan for Groping"... and then you turned it over and saw it ended with "Inquiry." Well, it was funny when I saw it.

So I heard yesterday that media darling Ryan Seacrest is going to be taking over for Casey Kasem on American Top 40. My first thought was not, Dear lord, he's conquering our civilization by appearing on every single staple TV and radio show known to man. My first thought was, I wonder how long his hairdressers take to make his hair look that carefully tousled and undone, when all it takes for me is a few hours' sleep.

Oh, travesty of the system! Oh, bane of my existence! Woe is me for my federally mandated time-suckage! I've been selected for jury duty. What, and they think I can be fair and impartial?

I made it. Working on 3 hours' sleep, I spent 9 hours in the air and another 6 hours in the car, but I'm home. The number of people who pissed me off yesterday is too many to list here, but the drivers especially got to me. And with that, I have another public service announcement to make. Hey assclowns of the Southwest: Learn how to drive! First of all, the left lane -- especially on a two-lane freeway -- is not your own little personal cruising area. If you're not passing anyone or are pacing the car in the right lane so no one can pass you or if cars are piling up behind you or cars are going around you to pass you on the right, it's time to get over into the right lane. Second of all, if you're going to get into the left lane, make sure you're going fast enough and there's no one coming down the left lane so someone doesn't have to slam on their brakes to avoid crashing into you as you ever so cluelessly just glide unannounced over the lane markers. There's more where that came from, but it mostly involves rude flight attendants and old people.

The title of this entry is for Mikey. Bonus points for whoever (but not him) can guess where it's from. Tomorrow -- so early tomorrow that there aren't enough curse words to express how early -- I'll wake up and begin making my way all the way back across the country to Los Angeles. Suffice it to say that I'll be getting on the plane at 3:45am Pacific Time (not waking up, getting on the plane, so I'll be up a few hours before that) and I don't expect to get back home until close to 6pm PT that night. But it'll all be worth it. While the time away was nice, I truly miss my life. I miss my friends, I miss my apartment, I miss my car (especially considering that Frankenstein of a car I've been driving -- did you see that thing with the dashboard in the middle??), I miss the familiarity that L.A. has to offer me after living there for two years, I miss the regularity of life as it is. I'm coming home. And after so much time, I finally feel like I might actually be able to say that word -- "home" -- and have it mean something to me when I apply it to Los Angeles. Baby, I'm coming home. This one's for you. "Tiny Dancer" - Elton John Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band Pretty-eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand Jesus freaks out in the street Handing tickets out for God Turning back, she just laughs The boulevard is not that bad Piano man, he makes his stand In the auditorium Looking on, she sings the songs The words she knows, the tune she hums But oh how it feels so real Lying here with no one near Only you, and you can't hear me When I say softly, slowly Hold me closer, tiny dancer Count the headlights on the highway Lay me down in sheets of linen You had a busy day today Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band Pretty-eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand...

What a surreal day. First, an 80-year-old woman on a motorized cart mowed me down, then I ran into someone here at Disney World who I haven't seen in 6 years. Let's go in order, shall we? The day was great -- Magic Kingdom day, replete with the light parade on Main Street and fireworks and many rides. We were waiting on line for this one thing called Mickey's PhilharMagic (a cute 3D movie involving Disney characters, animation, lots of music and clips from various Disney films -- I liked it a lot) when this old woman on a motorized cart who came in behind us ran me down. Literally. She obviously wasn't in control of the thing at all because she had been smashing into walls and poles and railings all the way down the line, then she smashed into me. I was mostly all right, but it hurt like a bitch. Then I was walking through Tomorrowland when I heard, "Keith? Is that you??" Seems that the person who lived across the hall from me during my freshman year of college was there -- what are the chances that we'd both be there at the same time and in the same place and that she'd recognize me? In fact, this is two times in a row that I've run into people I knew from college at Disney World. It seems that I really didn't need to go to my college reunion this past June, I just needed to go to Disney World. Anyways, I know what you're here for... the gratuitous nudity! Well, sorry, none of that here. At least not tonight. Tonight's pictures involve Disney mayhem. This first shot is of me as I was walking into the Magic Kingdom -- they have at least 50 Mickey statues, and they're all painted in different fashions. Imagine my surprise to see the only Mickey dressed up in gear from a sports team being dressed in a Red Sox uniform. Suffice it to say, I had to pose with it. For lunch, one of the places in Frontierland was selling these big-ass smoked turkey legs. Imagine my delight in devouring this thing. Look at the size of it! Here's Cinderella's castle as they're getting ready to do the light parade. I hear you can actually hold weddings inside it. Here's Mickey on one of the floats during the light parade. Wheeee!

So here I am, sitting poolside at Disney's Yacht & Beach Club... checking e-mail & blogging. Because I'm addicted to the Internet, okay? I admit it. I went four whole days traveling and running around Disney World without computer access, and it got to the point where I actually had to haul my laptop over to another hotel because mine didn't have high-speed 'Net access, the Luddite bastards. So I went over to Y&B, which has WiFi of all things. I'm sure I look more than just a wee bit odd, being that I am the only person in the pool area, it's after 11pm Eastern, and I'm sitting here with my computer and dressed for something most definitely other than pool activities. Ahem. By the way, welcome to all of you coming from Flavorpill LA, who apparently has picked me of all people -- a non-native L.A. resident -- to represent the Los Angeles blogging world. They've described me as "meta-fun." And welcome also to those of you coming from L.A. Blogs, who referenced the Flavorpill link. Those of you who know me in person may now pick yourselves off the floor from laughing so hard upon reading the fact that I'm "meta-fun." You know I am, you bastards. So, down to brass tacks. Let's talk about this vacation I'm supposedly on, no? Okay, first thing's first -- Alamo gave us a Saturn Ion. This car, while it handles pretty well and the ride is smooth... well, there's no other way to say it. It's a freakish car. The dashboard readout is in the middle of the car. I mean, it's not in front of the driver, it's between the driver and the passenger. Which is disconcerting for those of us who drive, say, EVERY OTHER CAR AVAILABLE IN AMERICA? This also causes problems for those who have side-seat drivers in the car and like to keep tabs on what the driver's doing from the passenger seat. Of course, I had to get this picture taken while I was at Universal Studios on Sunday. Back to the Future is only my second-all-time favorite film (it was the first until The Matrix supplanted it), so here's me with the DeLorean from the movie. Mmmmm... DeLooooooorean... [insert Homer Simpson drooling noise here] A lot's changed at Disney since I was here last. We went to the Animal Kingdom yesterday, and I have to say that aside from seeing some animals that aren't in the savannah area around the Animal Kingdom Lodge, staying at the Lodge itself was a more interesting experience than going into Animal Kingdom. There were giraffes and zebras and gazelles and wildebeests and giant freakin' cattle with horns that literally weighed 50 pounds on each side standing right outside my room's terrace! Lest you don't believe me, I have pictures. The first three were taken from the terrace, the last was taken from an overlook area extending out from the hotel's lobby. We pretty much blew through most of EPCOT today -- Test Track and Mission: Space were really cool. Unfortunately, I didn't take too many pictures, and they're still on the camera. Tomorrow is Magic Kingdom and Thursday is Disney-MGM. I hope to get online at least once more before I leave here, but if not, you'll just have to wait until I get home on Saturday. And remember, folks -- the Internet may be addictive, but it's less harmful than crack. Because crack is wack, yo. Whitney Houston told me that.