Wireless Internet is a lovely thing. I'm sitting here in the terminal at Long Beach Airport, IMing and blogging away. I had to share this bumper sticker that I saw today. It said, "The last time someone listened to a Bush, they spent 40 years wandering the desert."

In less than 24 hours, I'll be winging my way across the country, back to a city I called home for more than a quarter of my life. Going to see friends I haven't seen in years. Taking a whirlwind tour of a place I haven't seen and a life I haven't lived in over two years. And it makes me wonder how easily I'll be able to fall back into old habits and how familiar the places will be. Has living in Los Angeles for two years gotten into my system to the point where I'll no longer easily fit into the Boston ecosystem? I have to find out. Even if it is only a whirlwind 25-hour trip. Satchel - Mr. Pink (Right-click and save as, please.) Chelsea, dear, it's a long way to Boston but I wanna go...

I never knew the inherent value of MTBlacklist until I logged into MT today to delete a spam comment, checked my Activity Log and found that I had been hit 57 times by spammers yesterday. Not a single spam comment made it through. I love you, MTBlacklist. If you were a woman, you'd be Captain Liberty from The Tick -- a hot sexy woman who doesn't take any guff from anyone and who hasn't yet found me so I can lavish her with affection and back massages.

I recently went on a blind date with someone who I met through an Internet dating site. She said that in a lot of cases, she sees pictures of guys online with strange picture croppings -- or sometimes pictures not cropped at all, so you can see them with their exes or caught in a suggestive pose with someone of the opposite sex, which makes her think twice about responding to their messages. But she knew that I was all right when she saw my picture and realized who it was who I had cropped out. Can you tell who it is?

So, the ex called tonight. And over the course of several deteriorating conversations, she came to the conclusion that she hates me and is going to trash something she has of mine that has significant personal value to me. I'm suppressing urges to wreak havoc upon her life, since I have to take the high road on this one... even if she is mental. Who needs a stiff drink? (Answer: I do, I do!) In other news, imagine my shock to see an old friend from my college singing group show up as an extra in tonight's episode of The Sopranos. He had lines and everything!

It might be said that I'm mildly impulsive. Or crazy. Or fanatical. But I just made reservations to fly to Boston next weekend -- my college singing group is having its 10-year anniversary concert next Saturday night, so I'm taking the red-eye out Friday night and coming back early enough on Sunday morning to make rehearsal for my singing group here in L.A. The lengths I will go to for a bunch of men.

Confucious say, "Man who stand on toilet... high on pot." Thanks, and try the veal. I'll be here all week.

Okay, so I'm anal. Fine. I accept that. Which makes it all the more aggravating to me when people mess with my stuff, especially when they really shouldn't be. Like today, for example, when I took my car in for a wash, and when I got her back, I found the tripmeter had been reset to zero. I know you're going to say that maybe the guy drying the car was cleaning my inside dashboard cover and accidentally hit the reset button, but he didn't. And there was about a tenth of a mile on the tripmeter, which means it was reset before it went into the wash and not after it came out and was driven 15 feet to the area where he dried it. Why do people gotta mess with my stuff, man? I know it sounds like a little thing, but it's actually kind of a big thing with me. You see, I hit the tripmeter and reset it back to zero when I took possession of the car -- the day I left Connecticut for the last time on my way to Los Angeles to move there. And it's been kind of a sentimental thing that ever since then, I could always tell you how miles I've put on the car while she's been mine and not just one of the family cars. And this schmuck thinks he has the right to be all special and reset my tripmeter because I need to know how many miles it's been since I last got a car wash? Quite frankly, I couldn't care less. The sentimental value of my distance on my car, previously at around 22,000 and change, has now plummeted dramatically to 017.3. In other news, I've always wondered how they measure how far above sea level cities and towns are when they're way inland. I mean, how do you measure it when you're in North Dakota? Is there a special bureau of the government that tells each town how far above sea level they are, so they can go put it on signs on the side of the highway and at the town limits?

Okay, so everyone knows that I'm way into music. And it's pretty widely accepted that Jennifer Garner is hot, and for most people, Alias is a pretty cool show. But man, in that last five minutes of Sunday's episode, when the Deftones' "Change (In the House of Flies)" exploded through my sound system's speakers? I almost orgasmed right there on the couch. Wow. What a great song to throw in there, and the timing and cinematography was perfect with Sloane's death scene and Sydney kicking ass to retrieve the Rambaldi item. Again. Wow.

So, I had another first "real" L.A. experience today. When I first moved here, one of my friends (and a former co-worker) told me that I needed to watch out for myself and who I associated with. She warned me that people might want to latch on to me because they want to know what I can do for them rather than actually wanting to be friends with me. So far, I've been lucky -- I've met a lot of really great people who I know are friends with me because they like me for who I am. But this morning, someone who I briefly knew and met only once and who I haven't spoken to in probably around six months... well, she hit me up for tickets to a sold-out concert to see what I could do for her. No real attempt to converse, no real personal overtures -- just "I wanted those tickets and thought of you," basically. I think I was more blown away by her brashness, though I should've been more insulted by the fact that she just blatantly hit me up especially after all this time.

An interesting weekend... two dates, about 10 pounds of meat-based products while in the company of Wendy & Fran courtesy of Fran's "the Master of Barbeque" dad, a viewing of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and now I'm contemplating more travel in the month of May than I've done in the past couple of years. I'm already going to New York for a week in the middle of the month, one of my close friends who lives in Spokane wants me to come up to her place for Memorial Day weekend, and my old college a cappella group is having their 10-year reunion concert in Boston and they've invited all the alumni to come. I was discussing dating with some friends today, and the females among the group were amazed to find that us guys were shy to the point where we tend not to make the first move. Is this a general tendency for guys, or are we just the aberration?

To some extent, The History Channel is a dangerous thing to me. The more I watch, the more I find out about things that I just kind of assumed worked through some sort of magic that was beyond my personal understanding -- in recent days, the joke between me and a co-worker is that anything that we don't understand, Jesus makes it happen. And the more I see of The History Channel, the more they talk about how things could potentially go wrong in a delicately balanced instrument (the national power grid, for example, which Modern Marvels is currently educating me about). While it won't keep specifically keep me up at night, it won't help the little insomniac inside me get to sleep either. But goddammit, this stuff is fascinating.

Sign No. 1,347 that we're headed for the apocalypse: Jessica Simpson among top-rated TV shows over the weekend. Are we as a nation tired of her & her husband yet? Thankfully, there's something to celebrate, and that's Planned Parenthood's March for Women's Rights, taking place on April 25. Check out their Right-Wing Eye, it's pretty funny. And I'm not one for posting forwards, but this one struck me as particularly applicable given the fact that I'm trying to lose some weight... Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop. Q: Is beer or wine bad for me? A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables. Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain ... Good. Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: You're not listening! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: What's the secret to healthy eating? A: Thicker gravy. Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO -- Cocoa beans ... another vegetable! "It's the best feel-good food around!" Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a cookie.... flour is a veggie! One more thing... "When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt."

It almost seems like I'm waiting for an apology I'll never get. It almost seems like I'm waiting for a self-realization she'll never have. And so she still torments me in the place where I have no control -- my dreams. After only 7 months, I'm left holding the luggage that I told myself years ago I'd never want to carry again. Some tunes for y'all to enjoy. This stuff is among my most-frequently-played at the moment. Right-click-and-save, please, but do enjoy it. Beyoncaville - Crazy in Japan Courtesy of the most excellent PartyBen, keeper of San Francisco's Live 105's Sixx Mixx weekly remix show. That's Beyoncé's "Crazy in Love" mashed with Alphaville's "Big in Japan." Mmmm... delectable. Los Lonely Boys - Heaven Man, these guys are funky. I heard from a guy at their record label that when they performed on Jimmy Kimmel's show, he asked them to play a second song -- the first time he'd ever done that. Dropkick Murphys - Time to Go Thoughts of Boston also pervade my thoughts as I wonder about my friends back there and the life I left behind more than two years ago. Here's to you, our Bruin boys in black & gold -- good luck. Drop the puck, it's time to go!

'Scuse me while I get a little political for a moment and talk about current events... 1. Best line I've heard recently: "Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool." 2. So now California is debating a bill that will restrict video games sales to minors. I'm sorry... I need a moment. Thanks. What the hell is going on here? Why are my tax dollars being spent to pay these lunatics in the state senate? Hel-lo, I thought there were already ratings on these games? And wasn't the point of having those ratings in the first place to restrict the sale of violent video games to minors? Christ on a monorail, I thought we'd been through this already with the music and the movies. CDs have those "explicit lyrics" labels on the front. Movies have that whole MPAA rating system that is supposed to make people card you at the box office if you look like you shouldn't be buying tickets to that R-rated film. And wasn't this whole rating systems for games modeled after the MPAA system? Riiiiiiiight. So instead of going after the video-game makers, why not go after the store clerks who are selling the kids these games against the rating system? Or, even more intelligently, why not have the parents be parents to their kids? This basically all comes down to parenting. I can't say enough times that my parents took me to see Die Hard when I was 10 years old. I saw an extremely violent film when I was a child. And yet I turned out just fine. My parents raised me right, despite outside influences from movies and video games and song lyrics. So how come all the other parents out there are passing the buck and asking the government to parent their kids for them? 3. Courtney Love is a suitable parent for her kid? Yeah. Right. And I'm a purple-spotted gay orangutan that speaks six languages flawlessly. (For the record, I'm none of those.) We're talking about a woman who went into a radio station and spent six hours showing off her track marks and talking about complete nothingness and seguing from topic to topic every three seconds because she couldn't focus on the subject at hand (possibly because due to something those track marks caused?). Watch Kurt & Courtney -- the woman is scary.