One of my oldest and closest friends and I went out tonight to hit up four bars we'd never gone to before. We were trying to explore new places and try them out to see if we'd like to go back. The first place we went to completely kicked ass, from the fact that the drinks were cheap and the clientele was mostly very nice to the tabletop arcade video games they had set up all over the place and the jukebox that had such gems as Fugazi, X, Luscious Jackson and The Pixies. I think I may have found a new favorite hang. The night, however, also reinforced for both my friend and I that I am who I am, and not even the surroundings can change it. I offer for evidence this conversation, which took place at the third bar we hit: Me: I need to hit the men's room. Friend: Okay. Me: I'll be right back. In the meantime, please enjoy the soothing sounds of A Tribe Called Quest. [Note: "Can I Kick It" was playing pretty loudly.] Friend: Oh my God, you are such a DJ. Go already.

Too tired to do anything. Too awake to sleep. Although I was woken up this morning at 9am by the people who came by to loudly do some landscaping and cleaning outside my apartment, but I was able to fall back asleep after that. And then there was a smoke detector that went off at 11am -- no smoke in the apartment, it was that "I need my batteries changed, it's been a year" three-beep warning. Unfortunately, the adrenaline that flooded my system as I rocketed upright in bed when it went off made sure there was no way I was going back to sleep. It's a beautiful day outside with sunshine and flowers and puppy dogs and ice cream, and I'd love to partake of it... but something tells me I wouldn't be too pleasant and that I'd probably demand a nap within an hour of having left the apartment. So I'll sit here in my sleep clothes and maybe catch up on TiVo, and a nap may come after all.

It appears I've got a friend in the U.S. Naval Academy... someone who hit this site like 10 times today. I seeeeeeeee yoooooooooou...

Two things this morning signified that it was not going to be the best of days. The first was when my alarm went off, and every time I hit the snooze button, I fell back asleep and actually had dreams. You know you're tired and shouldn't be waking up when you can fall asleep and dream in the space of 7 minutes. The second was an hour after I woke up when I realized that it was, in fact, not Friday, as I had been operating under the assumption that it was for the past hour. That's almost enough to crack a man's spirit. But all is not lost. Tomorrow really is Friday. Though I have to admit that my world was disturbed just a little bit when I heard Katie Couric utter the word "man-ho" when referring to popular slang terms for "promiscuous men." I couldn't quite decide what song to put up to help y'all get through Friday, so here's three. Right-click and save as, or I will destroy you! Lenlow - "To the Taxmobile!" (The Beatles vs. The Surfaris vs. Batman vs. Interpol) Wyclef Jean - "We Trying to Stay Alive" Linkin Park - "Nobody's Listening"

Since I'm my own favorite subject to talk about (and mostly because I feel like writing something even though my creativity's pretty tapped out for the night), here's 10 mildly interesting things about me: 1. I have a round scar on the back of each of my hands. I have no idea how they got there, but I've had them for years. However, the scars on my left hand and arm from the time I locked myself out of my apartment and had to break back in are still there. 2. I've been skydiving. 3. Immediately following a midterm exam in college, I did seven shots of tequila in under half an hour, then managed to cover it well enough to convince several friends I was sober. 4. When I was a baby, I used to eat paper. My parents would have to label the cans with a permanent marker as soon as they got them home; otherwise, I'd eat the label and they'd have mystery can. I once ate the rent check. 5. Last year, I flew from L.A. to Boston and back for a trip that had me back in Los Angeles 26 hours after I left. And it wasn't even for business. 6. One night at a bar, the co-workers I was with told me they didn't believe me that underneath the mostly-preppy-guy exterior, I'm a rocker. So I got up with the bar band and sang lead on a balls-to-the-wall rock song. They believed me then. 7. My family's burial plot is next to where Julius and Ethel Rosenberg are buried. 8. I have a degree in Psychology. I'm doing absolutely nothing with it. 9. One of my prized possessions is the movie poster for The Matrix I have in my bedroom -- it's a limited-edition signed by the Wachowski brothers. I looooooooove The Matrix, it's my all-time favorite movie. The first time I saw it, I had to go clubbing afterwards to burn off all the excess mental energy I had from seeing the movie. 10. When I first moved to Los Angeles, people thought I was a native because I'd been overstressing my "r"s ever since I'd moved to Boston in an effort to keep from picking up the Boston accent. But the Brooklyn accent is genetically installed in me -- whenever I get drunk, tired, angry or stressed, it comes out.

Strangely enough, tonight's episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force reminded me of the birthday present I gave my mom on her 50th birthday. My mom is into "thought-not-bought" presents, meaning she prefers gifts that require some thought and work rather than just going out and buying something from a store. So for her 50th, I knew I had to do something special. When I was a kid, my mom used to read me this book called Puddleduck. She gave it away when I grew up, but she said for years afterwards that she regretted getting rid of it. Unfortunately, the book was out of print for so long that it was literally impossible to find. Thankfully, one of my close friends was doing an internship for her Congressman at the time of her 50th birthday, so I called my friend up and asked her to find the book in the Library of Congress -- because they have everything! -- since she had Library of Congress access clearance and photocopy it for me. She sent me the copy, I had it bound, and the moment I gave it to her was one of the few times I ever saw my mom cry. Ahem. Okay, I'm going to go do something manly now... I think my car needs an oil change. Fetch me my socket set! (For those of you who are wondering, yes, I really can change my car's oil.)

So when Sledge said "whomever reads this is welcome to do it," what he really meant was, "I'm going to IM Keith and tell him to do it too!" 1. Random 10 consecutive tracks from iTunes: - "Why Don't We Get Drunk & Screw," Jimmy Buffett - "Greyhound," Jon Spencer Blues Explosion - "Last Train to Transcentral," The KLF - "Aqua Teen Hunger Force Theme," Schooly D - "So Cold," Breaking Benjamin - "Sister," The Nixons - "Heads Carolina, Tails California," Jo Dee Messina - "Tarzan Boy," Baltimora - "Get It Faster," Jimmy Eat World 2. What is the total amount of music files on your computer? 4423 mp3s, 22.09 gigs. iTunes says if I played them all back-to-back, I'd have music running for 14 days, 19 hours, 28 minutes and 52 seconds straight. 3. The last CD you bought is: It's been a long while since I bought a CD... I think the last one I bought was Lewis Black's Rules of Enragement. 4. What is the song you last listened to before this meme? "Eleanor" by Low Millions. 5. Write down five songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you. - Grand Theft Audio - "As Good As It Gets" - Dexter Freebish - "Leaving Town" - Ash - "Goldfinger" - Deftones - "Minerva" - The Used - "The Taste of Ink" 6. Who are you gonna pass this shtick to? As Sledge said, anyone who passes by and wants to partake.

I thought I’d posted this story already, but a search through my archives proves otherwise.  So since Hilary‘s tale of her Date From Hell sparked my memory of one of mine, I thought I’d post this now-I-can-look-back-and-laugh-at-this story.

I brought a date to a restaurant/pub near my apartment—it was a place I visited fairly often since it was within walking distance of my apartment, and I liked it.  Plus, the food was good.  Either way, the date was going well.  Conversation was progressing well, and she was cute.  So about two-thirds of the way through the meal, conversation turned to our parents… and the Date asked me what my parents did.  And I replied: “My dad is a doctor, and my mom works for Planned Parenthood.”

Date stands up.  Date says, “Your mom does what?” Date proceeds to berate me in a full-voice rant about how my mom is a babykiller, and how could I associate myself with such a horrible person?  Meanwhile, she’s talking so loudly and is still on her feet, so she’s attracted the attention of everyone in the place, who is now watching me and Date with rapt interest.  Or fear.  I wasn’t quite sure which.  And me?  I’m frozen in my chair like a deer in headlights.  I have no idea what to do.  I don’t want to get up and walk out because I like the place and I don’t want to stiff them with the bill.

After three or four minutes, Date eventually ends her tirade and sits back down to dinner.  I change the topic to something innocuous like “So, seen any good movies lately?” and end dinner shortly thereafter. 

Yeeeeeah.  I wasn’t too happy about that whole scenario.

Anyways, check this tune out.  It makes the homies say ho and the girlies wanna scream.  Right-click and save as, or I’ll make you wanna scream.  Shimmy shimmy cocoa what, indeed.

DJ Mei-Lwun - “Sweet Home Country Grammar” (Nelly vs. Lynyrd Skynyrd)

So I hooked up with a musician over the weekend. She's the lead singer of a local rock band. I swear, my life reflects High Fidelity more and more every day. Yes, I too have always wanted to live with a musician who'd ask me what I thought of her stuff while she was writing it and include my name or a private joke in the liner notes. Not that I'm expecting this hookup to turn into anything at all -- I know that absolutely nothing will come of it. However, the other aspect of High Fidelity that I subscribe to is the "punching your weight" theory of going after people of the opposite sex who are in your class looks-wise and standards-wise. Especially in this land where image is king, it's difficult when there are absolutely drop-dead gorgeous women walking around everywhere, and Survival of the Hottest™ is the way of life here. Gorgeous women go for gorgeous men, and while I'm not Jim Varney-bad, I also know I'm not Pierce Brosnan-good (or Pierce Brosnan-rich, not that I'd want someone to want me for money). Everyone says, "Well, if you act the role, you can score the hot chicks/guys," but it doesn't always work out that way -- and deep down inside, you kind of know it too. Have you ever dated or hooked up with someone (who was sober) where you said to yourself, "She's/He's out of my league... what do they see in me?" no matter how long you dated or how often or how much they told you that they liked you? It's a delicate dance of attraction, self-image and taste, and the three don't always agree with each other. However, a hookup like that is always good for an ego boost to remind yourself every once in a while that yes, you are kind of desirable to the opposite sex. Or the same sex, not that there's anything wrong with that.

From Sports Night, the greatest TV show ever to grace the airwaves: Dan Rydell: You know, sometimes it's worth it... taking all the pies in the face. Sometimes, you come through it feeling good. Casey McCall: Yes. Dan Rydell: And how was your day? Casey McCall: Sometimes, you just stand there... hip-deep in pie.

Thanks to all these years of being a Red Sox and a Patriots fan, I've learned two things: 1. The meaning of the word "masochism." 2. Never call a game "over" until the clock hits zero.

It's been a freakin' long day and I'm exhausted, but let's just say that I'm back late because I was hanging at an exclusive fundraiser at the House of Blues tonight with David Draiman (a nice Jewish boy who turned into the lead singer of Disturbed, a hard rockin' band) and Nicko McBrain (the drummer from Iron Maiden). I had to resist the urge to tell Nicko that I was first exposed to his band at summer camp when one of my counselors used to wake us up every morning for a month by blasting "The Number of the Beast" -- the same counselor who is now a hardcore rabbi. Interesting how things turn out, eh? Right now, I'm off to count some sheep. Won't you count with me, while you right-click and save as? DJ Shadow - "The Number Song" (Cut Chemist Party Mix)

No. No no no. A thousand times no. Trump, Burnett Weigh 'Apprentice' Musical

I had this whole post ready to go... it was long, it was involved, and it was all about me. The best kind of post! And then, of course, it was eaten. So instead, here are five movies that almost no one's seen that need to be seen by more people: 1. Angus - a great movie with Kathy Bates, George C. Scott and yes... even James Van Der Beek. It's funny, it's smart, it's heart-warming and touching, and it's something the majority of America has been through. And oh yeah, the soundtrack kicks ass. 2. Midnight Run - Robert DeNiro and Charles Grodin. Honestly, I didn't appreciate the comedic genius of Charles Grodin until I saw this movie. It's a good, funny buddy-travel movie. 3. Super Troopers - dumb as sheeeeot, but funny as hell. The kind of film that you think you should watch while you're high, but you want to be able to remember everything that happens in it because it's so funny. But don't watch the other film they did, Broken Lizard's Club Dread. That was just plain bad. 4. The Replacements - it's not a matter of Keanu Reeves having no talent, it's just a matter of Keanu Reeves finding the roles that he can do well in, and this is one of them. And as far as football movies go, it's a fun little romp that doesn't follow the usual formulaic drama -- it's a comedy, dammit! 5. Empire Records - "What's with today today?" Again, killer soundtrack. Renée Zellweger before she was famous, dressed only in an apron. Rory Cochrane of Dazed and Confused fame, only this time, he's a wiseass sage. Fun adventures ensue over the course of a single day in a music store. Damn the man, save the Empire! Go forth and rent.

Being served up on freeways today: "Testosteroni, the Southwest highway treat." I can't even begin to tell you how many people were out there on the roads today who sat in the left lane and wouldn't let anyone around them... and most of these jackasses were in jacked-up pickups or SUVs. It even went so far where some of these morons tried to switch lanes to cut me and other people off in order to stay ahead of people. But you can't hold a good New Yorker down. I can't even begin to tell what kind of humiliation their egos suffered when I blasted past them in my little non-sports car Honda. Rule No. 1: If I want to go faster than you, get the hell out of my way! Well, this edition of the Jewish Migration is over. According to the Bible, the Jews spent 40 years in the desert; thankfully, my exodus only lasted three days. However, I'm not quite sure what's more embarrassing: Having your parents give you a Consumer Reports magazine turned to the page where they rated condoms, or telling them that you don't need it because of your painfully single status.