Dear [insert name here], Happy Valentine's Day, [nickname of choice]. It's been [duration of time since first date/wedding day/emergency appendectomy that caused us to meet], and it's still so wonderful to wake up every morning and know that I'm [married/dating/engaged to/sleeping with on the side] the greatest [gender of choice] in the world. I couldn't be happier. You're the best, and I wonder every day what I did to deserve you. I may never find out. I hope you enjoy the [box of chocolates/roses/Vermont Teddy Bear/pregnancy test]... it's only a small token of the love I feel for you. Cordially, with love, [insert name here] P.S. I even found a way to include our song in this card. Right-click and save as, and you can listen to it over and over and think of me every time, just as I think of you every time I hear it. Ben Folds Five - "Song for the Dumped"

I was coordinated enough to have complete control over myself last night, to move around and actually talk to people, to use chopsticks at dinner and then walk to the bar (where I only had two small drinks over the course of an hour and a half!), to drive myself home and start the entire getting-ready-for-bed process. Then everything came unglued, and I accidentally punched myself in the nose while trying to take my shirt off. So it's with a little caution that I head out this morning to GM's AutoShow in Motion, where I'll be able to test drive literally around 150 cars -- including a Hummer, an Escalade and a Corvette. The way things are looking today, I may accidentally drive the Hummer right off the obstacle course and into a tree.

Okay, folks, here's the deal. Please READ THIS before going any further! I can't seem to figure out why I can't automatically have comments posted. For some reason, MTv3.15 is not allowing me to automatically approve comments -- I have to go in and manually approve each one before they are posted. As such, you will not see your comment immediately, so please do not keep attempting to post until they show up... because they won't. And since I can't access my site from work, I will not be able to approve any comments made during the workday until I get home. So if there's anyone out there who's an MT whiz and wants to poke around in my site and see what they can do to try and fix this, please drop me a line and I'll greatly appreciate any help I can get. Otherwise, please bear with the management, who is, quite possibly, as dumb as he looks. In the words of Bartles & Jaymes, "Thanks fer yer support."

Okay, I may be a map dork, but this kicks ass.

Is it just me, or does having some doctor offer a delicate procedure that could have life-altering implications -- like, say, LASIK -- at a discount or on sale not instill you with a whole lot of confidence?

It's Thursday. The end of the week is in sight. But quite frankly, how hard is it to not get into that weekend mood when all that's running through your head is "hit me with the horndog!" Right-click, save as and check it, yo. Overseer - "Horndog"

"It's not you... it's me." Of course it's you... do you honestly think I believe there's something wrong with me in this relationship? "I just need some time... some space." Mostly because you won't give me any of my own, so I have to fight for it. When I had an old friend from out of town staying with me for a couple of days, I got into a fight with you because you kept calling me and didn't let me spend any time away from you and then got mad at me when I flat out said I wanted to talk to my friend who I hadn't seen in three years, even though I'd spent time with you the previous night. "I'm not sure where I see this going anymore." That's because you're a compulsive liar, and I can never tell when you're telling the truth. And the worst part is that you make up your own truth, and then believe it. Or is that the pounds of pot you smoke clouding your reality? And is that the reason why your mood can go south on a dime? "I don't think I can give enough of myself to this relationship." That's because I give so much of myself already, and it's never enough for you because you demand so much. But the trouble is that I hardly ever see you putting effort into things. And when I called you on it, you started putting such emphasis on things that it was like a caricature and seemed completely fake. And since you always have to be the center of attention, even when you don't deserve to be, it's so difficult for you to ever relinquish the spotlight and pay attention to someone else... which leads me to the paranoia. Or is that the pot talking again? "I'm just not ready for this kind of thing." I never went beyond a B.A. in Psychology, so since I don't have a Ph.D., I can't be a professional therapist. Which is what you need... I just can't spend this much time trying to take care of you and undo the programming you've written for yourself over the past several years. I want to date an adult who's capable of standing on her own two feet, not one who makes excuses every five seconds to cover her tracks but still believes herself infallible; I want to date someone who's emotionally mature enough to be in the kind of relationship that this is -- or could be. You're right, I may look back on this and think fondly and miss things. But something tells me that you're just a warped person, and I won't miss this much at all. "I'm sure you'll get over me quickly and have no problem finding someone else." Yeah, someone else to drive insane and lean on, like you did with me. I can only hope that sometime, whether it's in a few weeks, months or years even, that you look back and realize how great I was to you and how you threw it away. I get the feeling you won't, though.

Okay, I have two questions for all you tech people out there. 1. I'm seriously considering this Firefox thing. However, when I initially installed the program many moons ago (and promptly decided I was sticking with Safari), I didn't import any of my bookmarks. Unfortunately, that now doesn't seem possible. Is there any way to import bookmarks after the initial setup? 2. MTv3.15: Do I have to approve every single comment that people leave? Is there any way of just approving all and coming back later to delete the spam ones? Please leave your answers in the comments... which I will approve for everyone else to view.

Special thanks to Jennifer, who's been working behind the scenes to make sure my host didn't shut me down because I didn't have the latest version of MT installed. Unfortunately, Safari doesn't render the MT v3.15 page properly at all, so this may finally be the push that sends me over permanently into Firefox territory. In other news, the stupidest thing I heard yesterday was that after all the dust had settled from Super Bowl XXIGSDœFVPE©R, three people called up the FCC to complain again about last year's Super Bowl Half-time Spectacular. Additionally, McDonald's (MCD) stock is down today after the company announced that it's introducing a new post-Super Bowl sandwich called "The McNabb." After you pay for it, the clerk either throws it on the floor two feet away from you or into the hands of the guy standing behind you in line.

Is taking a bath a lost art? When was the last time you took one?

So this month's music list thing has to do with Valentine's Day. And given my painfully single status, I'm opting to post 10 songs having to do with heartbreak and bad love. I'm taking them from a mix I made for a single friend a couple of years ago that I called Love Gone Wrong: Songs of Heartbreak, Obsession, Emotional Abuse, Murder and More. (Full tracklisting and order available here.) So in no particular order: 1. Meryn Cadell - "The Sweater" 2. Kermit the Frog & Rowlf the Dog - "I Hope That Somethin' Better Comes Along" 3. Sheryl Crow - "Anything But Down" 4. Nazareth - "Love Hurts" 5. Guns 'n' Roses - "Used to Love Her" 6. Patti Rothberg - "Treat Me Like Dirt" 7. James - "Laid" 8. J. Geils Band - "Love Stinks" 9. Neil Diamond & Barbra Streisand - "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" 10. Will To Power - "I'm Not in Love" NOTE: I've been trying to post the URLs of the other people who are doing this thing, but MT keeps giving me strange errors. Bleah.

Super Bowl Ads Test Limits Of Credulity Hey pal, commercials are supposed to be funny and entertaining and get us to remember the company/product they're pitching. Whether or not they're plausible in real life is irrelevant. Or were you the type of kid who hated The Muppets because there's no way a frog could talk and a bear could tell corny jokes in real life? Oh, and for the record? The two Diet Pepsi commercials were my favorites. Go Pats!

I know, it's been a while since I got all political up in this hizzy. But my cup -- once again -- runneth over. The first thing that made me boil over was when I picked up the Saturday Times, and staring me in the face on the front page was a nice article about how President Bush and his cronies were declining to participate in Europe's diplomatic mission to get Iran to stop its nuclear program. Instead, the CIA has been gathering intelligence on Iran's nuclear capabilities... well, because they were so trustworthy and accurate on the whole weapons of mass destruction in Iraq thing. Meanwhile, we're sinking millions of dollars and young Americans' lives into the quagmire that is Iraq, where we just held an election to bring them democracy, and they voted in an Islamic regime much like the one we just overran. Yet while our people are fighting and dying and -- quite frankly, not really being appreciated, based on the whole insurgency thing -- over there, all signs point to our government once again going against the popular opinion of the world to "bring the shining beacon of liberty" to Iran. (Psst... that means we're probably going to overthrow their government and pour more troops and money into another country.) Then Bush goes ahead and presents his new budget to Congress, in which he's planning on cutting back on many programs that, of course, do absolutely no good at all, like Medicaid, literacy programs, funding for the Energy Department and a number of health programs. Military spending is, of course, on the rise, and the budget he presented does not include a huge amount of money to be spent on Iraq and Afghanistan -- oh, by the way? We're set for another record deficit. Might I remind you that when Clinton left office, we were running a budget surplus. I've got this... well, it's kind of a crazy idea. Why not take all that money that we're spending running all over the world, trying to make everyone else over into our own image (which sounds vaguely megalomanical and slightly egotistical, doesn't it?), and sink it into improving conditions in our country? Why not try to make sure that the poverty level doesn't rise more than it actually is? Or fight crime within our own borders? Or fund health care? Instead of asking the District of Columbia for $40 million to fund an inaugural ball for a president who's already in office, why not let them keep that money so they can buy some Hazmat suits in case something happens or they can fund their snowplowers in case it snows a hell of a lot like it has been this winter? Wait... that would make too much sense...

Okay, so I probably had a little more to drink last night than I intended... okay, so I probably had a little more to drink last night than I should have. But the room wasn't spinning when I got home, so it's not like I was falling-down drunk. I remember the night included meeting Marc Broussard and then seeing him live in concert at the House of Blues. That's where we ran into John Mayer. I may not like his music and think he's a no-talent assclown, but I was at least civil to him. Somewhere along the line, I didn't get the requisite sleep I needed, so I'm still a little sluggish this morning. But it's going to be a full day. And tonight, I'm having a big friggin' steak and then going to see Lewis Black. Woo hoo!

For no other reason than I forgot about an early meeting at work, I can only offer you this pittance of an entry. I mean, who makes their employees come in early on a Friday, for crying out loud? So here's some amusement for the weekend. I was stunned to find out -- having heard the audio before actually seeing the episode -- that it's Tobey Maguire playing Keanu Reeves in this. Man, he's just eerily accurate. But Will Ferrell still makes me laugh my ass off. Right-click and save as. Saturday Night Live - "Celebrity Jeopardy" with Sean Connery, Keanu Reeves and Hilary Swank