So, there’s been talk of this “born-again virgin” stuff. Do you believe in it, and how long do you have have to go without sex (either voluntarily or involuntarily) in order to become a virgin again?
My apologies for the mental meltdown. My brain doesn’t like it when I don’t know exactly what other people are thinking, so then it starts to churn over and over and spit out the worst possibly scenarios—and it obsesses over them. Meanwhile, the effect that has on my mental state is… shall we say, unpleasant. So, things are better now.
In other news, I had another lovely demonstration of just how dumb people can be. I was leaving work today and headed to the escalators leading to the parking garage. At the top of the main escalators, someone was stopped and blocking the escalator. So I waited a couple of seconds to see if maybe she was getting something out of her purse or something. She didn’t move. So I finally said, “Look, are you going to go or what?” She turned around to look at me, pointed down the escalator and said, “But it’s out of service!” I replied, “So? Walk down it.” I could see the light bulb over her head slowly power up, and she said, “Ohhhhh… okay...” and then began descending.
Oy. I weep for the future of humanity.
Not a good day psychologically.
It was good to get out into the sunshine and shed the pasty-white-I-work-in-a-cubicle look, but the effort to walk and clear my head with some music failed miserably. My brain ignored the music and proceeded to sink me deeper into the mental quagmire I was trying to escape. I was so buried in my thoughts that I didn’t even notice that the little plastic thing at the end of my shoelace had been slapping against my shin every time I took a step, so that after two or three miles, there was a two-inch-long gash on my shin and I didn’t realize it until blood was running down my leg.
I can only hope that my head will clear in the days ahead. And more than that, I really just need a good night’s rest.
I need some sleep
Time to put the old horse down
I’m in too deep
And the wheels keep spinning ‘round
Everyone says I’m getting down too low
Everyone says you just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go...
-- Eels, “I Need Some Sleep”
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Rubyhorse - “Fell on Bad Days”
My dreams have been unusually intense for the past month or so, and I don’t mean intense like a Michael Bay film. I mean intensely vivid, as if you’re watching a movie where the sound is too loud and the colors are too bright—the psychological feed in my head is so strong that it’s making me feel like I’m not really rested when I wake up in the morning. Which is why I’ve been pretty much powered by caffeine for the last month.
A side effect of this is that I’ve actually been remembering aspects of my dreams when I wake up every morning. And last night, at one point in my dream, I suddenly found myself on the moon. So I went to this dream dictionary I’ve been using, and it says all this stuff about what it means if you see the moon in your dream, but nothing about what it means if you find yourself on the moon. Dammit, that’s not helpful at all!
Oh, and speaking of extra-terrestrial things, how odd is it that the last episode of a Star Trek series, ending the incredible 19-year run of having at least one Trek series on the air, would air on a Friday the 13th?
1. At dinner tonight, Rose McGowan sat at the table behind me. I will now bask in her reflected glory. You can touch me if you want. Touch me, goddammit!
2. This is some damn funny shit. I have no idea who this dude is who wrote it, but he’s daaaaaamn funny.
3. “We have a piper down. I repeat, a piper is down.”
4. It still seems odd to me that even among a group of my friends, an outsider would perceive me as being the sane one. But I’m still not the kind of guy who can be an ass to random women. Bleah.
5. I’m still kind of amazed that despite a super crappy day at work, I was still able to keep a fairly even-keeled temperament.
10 random songs from iTunes:
1. “Lover I Don’t Have to Love” - Bright Eyes
2. “Goodbye Earl” - Dixie Chicks
3. “Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover” - Sophie B. Hawkins
4. “Diamonds & Guns” - Transplants
5. “Deeper Shade of Soul” - Urban Dance Squad
6. “A Message to You, Rudy” - The Specials
7. “Honey White” - Morphine
8. “Into the Great Wide Open” - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
9. “New World Order” - Ministry
10. “Love Rears Its Ugly Head” - Living Colour
I’m beginning to believe that reality TV is not a matter of schadenfreude, it’s a matter of masochism.
At first, I thought people watched reality TV because they liked watching people humiliate themselves. You know, jumping through hoops, eating grotesque things, that sort of thing. But as the genre has evolved… that kind of reality TV has given way to shows like Supernanny and Extreme Makeover. And, like the vast amounts of E!’s programming… it’s all about stuff we’d love to have happen to us but never will. Who wouldn’t love to have a bunch of people come to your house, demolish it and rebuild it into this gorgeous place? You know it’ll never happen to you… but you watch anyways. What parent wouldn’t love to have Supernanny come by and tame their kids? You know it’ll never happen to you… but you watch anyways.
Why tantalize me with plausible entertainment that seems so close yet is still out of my reach? Instead of watching other people get swanky new pads that I could never afford, I’d rather watch some show on TV that has little basis in reality. Unfortunately, the networks keep cancelling all the good ones.
So Jon Secada came to my office yesterday, and I was introduced to him. And I instantly had a flashback to a much younger Keith, sitting in front of the stereo in his parents’ living room, patiently waiting for the songs he liked to come on the radio so he could tape them. I was almost tempted to run home, get one of my old mix tapes out of the closet I stashed them in and bring it back so he could sign it.
I wonder what Keith-of-15-years-ago would say if Keith-of-now told him he’d eventually meet the people he was recording. (Probably something late-’80sesque, like “radical!” or “tubular!")
Right-click and save as, ya bastids.
John Mason, the fiancé of so-called “runaway bride” Jennifer Wilbanks, declared himself a “born-again virgin.” Apparently, after several years of debauchery, Mason decided no more! He gave up partying and shenanigans and became chaste—and I guess that’s how he came to the conclusion that he’s a “born-again virgin.” As MSNBC Countdown host Keith Olbermann said, “When did they change the rules on this one?” Apparently, both Keith and I were under the impression that once you have sex with someone, you’re no longer a virgin and you never get it back… hence the expression ”losing your virginity.” And that’s one loss you never get back.
And Texas lawmakers are saving us all from ourselves by banning sexy cheerleading from high schools. Thank God for the lawmakers! What you didn’t see was bill sponsor Representative Al Edwards talking to The Daily Show about how sexy cheerleading leads to “the herpes” and “the AIDS” and “the kids getting pregnant and dropping out of school.” Yes, because in a state where the kids have one of the lowest high-school graduation rates in the nation and the 47th-highest SAT scores in the nation, imposing some non-specific law that says “sexy cheerleading is banned”—without, of course, defining what sexy cheerleading is—will definitely benefit the kids the most.
Well, this week is just starting off in a stellar manner. After months of letting dirt and dust accumulate on my car, I finally had time to take her to get washed yesterday—and then I woke up this morning, and it’s raining. (This, of course, also means the idiots will be out in force on the roads this morning. Wheeeeeee.) I also woke up to another lovely note from my father, reminding me of the many and myriad ways of how I’m not living my life according to his dictates and how much it’s killing him. Then I found out that the concert that I’d asked for tickets for this Saturday… well, they’d just given away their last pair of tickets to the reviewer from Variety.
It’s enough to make a guy want to crawl back into bed and sleep until June. In the meantime, right-click and save as.
1. I have no idea why my romantic misfortune is such a popular topic among my co-workers. But if they buy me a couple of drinks at happy hour, I suppose I can repay them with stories of my sordid love life, lack thereof or incredibly crazy occurrences I’ve been subjected to. At least I wasn’t forced to tell the story of Coachella Chick again… it came close, but I thankfully dodged that bullet.
2. The middle lane of the 405 freeway is no place for a bathtub.
3. A friend of mine who is a BASTARD and saw an advance preview of Star Wars Episode III sent me some spoiler info for the movie, and now I’m actually really interested in seeing it. He’s a Star Wars fanatic, and he says it’s the best of all the prequels and even places second in his list of which Star Wars films are his favorite (No. 1 is The Empire Strikes Back).
10 random songs from iTunes:
1. “Need You Around” - The Smoking Popes
2. “Choppin’ Broccoli” - Dana Carvey
3. “The Best Thing” - Ivy
4. “Passing Me By” - The Pharcyde
5. “On the Turning Away” - Pink Floyd
6. “We Want the Funk” - Gerardo
7. “Train of Consequences” - Megadeth
8. “Cowgirl” - Underworld
9. “The Clincher” - Chevelle
10. “Club Foot” - Kasabian
Dear ABC,
I had high hopes for you guys this season. Far and away, there were more shows I felt I had to watch and couldn’t miss on your network than any other. I was one of the several million glued to Grey’s Anatomy every Sunday night, and not just because I have a mild crush on Ellen Pompeo. And Wednesday nights? Forget it, I was glued to you guys. You had a lineup that couldn’t be beat, and I was definitely impressed with the wrap-up, Eyes. It was funny, it was intelligent, it had some great actors in it… it was just like Sports Night, the best show ever on television—which you also had… and then cancelled.
So I should’ve known that you’d take Eyes off the air. You bastards. Yes, I’ll still watch all the other shows on ABC that I like, but my heart’s just not in it. Intelligent shows just can’t stand up against stupid reality TV, and that makes me nauseous. I weep for the future of America.
Cordially, yet disappointedly,
Keith
It’s not just Thursday, it’s not just Cinco de Mayo (wooooooo, Tequila Thursday!)… it’s also 05-05-05. Thankfully it’s not a full moon, otherwise I’d really be worried about the crazies coming out of the woodwork.
And no, I didn’t watch Primetime Live last night. I have a deep disdain for American Idol, especially since these days, it doesn’t seem to matter if you win or lose—either way, someone’s going to give you a record contract. That’s like saying that it doesn’t matter if you win a Presidential election, because if you lose, you’ll still get to be Prime Minister of Canada or something.
And now, in honor of Cinco de Mayo, a little Spanish-infused flava for you. Right-click and save as, hombres y chicas.
1. First, we have Darth Vader’s blog. Damn, that’s funny.
2. Second, we have ZabaSearch. I’m not quite sure how to feel about this site. Personally, I’m scared that so much of so many people’s information is accessible so easily. I found contact information for me leading as far back as the house I grew up in and stuff from every apartment I’ve ever lived in! (Thankfully, I’m off the grid right now because I don’t have a landline, so they haven’t found me yet.) I know that kind of thing is public domain, and I know that I’ve used the Internet to obtain contact information for long-lost friends and things of that sort, but it still scares me that so much is floating out there.
Well, my friend-with-benefits has cancelled our with-benefits arrangement. Bleah. Now I have to come up with ways of distracting myself again, like work more on my ongoing plans to conquer the world. Blast!
In fluffy news, check out this video for Moby’s latest song, “Beautiful.” It’s entertaining and funny and disturbing all at the same time.
It’s Tuesday, and I’m girding my loins for another 13-hour workday as I do every Tuesday. Hooray. Right-click and save as, homequiches.
DJ Prince - “Galvanize the Eye of the Tiger” (Chemical Brothers vs. Survivor)
- Amounts of crap I got from co-workers for not getting cute-woman-at-Coachella’s phone number, even though she lives in Chicago, a city I’ve never been to and have no plans to go to: Metric assloads.
- Interest level in seeing Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith just to see what happens: Rising.
- Amount of sleep I got last night: Not enough.
- Amounts of joy I experienced last night at seeing an episode of Family Guy and, for the first time in three years, not knowing what will happen next: SO FREAKIN’ MUCH.