No, I didn’t feel the earthquake. I was in an elevator when it hit. I only knew something had happened because when I got upstairs to the office, everyone was talking about it. But again, it’s moments like that that make me think that perhaps working on the 41st floor of a building situated in a seismically unstable area might be great in terms of view, but not so great in terms of survival. I still feel kind of let down though… if I’m going to be around here when there’s an earthquake, I’d at least like to feel it, y’know?
In other news, I’m about ready to get stinkin’ drunk and sleep until August. Thankfully, I just made my plans to get away from it all over the July 4th weekend. It’ll be me, my best friend and 1,100 miles of open road in Idaho, Montana, Wyoming and Colorado. Hopefully, that’ll be enough to help me hold it together just a little while longer.
So, I’ve been waiting for the next release of iPods to get one, and last night, I dreamed that they came out and I got one. I can’t even begin to tell you how disappointed I am this morning to wake up and realize it was only a dream. I’m hoping they’ll come out during MacWorld in July, but who knows what Apple’s thinking?
“Tomorrow never comes until it’s too late...”
DJ Shadow - “Six Days (Mos Def Remix)”
Right-click and save as.
Favorite new news story:
Schiavo Autopsy Shows Massive Brain Damage
In case you don’t recall, our Fearless Leader rushed back to Washington from vacation to save Terri Schiavo, who lawmakers swore would recover if her feeding tube was reinserted. Well, it turns out that Terri Schiavo’s brain had shrunk to half the size of a healthy brain, her vision center was destroyed (which means she couldn’t have seen all the things her parents were waving at her), and there’s no way she could’ve ever recovered. Looks like the messages that Jeebus has been sending to Dubya weren’t so right this time around.
Favorite new website:
Breakup News. I hate reveling in other people’s misery, but… oh hell, this stuff is just too good not to read. Besides, it just goes to show me that some people might even have it worse than I do.
Favorite new songs:
E tagged me, so I have to tell you what my current six favorite songs are (in no particular order)…
1. A Perfect Circle - “Blue”
2. Chevelle - “The Clincher”
3. Jimmy Eat World - “Futures”
4. The Killers - “All These Things That I’ve Done”
5. Rise Against - “Swing Life Away”
6. Z-Trip featuring Soup of Jurassic 5 - “Listen to the DJ”
And the six people I’m tagging with this are: Mikey, Nox, Hilary, Joelle, Sledge and Becky.
Blatantly pilfered from Mikey, since I’m a little brain-dead after a 13-hour workday…
Three things that you’ll find at my desk that you probably won’t find on anyone else’s:
1. A promotional item (okay, it’s a glass) from the greatest TV show ever, Sports Night
2. A piece of concrete from Ground Zero in New York
3. A room key from the Bellagio in Las Vegas
Three things I’m wearing right now:
1. A navy blue t-shirt
2. Jeans
3. Glasses
Three things I “missed the boat” on:
1. American Idol, but I’d probably sink that boat if I was on it
2. Arrested Development
3. Six Feet Under
Three boats I was on that you probably missed:
1. Super Troopers
2. Mashups
3. Sega Dreamcast
Three famous volcanoes:
1. Mount St. Helens
2. Pompeii
3. Bill O’Reilly—that guy is a big pile of smoldering rage, and when he blows, I don’t want to be around
Three people who I’m extraordinarily sick of:
1. Paris Hilton
2. Michael Jackson
3. Jamie White, morning co-host on Star 98.7 here in Los Angeles
And finally, three great blogs you may not have heard of, but should totally check out:
1. Vox Noxi
2. Ramblings and Such
3. First Dates
They can complain all they want about how American culture is evil and promotes excess, but when Al Jazeera breaks into their regular programming to go live with Michael Jackson trial verdict coverage… well, that just makes all that grandstanding of theirs null and void, doesn’t it?
I have to admit, though, that I am sad that the Michael Jackson trial is over, if only because I really liked ”Michael Jackson Puppet Theatre” on Countdown With Keith Olbermann.
Okay, yes, I actually did say out loud in public on Friday night, “You know how some people are scared of things that are supposed to be happy and pleasant, like clowns? Well, I’m scared of golf pants.”
Then again, later that night, I answered my phone as I usually do at night ("bonus nachos”—get it? Buenos noches? Bonus nachos?… I’m priceless) and exercised my power of suggestion over one of my friends, who said about two minutes later, “Damn, when we get to the bar, I want a pitcher of beer and some nachos.”
And now, the rant: Putting on your turn signal does not guarantee you entry into someone’s lane. I was in the right lane on the 101 freeway today and a car pulled up next to me about 1/3 of a car-length in front of me, and the driver put on her turn signal to get into my lane. Great, there was a small space in front of me and about 3 car-lengths of open space behind me. So I hit the gas, passed her to let her get in behind me, then got off at the next exit. The woman actually got off the freeway, then pulled up next to me at the stoplight and rolled down her window to ask me if I’d seen her turn signal! I swear, this is one of those days when I need a rocket launcher mounted on the roof of my car.
Here’s a quick and easy way to become the hero of the men’s room if you’re ever at an Irish pub (not that I really wanted or intended to): Idly comment “wow, I haven’t seen a piss trough since Fenway.”
In other news, a corporate lawyer from Utah who I was interviewing yesterday actually quoted Napoleon Dynamite back to me. He instantly became my favorite lawyer of all time.
It’s been one of those days. And in the midst of it all, self-discovery. Because I never really thought of myself as a caffeine addict, but it was quite obvious to me that skipping my morning coffee today put me in a super foul mood. I never got a caffeine headache, despite the fact that it was three hours before I could lay my hands on some Diet Coke, but it’s now clear to me that I’m mildly dependent on coffee to kickstart my morning. After years of denying that I’d ever be one of “those” people, I am now. And it makes me wonder how I can even function on Saturdays and Sundays when I don’t have coffee… or how I can operate normally without ripping people’s heads off and snarling.
I’m in the middle of watching Pi, and—oddly enough—it’s something I moderately identify with. I remember listening to songs and needing to match beats or find patterns or discover time signatures—I’d get all frustrated, especially with complex pieces, and have to Zen out and just let it flow into my brain. And while I don’t have OCD, I have to admit that I like songs that fit together into patterns, even if they are complex, and I find that even in something as artistically oriented and creative as music, mathematics and patterns still apply. I think that’s why I never liked jazz—I can’t get into a style of music that is based on disharmony and offbeats and thrives on its freeform nature.
That said, here are some moderately complex—some of which are angry—pieces for you to right-click and save as.
Korn - “Freak on a Leash (Freakin’ B Mix)”
My father just sent me a book called The World Is Flat: A Brief History of the Twenty-First Century. So, given that most people consider that the 21st Century started in 2000, we’re 5 1/2 years into the century… not considering that the book probably was done a couple of months ago before it hit the stands.
Now, Merriam-Webster defines “brief” as “short in duration, extent or length,” so I was a little surprised to find that this short book about the last 5 years is—drum roll, please—470 pages. Given that, I’d love to see what the unabridged version looks like.
So the lovely and delicious-looking Jennifer smoked all your asses on the trivia contest. This proves to me that either (a) I have like five readers, (b) I have like five readers who care or (c) I have like five readers and they all care. Either way, Jennifer, send me your address, and I’ll fire off the CD prize pack to you.
And now, sleep, because that’s where I’m a Viking. Unfortunately, even in my dreams, I can’t escape the trials that plague me in waking life.
Counting the days until some freedom can scream my name
Counting the days until the gods break these chains...
-- Collective Soul, ”Counting the Days”
One of my co-workers and I frequently trade IMs, during which time one of us will say something that the other will say, “Hey, that’s my next band name,” or “Hey, that’s my next album title.” The latest incarnation is the album punkrockgothjew by Mohammed & The Frenzied Catholics. Personally, I’m still stuck on the band name Evil Petting Zoo, and I will totally name my band that if I ever start one.
For those of you in the Boston area, one of my old friends is starting up a trivia night. Given that I’m currently about 3,100 miles away, I’ll be unable to defend my title as King of Useless Trivia™, but I highly recommend that the rest of you stop by. The event goes down tomorrow and every other Wednesday throughout the summer at 8pm at Porter’s Bar. Greg, the host, actually appeared on MTV’s Remote Control and is a trivia whiz as well, so it’s probably best that the two of us not meet in trivia combat. If you go (and you better go), tell him I sent you. It will make the both of us happy.
In the meantime, I have my own little pop-culture trivia contest to run. The winner will get a CD prize pack from me, including the new CD from Paul Anka, Rock Swings. The CD contains Paul’s take on such great alternative classics as Soundgarden’s “Black Hole Sun,” Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” Van Halen’s “Jump” and The Cure’s “Lovecats,” among others. Quite frankly, I received four copies in the mail at the same time, then stood up and announced to everyone in my office that they should take cover because the apocalypse was nigh.
Anyways. The first person to get all these questions right wins. Aaaaaaaand… go!
1. Complete this sentence: “The continuum transfunctioner is a ______ and _______ device, and its _______ is only exceeded by its ________.”
2. Who rocked whose butt with a 12-inch cut called “Disco Kryptonite”?
3. When Flounder is appointed Pledge Representative to the Social Committee, what’s it mean he has to do?
4. What’s the final destruct sequence for the starship Enterprise? EDITED TO ADD: I mean the original starship Enterprise, NCC-1701.
5. What’s the code to put into Contra on the original Nintendo to get extra lives?
I’m feeling very ‘80s. And it’s been a very weird weekend where I slept for 16 hours on Saturday and didn’t leave the apartment until 8:30pm that night. I think it may have something to do with the fact that I feel completely drained. So, enjoy these gratuitous tracks since I don’t have much else to say—except that when I’m feeling a bit emotionally bereft, movies like The Girl Next Door (where the nice guy scores the hot yet amazing girl) are probably not the best thing for me to watch. Right-click and save as.
Echo & The Bunnymen - “The Killing Moon”
Okay, so I might’ve flubbed one line of my second solo. And yeah, I might’ve spent 10 minutes flirting unabashedly with someone who’s already married without she was married. But in the end, the performance went over really well, and I think we rocked. I managed to impress a few people and make a few others laugh, so it’s all good. I can only hope that I impressed a particular cute blonde I wouldn’t mind getting to know a little better.
EDITED TO ADD: Just received this e-mail:
From: Another Group Member
To: Keith
Message: My mom told me that even though she’s required to think I did an awesome job, she thought you were the best performer last night. Bastard.
Rawk.
Either way, I have an early staff meeting to get to, so here’s the Friday iTunes 10 along with a little somethin’ somethin’ for y’all. Right-click and save as, or I will find you and smite you!
Friday iTunes Random 10 Tracks:
1. U2 - “Who’s Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses (Temple Bar Remix)”
2. Sha-Na-Na - “Rock ‘n’ Roll Is Here to Stay”
3. Smoking Popes - “Need You Around”
4. Nikka Costa - “Everybody Got Their Something”
5. Korn - “Freak on a Leash (Freakin’ B Remix)”
6. Morris Day & The Time - “Jungle Love”
7. OutKast - “Bombs Over Baghdad”
8. Bush - “Machinehead”
9. Moby - “Go”
10. Alice In Chains - “Them Bones”
Hint: Here’s where you right-click and save as.
Go Home Productions - “Jacko Under Pressure” (Michael Jackson vs. Queen)
First, is L.A.: For some reason, it made me laugh extra hard to see some dressed-up primped-out L.A. woman standing next to her shiny new BMW in the middle of the street… pouring gas from a canister into her gas tank because she ran out of gas only a tenth of a mile up the street from a gas station.
Next, is not L.A.: Christ on a monorail, I haven’t been up in front of people to perform a full show in seven years! Can you imagine the stage fright I’m actually experiencing right now? I sure hope there’s good material on TV tonight, because I don’t think I’ll be sleeping very much.
My brain’s dead anyways. Stop pestering me for original content. I worked for 13 1/2 hours today. Bleah.
