It’s that time of year when the appropriate thing to do is look at the Year in Review. So forgive me if I peel back the curtain on the Great and Powerful Oz and write straight without trying to amuse, despite my usual tendencies.
It was an interesting year, to say the least. I partied with rock stars and partied like a rock star. I made new friends, lost some old friends, gained back some of those lost friends and then lost them again as they moved away. I spent about 20,000 miles behind the wheel of a car. I dated a few woman and — uncharacteristically — broke things off myself instead of just letting things slowly crash & burn, which means I must be getting mature in my old age. I performed on a stage in front of other people for the first time in 7 years. I saw some great bands perform live, and I’ll probably become deaf all the sooner because of them. I was an extra in a movie (but I guess it never really went anywhere). I went to Hawaii for the first time ever, and I also went on my first cruise ever.
However, 2005 was not a great year for me. Something was supposed to occur this year that was supposed to change my life very much for the better and put me a lot farther down the path of where I thought I was going and where I wanted to go. Obviously, nothing happened, and I spent the year waiting… and waiting… and riding the emotional rollercoaster as I imagined what would happen when the event occurred and then crashing hard as I worried about what would happen if it didn’t. The constant push-and-pull, as well as the intense amounts of stress it generated, took its toll on me in a number of different ways — and I still don’t have resolution. Not only that, but because of the whole mess, I basically put my life on hold for a while and didn’t move forward in other areas that I could have because I was waiting for things to resolve. I’ve slowly started to rectify that by beginning to live life again and not worrying about what may or may not happen days, weeks or months down the road — but in some ways, I feel that despite all that I’ve done this year, 2005 was kind of a wasted year… and while I’m not going to die tomorrow, I don’t really have a year to waste either.
So here’s me, raising a glass and hoping that 2006 will bring something that 2005 could not. I don’t know what that is, and I’m not allowing myself the privilege of thinking about it, because doing that is part of what got me into trouble this year. And despite having only myself to rely on, I’m calling out to the Powers That Be for their support, and I’m pleading with Fate and Karma to give me that push that this year lacked.
If I happen to not write again this week, then I wish you all a Happy New Year, thanks for coming along for the ride this year, and I’ll see you on the flipside. I’ll close out the year with something that seems to be my theme song of late. Download etiquette applies.
So, you want to hear what I sound like on the radio? Here’s a small sample.
And no, I wasn’t making that story up. It’s real.
I made it. I survived. Another Christmas season is over — except everyone will leave up their Christmas lights for the next couple of months, which I actually don’t mind because I like Christmas lights. At least the Christmas music is over.
I went to see Munich yesterday (well, I pretty much had no other choice, see below), and the best line of the movie? “The moral of the story? Don’t fuck with the Jews.” Then I went off to a friend’s place for a huge non-denominational holiday dinner. Don’t fret, though — I had Chinese food for dinner on Christmas Eve, so the tradition is intact.
The thing that bugged me all day? I got a text message on my cell phone yesterday morning from someone who obviously knows me, but I have no clue who it’s from. It’s from an 818 number, so it’s someone who’s local, and the number looks vaguely familiar. Anyone want to fess up?
And now, back to the regularly scheduled non-holiday madness.
Phil n’ Dog - “Gay Muppet Bar” (Electric Six vs. The Muppets)
Windows schmucks, right-click and save as; Mac peeps, control-click and save as.
Tomorrow, a time-honored tradition will occur. As the Christians shuffle off to church and open presents, the Jews will be headed to their local Chinese food restaurants for meals and then their local movie theatres to catch a flick. It’s so well-established, even the Los Angeles Times wrote a story about it in today’s issue.
“We must have very similar cultures,” Chan said. “All Chinese people know that Jewish people love Chinese food. Maybe they grew up with it?”
Either way, I’m betting that this year, it’s not going to be a very Merry Christmas for many Jews out there. Why? Well, aside from the fact that we’re again being subjected to 24 hours of A Christmas Story on TBS and who knows how many networks will be running It’s a Wonderful Life, there’s really not that much out there in the movie theatres for us to see this year. Let’s take a quick snapshot of what’s playing, shall we?
Cheaper by the Dozen 2: A bad sequel to a bad remake.
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe: Hello, we’re going to the movies to escape Christmas, not be reminded of it! Although I will say that the “Lazy Sunday” skit from SNL is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time. It’s available here as a free download from the iTunes Music Store (link opens directly into iTMS).
King Kong: Another bad remake, this one lasting a bladder-busting three hours long. Thanks, I’ll pass.
Fun With Dick & Jane: Another bad remake (hello, Hollywood? Originality, line 1, sounds pissed you haven’t used its services in, oh, FIVE YEARS), this one featuring Jim Carrey being wacky and doing physical comedy. Like I haven’t seen that about 18,000 times before.
Memoirs of a Geisha: Yeah, thanks, I’m already getting my Asian content over dinner.
The Producers: Oh, fer cryin’ out loud… REMAKE, REMAKE, REMAKE. I’ve seen the original with Zero Mostel and Gene Wilder, and without Mel Brooks at the helm, it’s just not the same. They should’ve left this one alone. And don’t even get me started on the whole Steve-Martin-as-Inspector-Clouseau-in-The Pink Panther thing. I’m livid about that.
The Family Stone: Ooh, lookit! Sarah Jessica Parker playing someone who’s supposedly uptight and conservative! She goes to her fiancé’s family for the holidays, hilarity ensues and everyone ends up liking each other by the end of the weekend. Yeeeeah, thanks, but I’ll pass. Too formulaic. On a side note, has anyone else noticed that in her headshot on IMDb, Rachel McAdams looks a hell of a lot like Jennifer Garner?
Well, this pretty much brings us to Munich, which features Jews going commando and killing off the Palestinian terrorists who murdered their compatriots in the 1972 Olympics. It may be a bit of a downer based on the subject matter, but what Jew doesn’t want to see his countrymen kicking ass, especially on Christmas Day? What, you thought Spielberg’s timing on the release was just coincidence? I’m guessing I know what’s going to be sold out tomorrow, if only by process of elimination of choices of what to see.
So, yeah. Merry Christmas to all, and to all, skip the theatres and just head to Blockbuster for a good flick this year.
Everclear - “I Will Be Hating You for Christmas”
Usual rules of download etiquette apply.
I had the unique experience of having dinner tonight with a friend who is in Extreme Pregnancy Mode™. She’s literally so ready to pop that when I called her cell phone to say I’d be a little late to dinner thanks to a fire that had Ventura Boulevard blocked off and I got her voicemail, the thought “I wonder if she’s not answering her phone because she left for the hospital because she’s in labor...?” actually did cross my mind. It’s a weird thought that the kid — a new life — really could come out at literally any minute. It’s kind of a humbling experience.
Something’s swirling in the cosmos. Something’s about to happen… I can feel it.
Live - “Lightning Crashes”
Windows suckas: Right-click and save as, Mac rulahs: Control-click and save as.
Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes and cards and stuff, and to everyone who was at the blogger meetup thing last night, thank you for your in-person wishes and I hate you all for singing to me and attracting attention, even if it did score us some free chocolate mousse from the waitress.
Since I’m not really feeling creative this morning, I’ll go with the old standby entry:
10 random songs from iTunes:
1. “Love Removal Machine” - The Cult
2. “Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl)” - Looking Glass
3. “Hey Jude” - The Beatles
4. “Desert Rose” - Sting
5. “Wicked Garden” - Stone Temple Pilots
6. “Juke Joint Jezebel” - KMFDM
7. “I Didn’t Mean to Turn You On” - Robert Palmer
8. “September Morn” - Neil Diamond
9. “Pretend We’re Dead” - L7
10. “Go” - Tones on Tail
Now there’s a playlist. Hold on while I call Jack FM.
So this is the new year… and I don’t feel any different.
-- Death Cab For Cutie
Looks like I survived to face another birthday — one more year and the warranty runs out, so I better make this one count. In the immortal words of Sports Night‘s Casey McCall, “I’m gonna need a plan.”
Words cannot express how exhausted I am — my system is pretty much running exclusively on massive amounts of caffeine and sheer force of will at this point in time. I will probably collapse in about half an hour or so. This is primarily due to the fact that I was out until 4am last night in Las Vegas, then woke up at 6am this morning to make the 280-mile drive back to Los Angeles so I could be at work today.
However, I had a freakin’ awesome weekend, not the least of which had to do with the fact that I got to see my best friend for the first time in five months. I saw some other friends I haven’t seen in a while and even made some new ones. Oh yeah — I also stayed out late and drank a lot with all these friends. No, I don’t gamble… but, as I’m sure you know, there are opportunities for many other vices in Las Vegas.
It wasn’t all fun and games, though, but it was all fun. I saw a bunch of celebrities, including Johnny Rzeznik of The Goo Goo Dolls, the Jesus freak woman from Wife Swap, Nick Carter (who was at the same craps table for about 10 hours straight) and Paris Hilton. I know, ohmigawd, I was in the same room as Paris Hilton and was about 50 feet away from her! Pardon me while I retch a little. But here are some of the people I actually got a chance to talk to.
My best friend, Cheryl Hines from Curb Your Enthusiam and me
My best friend, Angus T. Jones from Two and a Half Men and me
Me and the absolutely lovely Natasha Bedingfield
Me and Tyler Hilton
My best friend, the yummy-looking Danni Boatwright (winner of Survivor) and me
Me and the boys from Lifehouse
Ryan Cabrera and me
Me with Joe Simpson, father of Ashlee and Jessica
What the desert sky looks like at 6:30am
And those are only the tame pictures of the weekend. The rest… well, you won’t be seeing those.
For someone who is not a morning person, waking up this early — especially when it’s on my own without help from an alarm — is not only painful, it’s also cruel & unusual punishment. And not only is it 7:15am, but I’ve been up for an hour already. Considering I didn’t get to sleep until 2am last night, oh yeah… today’s going to hurt.
But tomorrow morning, I hop in the car and make my way out to Las Vegas for the weekend, and you have no idea how much I’m looking forward to it and also to seeing my best friend. And the funny thing is that I’m going to make things hard on myself at the beginning of next weekend — we’re both going to the festivities involved with the Radio Music Awards, including an industrywide party on Sunday night. I’m planning on going to this party to see friends and drink with my best friend, which means I can’t drive the four hours home that night… can you see where I’m going with this? Right — in order to make it back to Los Angeles for work on Monday morning, I’m going to spend Sunday night in Las Vegas, wake up around 5am on Monday morning and then drive straight back to work and put in a full day in the office. I think today is going to hurt? I have no idea what I’m in store for… and the hell of it all is that I’m doing this willingly.
If I survive, I should have some good stories to tell. Until then, see you on the flipside. Here’s a little somethin’ somethin’ to help you through your weekend. Windoze peeps: Right-click and save as; to my Mac homies, that’s Control-click and save as.
Attention, world:
If you’ve come here looking for “Swiss Colony Beef Log” by Eric Cartman of South Park fame, listen up—it’s not here. Stop looking for it, and stop making my sitemeter go nuts with referrals from various search engines for it. Yes, that especially means you, Mr. comcast.net, who spent 25 minutes going through 40 pages of my archives searching for it. At that rate, just buying the damn song from iTunes would’ve been less of a hassle. You can part with a dollar, can’t you?
When life comes flying at me at warp speed, there’s a pretty good remedy that almost never fails:
1. Lock myself in my apartment.
2. Turn off all the lights except the small lamp next to my bed.
3. Put on some chill-out music.
4. Put on my pajamas and climb into my bed (which is currently sporting warm and comfortable flannel sheets).
5. Immerse myself in a good book or magazine.
It’s like the male equivalent of a warm bubble bath, except there’s no water or bubbles whatsoever, so there’s no danger that I’ll accidentally fall asleep in the bathtub and wake up to find someone’s broken into my apartment and made a bubble beard and a bubble wig on my head out of the bubbles.
And now, please enjoy this ingredient of my night (right-click and save as, please):
The Blue Hawaiians - “Martini Five-O”
I originally promised myself I wouldn’t go here. But if you can’t be perfectly honest with yourself, who can you be perfectly honest with?
A few entries back, I said that the time between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day was the hardest and most miserable time of year for single people. I’m amending that. Yes, the entire time of year is difficult, but it all really zeroes in on one single day that’s the worst. Thanksgiving and Christmas, they’re more for family and you can spend it with relatives. Valentine’s Day, you can conveniently ignore if you’re single since it’s not like you have absolutely nothing to do that day because everything’s not closed and it’s not like there are all-day marathons about love running on every single TV channel known to man, and if it falls on a weekday, you’re probably distracted by work all day anyways. Hell, I have even have plans for my birthday (which is next Wednesday, by the way) and I usually never have birthday plans because everyone’s usually already left to spend the holidays with their relatives. No, the single worst day of the year to be single is December 31.
New Year’s Eve is the one day that’s a celebration you spend with friends or a significant other (or both), not relatives. And now that I’m getting to the age where most of my friends are attached, I’m finding it’s almost harder when they make plans and are nice enough to include me because, quite frankly, I don’t like feeling like an odd-numbered wheel. The big tradition is the midnight kiss, which you don’t get to partake in if you’re single. And again, it’s not a day where you can distract yourself with other things — almost every channel is running some kind of New Year’s celebration, you’ll hear the cheering and the party horns blowing at midnight, and just about everything’s closed because it’s pretty much a national holiday. You. Can’t. Avoid it.
I don’t know where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing (if anything) this New Year’s Eve. At this point, I’m just trying to take it one day at a time. And right now, that means I’m counting down until this weekend, when I head to Las Vegas to celebrate my birthday with my best friend, who I haven’t seen in five months and who I miss like you wouldn’t believe. I’m even booked for Christmas Eve and double-booked for Christmas Day to do the Jewish tradition of movies & Chinese food with my friends. After that, it’s anyone’s guess.
Firstly — and most importantly — Tuesday is Gray Tuesday. The great mashup album American Edit was hit with a cease-and-desist only 10 days after it went online, and a movement in the mashup community is underway to get the attention of Warner Bros. and Reprise to possibly persuade them to legitimize mashups. The creators of American Edit did not ask for monetary compensation for their work; they even asked that those who download their album donate some money to one of the charities listed on Green Day’s website.
Secondly, I think I’ve figured out one of the main reasons why I’m being so bah-humbugesque this year. It’s the weather. For cryin’ out loud, how am I supposed to feel like it’s winter and I’m in the middle of the holiday season when it’s 70 degrees outside? Seriously. I walked down to the beach yesterday and I was only wearing a t-shirt and jeans. There’s no snow around. And have you ever seen Christmas lights on a palm tree? It just looks… wrong. My internal calendar is going completely haywire.
Lastly, is anyone else as concerned as I am that McDonald’s is again bringing back the McRib? Just when I thought the assault on America’s colon was finished…
Everclear - “I Will Be Hating You For Christmas”
Don’t be a dick, right-click.
I settled in on The Most Comfortable Couch Known to Man™ (thusly dubbed by my friends, not me, so it’s not like I’m being modest or anything… but it is pretty damn comfy) earlier this evening to watch I Heart Huckabees, which I’ve never seen before and TiVo’d a few nights ago to watch at my leisure.
The usual HBO crap came on beforehand… then they showed that the movie was rated R and the reasons why — among them, adult language and brief nudity. My brain, of course, being wired the way it is, picked up only on the “brief nudity” part… but my only (and immediate, I might add) thought was, “Dear God, I hope Lily Tomlin doesn’t get naked in this movie.” Considering that Dustin Hoffman was also starring in it, and there was just as much of a chance that he would be the naked one, I find it a little disturbing that my subconscious would rather see Dustin Hoffman naked than Lily Tomlin.
Holy crap, if I hear “Christmas Wrapping” by The Waitresses one more time, I think I’m officially going to lose my shit and go postal.