A few more Things About Keith: 1. I have a middle name. Very, very few people know it. I hate it. It's biblical. So I usually tell people I don't have a middle name. No, I'm not going to tell you what it is, and good luck guessing. There's a lot of names in the Bible, and I won't tell you even if you're right. 2. I've eaten ostrich. It tastes just like cow. It's good. 3. If I'm feeling silly and dumb, I will occasionally yell, "Mooooooo!" if I see cows while I'm driving. 4. I like port. It's become one of my alcoholic beverages of choice. I feel mildly grown-up when I drink it, which is probably a good reason why I shouldn't have it. 5. I can raise my right eyebrow by itself. I can't raise my left eyebrow by itself. 6. I never get cold. If I get cold, I know something's wrong and I'm probably getting sick. 7. I can never let my hair grow too long. If it does, I don't really get shaggy. I get the Jewish 'Fro, and my hair just kind of starts growing outward. 8. Even though Ayn Rand is one of my favorite authors, I've never read Atlas Shrugged completely through. I've never been able to make it through that boring-ass 80 page long speech that John Galt makes near the end of the book. 9. I have a strange affinity for morbid post-apocalyptic films and books. I dig They Live, Escape From New York, a short-story collection called Armageddons (which has stories about many different ways the world could end) and Resurrection Day (which is a book that takes place 10 years after the Cuban Missile Crisis supposedly escalated into a full-scale nuclear conflict). 10. At times, I can be incredibly patient, and at others, incredibly impatient. 11. Right now, I'm very impatient. I'm waiting on several things that I want to happen now. I'm into instant gratification. I hate waiting. I hate anticipation. 12. The concept of time travel fascinates me to no end. I can spend hours debating the mechanics and physics and ramifications of it. 13. I hide my geekyness well. I'm rather a chameleon when it comes to fitting in with various social groups. 14. I like to cook, I just really really hate cleaning up afterwards. Since our dishwasher doesn't work that well, I hardly ever cook. 15. To this day, I still think my last girlfriend was cheating on me, but I never asked her if she was. Even if I had asked her, I don't think I would've gotten a straight answer out of her. 16. I love cotton jersey and flannel sheets. 17. I've walked across the Brooklyn Bridge. 18. I think Esquire has some of the best and most well-written articles of any magazine I've ever come across. 19. Given enough (and the proper kind of) dressing, I'll actually eat salad, even though I love meat and I'm not a fan of vegetables at all. 20. Because of one particular scene in The Replacements, a co-worker and I have a running inside joke regarding bundt cake, and we can't help but start laughing every day when we go to Starbucks and see it there. 21. Unless I'm going to the gym, I refuse to go out into public without showering and making myself look presentable. 22. I have a super-low tolerance for women who are sweet-to-the-point-of-saccharin. Any women I'm friends with or date have to be down to earth and need a little dirt. Cuteness is okay, but only to a point. 23. My friends think I do a really good imitation of Cartman, especially when I bust out with, "Beefcake, kick ass!" 24. I'm pretty good with imitating things I hear, either accents or vocal inflections (both spoken and sung) and things of that sort. 25. It usually takes me an hour after I wake up to be able to really think and process input and respond. Before then, I'm just running on autosystems.