How ironic that I'd planned to use that title for this entry since I started forming this entry in my head earlier this afternoon, but right now, the movie's on TV as well.

I got an e-mail from my parents earlier this morning. It seems that the City of L.A. has a job they want to interview me for, they sent the notice to the address I have on record with them -- my parents' place in Connecticut. Mom and Dad promptly e-mailed me to tell me about the notice, and then later on my father instant messaged me to ask me if I could still interview for it. I told him I wasn't planning on it.

Dad got upset. I need to keep my options open, he said, basically preying on my insecurities and hypersensitivity to being laid off which I acquired after my layoff last spring. The city job would give me full benefits, and it would pay more than I'm making right now and there's a chance it might be a little more stable, he pointed out. Money was the big issue he kept pushing. Apparently, even though he has no knowledge of my finances, he's convinced I'm losing money because taking this job involved a rather large pay cut on my part. Besides, didn't I have plans to raise a family at some point? How was I going to support them? When I replied offhandedly that I'd marry rich or something like that, he told me he "couldn't take it anymore" and signed offline. I'd apparently made him that upset.

It makes me upset that my dad is so concerned about money. Like I said in a previous entry, money can't buy happiness, but it can buy peace of mind and to some, that is happiness. To me, I'm getting along okay right now -- not that I wouldn't mind making more and I'm not buying everything I'd like to -- but for the first time in many years, I'm actually happy doing what I'm doing with my life, and I don't dread going to work in the morning. I like my job, which seems to be a rarity in the workforce these days, and that makes me happy which is worth more to me than a stable city desk job. I left public relations and I never wanted to look back. I might make more at this city job, but I'd be miserable. Besides, it's not like I'm going to be at this position forever especially since I'm just starting out at the company and I'm at the bottom of the ladder; I hope that, eventually, I'll get promoted and I'll make more money. But to bring in the "how are you going to support a family" tactic just infuriates me, since I'm nowhere near ready to even think about that.

I blame my parents for my sometimes-high levels of stress. They've instilled in me the need to think so far ahead that sometimes I have problems enjoying the moment. I'm not supposed to have cable or go out to dinner according to them because I can't "afford" it and I need to save up every penny I have just in case something happens and I need a rainy day fund, or I need to "invest for the future" -- my father's most favorite expression. I sometimes want to scream at them to remind them that I'm 25, and while I may be an adult with all the responsibilities inherent to that status, I'm also relatively young and I'll have years upon years to worry about mortgage payments and car repairs and replacing the washing machine, and right now, it's time for me to go out with friends and enjoy myself. I'm living for me -- no one else -- and I have no one else to support. I'll have plenty of time to do that later. But me living for myself in the present day instead of thinking about five or ten or twenty years from now always seems to create friction between us, and I hate that I have to deal with that.