I fell out of my car when I got home tonight, and, in the process, I apparently got the attention of someone walking through the alley where my garage is.  After 500 miles, I was a little stiff and sore.  I was more sore at the idiots out on the road today, so here’s a quick driving lesson for all y’all:

1. When in the left lane, make sure you’re going faster than people in the right lane and the people behind you.  If you’re just sitting there in the left lane and cars are piling up behind you, get out of my way—er, I mean, get the hell out of the way.  That’s when I get to play my favorite road game, “Bitch, You’re Going Slower Than Me and It’s Aggravating the Hell Out of Me So Move Your Slow Ass.”

2. If you are, in fact, a dumbass and allow cars to pile up behind you while you’re sitting pretty in the left lane, don’t get upset when people, like, oh, say, ME go around you and pass you on the right, no matter if Mom originally taught you not to pass on the right.