Those of you who know me know that I hate endings. Hate them. They make me come unglued, especially after a 15 hour workday and only a few hours of sleep. So it was with a little bit of stupidity that I watched the final episode of my absolute favorite TV show ever, "Sports Night" -- one of the very few episodes I've never seen before. And I am extremely thankful that in the neverending circle of things, Comedy Central aired the series' first episode -- which I've also never seen -- only 10 minutes after I finished watching the final episode on TiVo. It was like as soon as the ending came, so did the beginning and the cycle began again so I didn't have to come unglued and depressed for too long despite the fact that I knew everything that was to come.

But that's not why I came here tonight. I came here to talk about me, as I usually do, and to reference a great line from a great film. A film that helped launch me into the career I'm in today, actually, and that has a kick-ass soundtrack. The film that first paired Samantha Mathis and Christian Slater together, something that has only happened once more in live action film. But I digress.

In the "love scene" in Pump Up The Volume, Christian Slater admits to Samantha Mathis that he can't talk to her. Despite all the talking he does behind the microphone to his fellow students, he can't even get up the guts to speak to her in person. And I know exactly how that is. I can always tell when I have a crush, especially when it's unrequited, because I come unglued when I'm around her or when I have the opportunity to talk to her. Now I'm usually pretty handy as far as conversation goes -- I'm not socially inept and I can hold my own very well, sometimes even better than very well. But it just seems that right now, there's two women in my life who I very much want to impress, but I feel that every time I attempt communication with either of them, I come off like a simpering moron. He who is never at a loss for words... realizes he doesn't know what to say. He who is usually quick-witted and smooth in replies... stumbles over words and says the most mundane and uninteresting (and sometimes abjectly stupid) things. He who can run the gamut in conversation from physics and philosophy to cartoons... resorts to talking shop because he can't think of anything else to say. Even in e-mails or instant messages, I have this problem.

It's annoying, really. Aggravating to the point of despair. And it's something I've really got to get past, otherwise I may never be able to present myself as something more than the sum of my physical appearance, and they'll never see the appeal of my intelligence or my maturity or my personality. On top of that, if I can't even prove myself interesting to be around as a person because of this, then what's the point of keeping me around even just as a friend?

He spends his nights in California
Watching the stars on the big screen
Then he lies awake and he wonders
Why can't that be me
'Cause in his life he is filled with all these good intentions
He's left a lot of things he'd rather not mention right now
But just before he says good night,
He looks up with a little smile at me and he says
"If I could be like that, I would give anything
Just to live one day, in those shoes
If I could be like that, what would I do?"
-- 3 Doors Down, "Be Like That"