New t-shirt:
I'm a lonely Jew working on Good Friday, and while all of you were running around looking for chocolate bunnies and Cadbury Creme Eggs over Easter weekend, all I got was this fucking piece of matzah.
So be kind to your friendly neighborhood Jews, since they're on the Extreme Atkins Diet this week. And whatever you do, please do not taunt the Jews with pizza or bagels or brownies this week. You may not survive.