Since I was a little kid, my parents instilled in me the need to be a responsible planner.  Yes, there’s room for spontaneity in my life, but the major things are all planned out; the huge things were kind of mapped out from the start.  There was no doubt that I would take the courses I needed in junior high and high school to get ahead, then go to college, then start a career and work at a job that would pay me and give me health benefits, etc.  My insurances are always paid up, my bills are never paid late, my precautions are taken to make sure I’m covered no matter what happens and that there are few surprises.  I’m also the organizer, because being responsible means you can get stuff done.  My friends know that I can always be counted on to wrangle whatever needs to be done in order to get an event going.  To some extent, I appreciate the consistency that kind of thing brings.  It’s a bit of a stress-reliever.

But then I see people who live a more carefree life, and while part of my brain screams, “HOW CAN THEY LIVE WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT’S COMING NEXT?!?  HOW DO THEY NOT WORRY ABOUT PAYING THEIR BILLS?!,” there’s also part of my brain that longs for the relaxed attitude that comes with being a little bohemian.  For example, when I was just a few months out of college, a friend of mine from my old college a cappella group called me — he and some guys were putting together a group to sing down in the Virgin Islands for a few months and did I want to be a part of the group?  For a few seconds, I actually considered it, but the responsible part of my brain reminded me that I’d just gotten a job, I had bills and rent to pay, I had certain expectations to fulfill.  I turned him down, though to this day, especially hearing the CDs they recorded while they were down there, I still regret not chucking it all and going.

Another one of my old friends (coincidentally, also from the same a cappella group) took a few months off and decided to break out of his rut by biking cross-country.  Yes, his parents gave him the same questions mine probably would’ve about “do you think this is a good idea?,” but he did it anyway.  (A really well-written account of his trip is posted online here.) While I never would attempt to bike cross-country, I still harbor a fantasy of taking a few months off and just driving around the country and seeing all that’s around to be seen.

I’m several years into a career I like, I’ve still got rent and bills to pay (and probably more bills now than before since part of growing up means having my own place without sharing expenses), I’m in my 30s, I’m in a solid relationship.  The only way I could be living the adult lifestyle more would be to marry my girlfriend, buy a house in suburbia and have a few kids (not that I have plans to do that in the immediate future).  But I’d be lying to you if I said I never got those little urges in the back of my head to just take off for parts unknown to see what would happen, just so I could feel free and unfettered for a little while.