It's past midnight here on the great Western frontier, so Happy Independence Day to y'all. To celebrate, here's five things that make me happy to be an American:

1. I can openly criticize our government without fear of disappearing in the middle of the night.
2. Our über-consumer-oriented way of life allows us to satisfy just about any whims we might have. Well, depending on where you live, it might be a little harder to lay your hands on some things. I mean, if I crave an orange mocha frappuccino at 4AM, I can get one. But we live in a country where you can buy or sell just about anything, including yourself and your body parts. Hell, with enough money, you can buy just about anything.
3. One word: Budweiser.
4. As far as security goes, we're pretty secure. Everyone may think that the Apocalypse is coming to their own downtown area after 9/11 and all those asinine warnings our government keeps issuing, but we really don't have as many bombings, attacks and major disturbances as a lot of other countries.
5. We've steamrolled our culture onto so many places over the world. I actually don't like that about America, but I do like the fact that we are the worldwide center of culture, lifestyle and entertainment. I like being in the thick of things.

Hope everyone has a good long weekend. And remember: if you're lighting fireworks, make sure you let go of them right after you light them and well before they go off. Otherwise, you're dumb enough that you deserve what you get.