Reality Remixed: Like Disco Lemonade
What better place than here?
What better time than now?


Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Hearing the unspoken words of the past
"It's not you... it's me." Of course it's you... do you honestly think I believe there's something wrong with me in this relationship? "I just need some time... some space." Mostly because you won't give me any of my own, so I have to fight for it. When I had an old friend from out of town staying with me for a couple of days, I got into a fight with you because you kept calling me and didn't let me spend any time away from you and then got mad at me when I flat out said I wanted to talk to my friend who I hadn't seen in three years, even though I'd spent time with you the previous night. "I'm not sure where I see this going anymore." That's because you're a compulsive liar, and I can never tell when you're telling the truth. And the worst part is that you make up your own truth, and then believe it. Or is that the pounds of pot you smoke clouding your reality? And is that the reason why your mood can go south on a dime? "I don't think I can give enough of myself to this relationship." That's because I give so much of myself already, and it's never enough for you because you demand so much. But the trouble is that I hardly ever see you putting effort into things. And when I called you on it, you started putting such emphasis on things that it was like a caricature and seemed completely fake. And since you always have to be the center of attention, even when you don't deserve to be, it's so difficult for you to ever relinquish the spotlight and pay attention to someone else... which leads me to the paranoia. Or is that the pot talking again? "I'm just not ready for this kind of thing." I never went beyond a B.A. in Psychology, so since I don't have a Ph.D., I can't be a professional therapist. Which is what you need... I just can't spend this much time trying to take care of you and undo the programming you've written for yourself over the past several years. I want to date an adult who's capable of standing on her own two feet, not one who makes excuses every five seconds to cover her tracks but still believes herself infallible; I want to date someone who's emotionally mature enough to be in the kind of relationship that this is -- or could be. You're right, I may look back on this and think fondly and miss things. But something tells me that you're just a warped person, and I won't miss this much at all. "I'm sure you'll get over me quickly and have no problem finding someone else." Yeah, someone else to drive insane and lean on, like you did with me. I can only hope that sometime, whether it's in a few weeks, months or years even, that you look back and realize how great I was to you and how you threw it away. I get the feeling you won't, though.
Posted by Keith @ 11:11 PM · (0) Trackbacks ·
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