Dear Family Who Has Replaced The Annoying Fuckwad Neighbors And Who Is Quickly Becoming Extremely Annoying Yourselves: You may think it's cute to allow your kids, especially the one who looks and sounds to be about 3 years old, to scream at their top of their lungs early in the morning to accompany their jumping up and down. You may even think it's bad parenting to tell them to shush or to discipline them. Well, let me tell you this: shush them and discipline them, because the next time they wake me up at 6:30am, 7:15am, 7:50am and 8:25am, I'm going to come over there, duct tape them to the wall and fire paintballs at them at close range. Then maybe I'll do the same to you for allowing them to scream and jump, especially at that godforsaken hour of the morning. Love, Me In other news, at this very moment, I'm trying to find a song to play in order to motivate me to shave and shower and go to work. I'm not finding much. Today feels like Led Zeppelin's "When the Levee Breaks," which is my all-time favorite Zeppelin song, except that song always conjures up images of rainy days -- which, as you know, never occur in Los Angeles -- and listening to it now will just make me want to go back to bed.