Things I’ve learned today:

1. Technology has actually gotten better to the point where old guidelines can now be considered old wives’ tales.  For some reason, today I remembered an ex-girlfriend’s admonishments about how I needed to let my laptop and cell phone and iPod batteries drain all the way down, or else it would establish a memory block and not be able to charge all the way up, so you’d actually lose battery life if you kept recharging the batteries before they were completely drained.  Dispelled!  I did a bunch of research, and it turns out that while that used to be true, it’s not anymore, and I can charge stuff to my heart’s content.  In fact, it may actually hurt the batteries if you constantly drain them down to nothing.  So I can rest easy knowing that I’m not hurting my cell phone because I only let it drain halfway before recharging it — when it’s your only phone line, you can’t afford to let that go dead simply due to lack of power.

2. Gold-digging is still alive and well, and people can be pretty blatant about putting it out there.  I was mindlessly poking around The Evil Site That Shall Not Be Named and found a profile where, under the section of “what’s your perfect first date,” she wrote:  “I like to get to know someone in a relaxed setting, preferrably [sic] ... in the summer or in the tropics. It’s so nice when you can relax with someone.” That first part reminds me of that scene in Miss Congeniality where they ask Miss Rhode Island for her perfect date and she responds “April 25th.” [Insert “durrrrrr” here.] The second part makes me think, “What, like everyone has a private jet and can just whisk you down to the tropics to have a first date on a nice beach while cabana boys bring you mojitos?” Sadly, in this town, it wouldn’t surprise me if there were guys who did that, and it doesn’t surprise me that there are women who expect it. 

3. Those Snickers “Feast” commercials continue to amuse me to no end.  Which leads me to the realization that, yes, I still have the propensity to act like a 9 year old.  Then again, on Friday, I publicly presented a good friend with a birthday cake that had written on it in flowing script “Happy Birthday Douchenozzle.” (Photographic evidence here.)

Edited to add:
4. There still remains a time and a place for everything.  I went to the gym this afternoon and walked into the men’s locker room, only to find what could only be described as the World’s Hairiest Man standing stark naked at the sinks.  Seriously, it’s like he was wearing his own homegrown fur coat.  But it wasn’t the hair nor the fact that he was naked that bothered me — sometimes, guys run around the locker room naked, but whatever.  It was the fact that he had shaving cream already applied to his face and his armpits, which meant they were next in line for a razor attack… but at that moment, he was standing in front of the mirror at that moment, shaving his pubes.  Seriously, guy, if you’re going to do that kind of thing (and I realize there are guys who do), do it on your own time when your pubes won’t be spilling all over the sink and everywhere.