Words cannot express my joy at being able to use the word “chickenfucker” on a hapless idiot tonight.

I was on my way home from work (and post-work drinking).  Followed the same route I always do.  Made the same lane changes as I always do in the same places, since I’ve been taking the same route for 2 years and know where it’s best to get over into which lane.  And, as I always do, I crossed Wilshire Boulevard and made a right turn into the Ralph’s parking lot to get to the alley behind my apartment building where my garage is.  And right after I made the turn into the parking lot is when the car in front of me slammed on his brakes.

So I slammed on mine so as not to rear-end him.  I was pissed off… and a little surprised when the guy got out of his car and came back to my driver’s door—at first, I thought maybe he was lost and needed directions and he was just a bad driver which is why he stopped short.  Then I saw the angry expression on his face, and I was thinking, What the hell did I do? Thinking this guy would not be insane enough to try and mug me or shoot me or carjack me in a well-lit and well-populated parking lot, I rolled down my window.

“Why the hell have you been following me?” he yelled at me.  I heard the words, but they were not being processed correctly in my brain, so I said, “What?” and he repeated himself, speaking loudly and slowly as if I didn’t speak English and was one of those people who thought that enunciating and yelling would suddenly make someone understand the language.  Again:  “Why.  The hell.  Have you.  Been.  Following.  Me?” And having not had the best of days, I was already on guard, so I unleashed the fury—addressing him as “chickenfucker,” I carefully explained to him how I lived on the other side of the supermarket and was on my way home, he didn’t have to be so fucking paranoid to automatically think I was following him, and if he didn’t want a scene, he should get in his goddamned car and get the hell out of my way so I can get home.

Properly chastised, he did meekly go back to his car and continued through the parking lot, allowing me to pass so I could get home—although watching to make sure that I actually did head into my garage.  But I think I was most pissed off at the fact that he didn’t even apologize.

By the way?  Everybody may not know it, but the world really is full of stupid people.

The Refreshments - “Banditos”
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