During the highlight reel they show in the studio for the audience warmup for Real Time with Bill Maher, Bill is shown saying a line about “Americans will put up with any kind of mistreatment to get on TV… and I think my guests prove that every week.”

I’ll take that one step further:  Americans will put up with any kind of mistreatment — and even do it to themselves — in order to take the easy way out.  Take this new drug Alli that I’m seeing all these ads for.  Alli is a weight-loss aid that pumps your body full of that orlistat modified-fat stuff they put in potato chips, which makes it hard for your body to digest fat.  Alli promises up to 50% more weight loss purely from blocking fat intake.  Sounds great, right?  Except when I did some reading on the product, I ran across some… interesting, shall we say… side effects.  MSNBC writes:

Dieters have been flocking to drugstores to pick up Alli, the first over-the-counter weight-loss pill to be approved by the Food and Drug Administration, despite the scary warning: Stray too far from your low-fat diet and you just might poop your pants ... “(I)’ve pooped my pants 3 times today, and sorry to get descriptive but it even leaked onto the couch at one point!” writes one user.  It can strike any time — even in the early hours of the morning. One user writes: “(Y)a know how when you start moving around in the morning ya pass a little gas. Well, I did and then went into the bathroom and to my horror I had an orange river of grease running down my leg.”

I don’t know about you, but one of the hallmarks that heralded my arrival as a big boy was my ability to hold it until I could get to a toilet without losing control of my bowels to the point of leakage, and I’d like to think I’ll remain a big boy in that way until my body fails me when I’m old and grey.  The fact that people are willingly doing this to themselves just astounds me, and the fact that people are still willing to take the easy way out despite the risk of pants-pooping and anal leakage… well, I guess that shouldn’t astound me, just make me shake my head and realize why people around the world think Americans are stupid.  I may be part of the 65% of the population here who’s overweight, but I’d rather go to the gym three times a week and beat myself up mentally for the extra weight than have my pizza and then feel it leak through my jeans half an hour later.

Dignity, thy name is not taking Alli.