I've made a new friend. It's because I'm a loser with a soft heart. Or rather, it's because I can't stand PDA, especially when it's rude and blatant and deliberate.

Two nights ago, I was standing out on my patio... umm, well, not really doing much of anything. Pondering life, I suppose. Waiting for a phone call. Either way, there was no one on the street besides me -- until this couple pulled up in their car, parked across the street and began arguing loudly as soon as they got out of the car. They crossed the street, still arguing loudly, until they walked up directly in front of my patio (which is on street-level) -- where the guy grabbed the girl, whirled her around and proceeded to suck her face off for over a minute.

Personally, I'm thinking, "There's sixteen other apartment buildings on this block, none of them with people standing right there. What makes mine so special that you have to neck two feet away from me? Is this guy trying to prove a point that he can hook up with his girlfriend? Really, I'm unimpressed." And I tried so hard not to look at them because I was so put off that I ended up looking down into the bushes in front of our patio, which is where I saw my new friend.

This all-black cat was standing there in the bushes, looked up, saw me and began yowling. I'm not exaggerating. I'm a bit thankful because it drove the face-sucking couple away, but then the cat jumped up onto my patio wall and then began yowling at me some more. So I did the appropriate thing: I asked my roommate if he wouldn't mind fetching the can of tuna fish out of my cupboard in the kitchen, opening it up and bringing it out to me.

The cat put away the entire can of tuna -- which is a lot for a cat, and I've never seen one eat so much before -- and then I became its new best friend. Purrs louder than construction noises erupted from somewhere within this fluffy thing. And I eventually had to pick the cat up and gently throw it over the porch wall and onto the driveway so I could escape back into my apartment without it running inside after me. Plus, allergies soon set in and I was itching and sneezing and swelling.

Last night, my roommate and I were sitting in the living room watching the aforementioned Swordfish where he says to me, "Your friend is back." Apparently, the cat remembered me fondly and was sitting patiently at our screen door again. When I stood up to see what my roommate was talking about, the cat spotted me and started yowling again. Alas, I had no more tuna and the cat yowled itself out and left after 20 minutes.