From: TiVo
To: Keith
Subject: WTF, man??
Body: So here I am, happily perusing the channels and watching The Megan Mullally Show and 30-Minute Meals and Spin City reruns like I usually do while you’re away at work since I have the cable at my command, and then I get… the request.  I almost shudder to repeat it, because it almost make me scream in agony just to say the name of He Who Shall Not Be Named.  I mean, for cryin’ out loud… you put in a request for me to record the goddamn O’Reilly Factor.  What the hell’s going on here?  You’re all about The Daily Show and Countdown with Keith Olbermann and all that liberal stuff, which I’m fine with and support.  But Bill Idiot O’Reilly?  Did you have a stroke or something?

From: Keith
To: TiVo
Subject: RE: WTF, man??
Body: Dear Stupid Machine That I Thoroughly Worship,
If you’d paid a little more attention to the listings, you’d note that my close, warm and personal pal Stephen Colbert was on today’s episode of the show that stupid moron O’Reilly does in a loud voice.  I wanted to see Colbert bring some truthiness to Fox’s front door.  Oh yes, it’s already been broughten… but I haven’t seen it yet, because it was on while I was at work, so I needed you to record it.  Oh, and I also wanted to see what Blowhard Bill said about the story that’s been consuming my work life for the past three days.

Oh, and… I really don’t need to know about your daytime viewing habits while I’m gone.  No wonder why you recorded all those home-improvement shows in Spanish before I turned off the “Record Suggested Shows” option.