John Mason, the fiancé of so-called “runaway bride” Jennifer Wilbanks, declared himself a “born-again virgin.” Apparently, after several years of debauchery, Mason decided no more!  He gave up partying and shenanigans and became chaste—and I guess that’s how he came to the conclusion that he’s a “born-again virgin.” As MSNBC Countdown host Keith Olbermann said, “When did they change the rules on this one?” Apparently, both Keith and I were under the impression that once you have sex with someone, you’re no longer a virgin and you never get it back… hence the expression ”losing your virginity.” And that’s one loss you never get back.

And Texas lawmakers are saving us all from ourselves by banning sexy cheerleading from high schools.  Thank God for the lawmakers!  What you didn’t see was bill sponsor Representative Al Edwards talking to The Daily Show about how sexy cheerleading leads to “the herpes” and “the AIDS” and “the kids getting pregnant and dropping out of school.” Yes, because in a state where the kids have one of the lowest high-school graduation rates in the nation and the 47th-highest SAT scores in the nation, imposing some non-specific law that says “sexy cheerleading is banned”—without, of course, defining what sexy cheerleading is—will definitely benefit the kids the most.