Here's some questions for you to ponder... don't spend too much time trying to answer them, because doing so would just be participating in the absurd futility that is America. 1. In Los Angeles, the City Council is voting to outlaw lap dances and establish a "six-foot buffer zone," as it were, between dancers and audiencemembers. There's already a law that says you can't drink alcoholic beverages in full-nude clubs. So basically, you can't drink and you can't get anywhere near the dancers... what's the damn point of going to a strip club? You could probably spend a whole lot less money just staying home, buying a porno on pay-per-view while pounding back some Jack-and-Cokes. 2. In a press conference today, President Bush acknowledged that Saddam Hussein had no role in the 9/11 attacks. So why the hell did we go into Iraq and level the place, especially after he explicitly said during his Presidential campaign that he didn't think it was right for us to go running around the world acting like policemen? And how gullible does he think we are, telling us that he's "not surprised the public made the connection" between Saddam Hussein and 9/11, while he did nothing to discourage it and in fact encouraged it? 3. In a related question, the head of the General Accounting Office says that we are on track to have a record deficit of $500 billion next year -- in his words, a "disaster" -- and yet our Fearless Leader wants to spend how many billions of dollars of my hard-earned money building up a country he can't explain why he leveled? 4. When Hurricane Isabel was approaching the East Coast, the meteorologists all said it would hit "somewhere between Jacksonville and New York." Umm... they pay people to make those kind of predictions? Why can't they pay me to make those kinds of predictions? I can say things like that. "Hey, here in Los Angeles, the sun will probably come out some time tomorrow, and it'll probably become night at some point as well."