I've seen a number of people starting to take stock of their lives recently, and it seems like it's open season on revealing your innermost secrets, most personal thoughts and tragedies, and things you wish you could take back or do over. I have no problems with this. It could be the coming of the fresh season where people air out their problems as well as their houses. It's what blogs were made for, if that's what their owners choose to do with them. It's a good thing that these issues are coming out, because otherwise they'll build up inside you until you blow up and either go running around your town armed with a Super Soaker and a murderous rage, or you ball up on your bedroom floor crying uncontrollably for days on end. I know this because I have considered doing one or the other at particular points in my life.

It's been remarked by Jen that this website seems to have gone for the "new, bitter-free remix" (her words, not mine, although I like it). It's true -- I tried to leave as much emotional baggage as I could on the East Coast. And quite frankly, I have good cause not to be bitter anymore. I finally feel like I'm getting mine. I don't mean to rub it in and I don't mean to dwell on it, but I'm really happy for the first time in a long time and I think a lot of it has to do with doing something with my life that I enjoy. I hardly ever think about Evil Controlling Abusive Ex-Girlfriend Who Made My Life Hell For Two Years now. I don't argue with people as much anymore. It's kind of an odd feeling. It's like an all-natural version of Prozac. (And it comes complete with its own side-effect of weight gain just like Prozac does, though I think my particular situation has to do with all the food that appears in my workplace.)

It comes with its disadvantages. As with most cynics who are finding out what it's like to be a shiny happy person, I feel like I'm losing my edge. There's that acerbic, sardonic, smartass and sarcastically cutting edge that I seem to be missing. I don't go after people or issues with the ferocity that I used to, I don't debate as readily as I used to. So the question is, I suppose, at what cost happiness? It's like a mood change has made me a different person, not just changed my perspective on a few things.

I'm not quite sure how to deal with this. I'm still discovering some of the side effects -- a disturbing one is that I sometimes don't seem to be able to hold a conversation, because the words just don't seem to come out as flowingly as I used to be able to speak, especially around certain people. It's very odd. I sometimes feel like stopping myself in the middle of a conversation and telling people, "My apologies while I regress. The speech center in my brain seems to be de-evolving." I dunno. Maybe I'm just being too self-conscious about sounding dumb to others.

So there's my spring headcleaning. Maybe I should just stop thinking so much. Or maybe I need to start carrying my fiery-hot poker around again.