They told me this week was supposed to be quiet. Nothing happens before Christmas. And on top of it all, my birthday was sneaking up on me. I was totally unaware that my world would be rocked not once, but twice this week, and in the two main parts of my life: professionally and socially.

Professionally, I'm fairly apprehensive about this promotion. I think it's going to be a lot of work, I think it's going to be trial by fire, I'm not even sure the Powers That Be at work have a plan laid out, and if I screw up, there's going to be a lot of eyes watching both in my company and in the entire industry. They're putting a lot of faith in me, and while I appreciate it and I wanted to move up, I'm literally being thrown into the fray.

Socially, I'm still in shock over the blow that was dealt to me tonight. I came home from work after the usual 14-hour Tuesday and began chatting online with my best friend. One thing led to another somehow, and we plunged into a discussion about her life as it is at the moment. Specifically, her relationship with this guy she's been involved with has taken a turn for the very serious, and yet she's kept this from me. She says I shouldn't take it personally, that she's a private person and that she's kept it from other people, not just me, but I can't help but take it personally. Someone who I felt very close to was not sharing her life with me, and it felt like a betrayal -- especially since it was all coming at once and this is something that's been building over the past few months, but I had no idea and was -- for the second time in two days -- blindsided.

In the course of things, it came out that her social life is changing. All this time, I had been under the impression that she was busy with her schoolwork (she's getting her MBA) and things would return to normal after she graduated in April and I'd be seeing more of her... but apparently, that's not to be after all.

She says that she's re-evaluating a lot of things, and among them, her social activities. She feels like she wants to spend a lot of time with this guy, and she's been curtailing her social life with a lot of people as well. She no longer does a lot of the things she used to. And since he's not too keen on going out and meeting people, she's not dragging him along to meet her friends, and since she wants to spend time with him, she's just being with him. She's been distancing herself from me and her other friends for a little while now, and while I noticed it, I was led to believe it was mostly due to her overwhelming amount of schoolwork, which reinforced to me my belief that once April rolled around and she graduated, we'd be spending more time together again.

The final blow came when she revealed that since she would feel a little uncomfortable if he hung out with female friends, she feels it's only fair not to put herself in too many social situations where she's hanging out with her male friends. Being that I'm male, this poses an additional roadblock. She had mentioned that we hadn't seen each other much because she's been short on cash and I told her that cash didn't matter, that I just enjoyed spending time with her even if it was as simple as me hauling my DVD player over to her place and watching a movie, and she leveled me with the news that since she didn't feel comfortable with her boyfriend hanging out with female friends, she felt it wouldn't be right for me to come over and hang out at her place or she at mine anymore either.

This is someone I've known for almost ten years now. She is one of the people -- if not the person -- I am closest to on this entire planet. She's been my trusted consigliere for years. And now, this sudden news that not only am I going to be seeing her less, but that our friendship is being redefined.

I should feel happy for her that she's found this guy that she's so happy to be with. It happens so rarely these days that I celebrate it whenever it takes place. But I'm trying very hard not to feel selfish when I think of how alone I suddenly feel. And how betrayed I feel by the fact that she was keeping all of this from me. I feel like my confidence in how she views our friendship is shaken to the core, and I feel like I've lost someone very close to me. Despite her apologies and her statements that she was keeping this from a lot of people and she's gone through this same situation with a couple of her other close friends so it wasn't personal and especially not towards me... I still feel shaken and betrayed and very, very alone. Hell, if I were going through this situation involving anyone else, she would be the person that I would go talk to about it, but the fact that it's her makes it doubly hard because now I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it.

I find it hard to lay blame on anyone; this is not a situation where blame could be involved. As someone who I care about, I want her to be as happy as possible, and if that means spending time with her boyfriend, I can't deny her that. As much as I am furious with her for not keeping me up to speed on the situation earlier, which might have made the blow a little more easy on me had it come gradually, I know she's a private person and needs to work out stuff in her own head before she brings it up to others and that's just the way she is.

I just feel like I have nowhere to go and no one to talk to. I'm sorry to repeat myself, but my world was rocked tonight, and not at all in a good way. I guess this is one of those times when you find out how much you really can depend on yourself to be self-sustainable without crumbling.

Now that I know what I'm without,
You can't just leave me.
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life.

Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
Call my name and save me from the dark.
Bid my blood to run
Before I come undone.
Save me from the nothing I've become.

-- Evanescence, "Bring Me To Life"