I had thought that if I hadn't really reacted to the events of September 11th already, I probably wasn't going to. In some way, that disturbed me, given the extremely tragic events of that day. And if I was able to actually visit the site and not start crying or something like that, then I thought I'd be safely past it. It's like it's not real to me. My opinions and recollections were purely clinical, and that actually kind of bothered me because I felt like I should at least feel something.

My roommates and some friends were watching the HBO documentary about 9/11 on Monday afternoon, and I wandered into the living room and sat down on the couch. I watched about 5 minutes before I had to leave the room. I couldn't watch any more. Tears were forming in my eyes, and for the first time since the tragedy, I went to my room and cried for all those people whose lives were abruptly cut short that day, and the senseless violence that took them.

I'm not quite sure why it took so long, and why HBO was the trigger. Maybe it was just a really well-put-together special (since HBO usually does a great job with things like this), maybe it was just time, maybe it was a combination of finally realizing what took place that day combined with the fact that I have no idea when I'll ever see New York again.