It’s that time of year when the appropriate thing to do is look at the Year in Review. So forgive me if I peel back the curtain on the Great and Powerful Oz and write straight without trying to amuse, despite my usual tendencies.
It was an interesting year, to say the least. I partied with rock stars and partied like a rock star. I made new friends, lost some old friends, gained back some of those lost friends and then lost them again as they moved away. I spent about 20,000 miles behind the wheel of a car. I dated a few woman and — uncharacteristically — broke things off myself instead of just letting things slowly crash & burn, which means I must be getting mature in my old age. I performed on a stage in front of other people for the first time in 7 years. I saw some great bands perform live, and I’ll probably become deaf all the sooner because of them. I was an extra in a movie (but I guess it never really went anywhere). I went to Hawaii for the first time ever, and I also went on my first cruise ever.
However, 2005 was not a great year for me. Something was supposed to occur this year that was supposed to change my life very much for the better and put me a lot farther down the path of where I thought I was going and where I wanted to go. Obviously, nothing happened, and I spent the year waiting… and waiting… and riding the emotional rollercoaster as I imagined what would happen when the event occurred and then crashing hard as I worried about what would happen if it didn’t. The constant push-and-pull, as well as the intense amounts of stress it generated, took its toll on me in a number of different ways — and I still don’t have resolution. Not only that, but because of the whole mess, I basically put my life on hold for a while and didn’t move forward in other areas that I could have because I was waiting for things to resolve. I’ve slowly started to rectify that by beginning to live life again and not worrying about what may or may not happen days, weeks or months down the road — but in some ways, I feel that despite all that I’ve done this year, 2005 was kind of a wasted year… and while I’m not going to die tomorrow, I don’t really have a year to waste either.
So here’s me, raising a glass and hoping that 2006 will bring something that 2005 could not. I don’t know what that is, and I’m not allowing myself the privilege of thinking about it, because doing that is part of what got me into trouble this year. And despite having only myself to rely on, I’m calling out to the Powers That Be for their support, and I’m pleading with Fate and Karma to give me that push that this year lacked.
If I happen to not write again this week, then I wish you all a Happy New Year, thanks for coming along for the ride this year, and I’ll see you on the flipside. I’ll close out the year with something that seems to be my theme song of late. Download etiquette applies.