Given that for some reason, I've been asked by more than one female friend about how to approach issues with their relatively-new boyfriends, I'm going to put up a nice little list of guidelines and facts about how to handle men in the opening stages of relationships for your reading pleasure. In case anyone asks me again about this, I'll just refer them here.

The Basic Rules for Dealing with Men in the Opening Stages of Relationships
as given by the Platonic Male Friend

1. Men are dense. As a rule. Hinting about places you want to go, things you want to do or information you want out of us will do you no good except to aggravate you. If you want something, ask directly for it. Men aren't subtle in the least, we don't know the ways of subtlety at all. We can't send or receive on the subtle wavelength. We're not going to rear back and bite your arm off if you ask us a question or make a request. Well, most of us won't.

2. As with any relationship on both sides, men are suave in the beginning. We will do romantic things that will sweep you off your feet. We will make you feel like queens of the world. But over time, that starts to cool off. Nick Hornby was completely right when he wrote in High Fidelity about how in the beginning, things are new and the problems are cute like "we've seen the same movies and don't want to go again" and the underwear is exciting, but when things cool down, real problems erupt and the underwear is only occasionally exciting. So don't expect us to be able to perpetually wow you with the same kinds of dates. After a month or two, we're going to have cut back on the spending (unless we're making good money) and also things will settle into "comfortability" as opposed to "making a great impression." The worst thing you can say to a guy is "you used to take me out all over the place, etc." Once you're past the initial stages, it's time to really get to know each other, and it's hard to do that over dinner and dancing at some impressive, flashy and loud club downtown. Besides, how come you can't take us out or make the plans one night if you want to do something special?

3. Men wouldn't mind some wooing as well. E-mails, gifts, called-to-say-I-had-a-great-time, etc. A little positive reinforcement goes a long way.

4. Don't set up specific guidelines or procedures for each stage of the relationship. He doesn't have to introduce you as his girlfriend by any specific time, he doesn't have to take you to see his parents by a certain week, he doesn't have to gain approval from your cat by the third time he stays over. The acts themselves help, but the timing shouldn't be a dealbreaker. There are more important dealbreakers to contend with.

There's a few others, but they're not as important. And I should probably go work out and shower so I can go grocery shopping already because I'm hungry. That's one side effect I miss about being in deep like -- I stop eating and I never get hungry so I end up losing weight, and that's one of the main ways I can tell when I'm falling for someone. My freshman year of college, I fell in deep like for the first time in my life and I lost 35 pounds instead of gaining the freshman 15. Of course, since I am the PMF, it was unrequited and I lost five pounds very quickly at the end of the year when she started dating someone. And now, since it's been a long time since I've been in deep like, I'm eating which makes me feel more unattractive (and probably actually does make me more unattractive, hence the reason why I should go work out).