List of Things This Jew Will Do to Ruin Christmas:
1. Tell kids that Santa is a slave laborer and that elves don’t really exist—they’re just misunderstood midgets.
2. Decorate a giant holiday tree in a mall store with tin foil creations shaped like animals that actually have leftover food inside them, then let the food slowly go bad and stink up the place.
3. Convince people to help me make reindeer by catching real deer and stapling red noses on them.
4. Call the ACLU and then hold a press conference to announce I’m suing the Vatican because my holiday isn’t being represented on the same level as Christmas.
5. Club a baby seal in public.
6. Wake up at 4am every day between now and Christmas and go around with a boombox Lloyd Dobler-style, waking everyone up by blasting Spinal Tap’s “Christmas With the Devil” and that stupid “Christmas Wrapping” song by The Waitresses over and over and over and over…

Linkin Park - “My December”
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