With my brain in completely disarray, I did what I usually do when things are not right in Keithland—I cleaned.  And things must’ve been really scrambled in my head because this is the cleanest my apartment has looked in a good long while.  Not only that, but I also went through some closets and cabinets to clean and organize some stuff in there too.  Sadly, the experience didn’t bring me the inner shine that I’d hoped would reflect the living area shine.  All it brought me was a sliced-up and bleeding right hand (don’t ask—cleaning’s a dangerous art) and more questions… including why the hell do I have an air filter for a 2001 Acura Integra, a car I’ve never owned?

Meanwhile, I’m happy that retailers at least held off until November to roll out the Christmas decorations and radio stations waited until after Halloween to kick off the all-Christmas playlists, but I’m still bah-humbuging and grumbling that the season is still starting too early.  Does anyone else remember when the day after Thanksgiving marked the beginning of the Christmas season?  Not only that, but it seems some people are getting a little pushy about it, like the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights, who are claiming that Wal-Mart is discriminating against Christmas and asking for an apology because the company is “insulting Christians by effectively banning Christmas” since Wal-Mart has decided to go the multifaith route with their generic “Happy Holidays” greetings.

Being Jewish, I’m a little oversensitive to having Christmas foisted on me, but according to a press release I got today from VH1, it’s apparently “never been hipper to be a Jew,” what with Madonna’s foray into Kabbalah and Jon Stewart becoming America’s newest sex symbol.  Yes, we do have some pretty notable ranks, which has been pounded into all of our heads by Adam Sandler, but now VH1 is bursting with fruit flavor to bring you So Jewtastic! this holiday season.  From the press release:  “The show will answer questions like:  Are Jews crunk?  [Ed. note: Sure, why not?  The Beastie Boys opened that door, and now the rest of us are just pouring through it] and what’s the deal with Jewish stereotypes (Money, Sex and Sports)?  [Ed. note: Well, stereotypes usually come about because there’s a shred of truth to them.  We’re rich, we’re great in bed, and most of us have absolutely no aptitude for sports whatsoever.  Oh, and we control Hollywood, so we get to make ourselves look good in the media.] Thanks to a mensch-laden panel of pundits, yentas and moils, So Jewtastic will also circumcise the old ideas about Jewish mothers, de-Jewing your name and figure out once and for all why Jews are so funny. So put down that gefilte fish and pop open some Manischewitz, being Jewish has never been So Jewtastic!”

And there’s one more reason for me to destroy MTV Networks when I take over the world.  In the meantime, enjoy these sonic selections as pertaining to my mindset.  Right-click and save as, my fellow holiday shoppers.

The Pixies - “Where Is My Mind?”
Blink 182 - “I Won’t Be Home for Christmas”