I'm beginning to believe that Tom Ridge, Director of Homeland Security, is in cahoots with Pfizer, makers of such fine pharmaceutical products as Xanax. Maybe he's a stockholder. That's the only conclusion I can come to after another in a series of vague and nondescriptive warnings from Ridge that there's a credible Al-Qaida threat, but we don't know when or where or how they're going to strike. I mean, all the man's doing is just ratcheting up the collective anxiety level of Americans all over the country. He's getting us all riled up, as if we didn't have enough to worry about already what with the unemployment and the crime and the fear that a giant meteor will come screaming out of space and destroy the Earth. Now we have to worry about terrorists in our midst who may strike whenever and wherever. And we don't even know who they are! Your neighbor could be a terrorist! Your cat could be a terrorist! And you won't know until it's too late! It's no good to give us these vague warnings -- because all they are are CYA warnings, so that on the chance that something does happen, our government can point back and say, "See? We told you something was going to happen! Our intelligence services work!" But all they're doing is making us all crazy and paranoid and suspiciously look at everyone around us. So the next time that Fluffy carpet-bombs the litterbox, feel free to refrain from calling Tom Ridge and telling him the terrorists have struck at home.