Dear Woman Annoying Girl at Ralph’s,

There are several things that could’ve been done to halt the sequence of events last night at the supermarket that resulted in you giving me a dirty look.  First, don’t make such a ruckus with your boyfriend by standing there in line at the checkout counter, TALKING TO HIM IN SUCH A LOUD TONE OF VOICE THAT PEOPLE WAY BACK IN PRODUCE CAN HEAR YOU.  That’s a definite attention-getter.  Second, if you’re going to wear something over your white wifebeater, make sure it covers all of your top and you don’t cut the collar off to make it look like Jennifer Beals wore it when Flashdance came out in 1983 and then stretched it out to the point where an oil drum could pass through the collar before discarding it.  Third — and this is the most important part — wear a freaking bra so that when people see a large spot on your gleaming white wifebeater and think maybe you schlopped some chocolate or something on it accidentally, it would actually be that instead of your damn nipple showing through the shirt.  Fourth, if you’re going to ignore all of my advice and go ahead and do things your way anyway, then don’t get pissed when people look at you.  You’re obviously screaming for attention, so don’t complain if any of it is unwanted.