And now, a play re-enacting Keith's day. The part of Keith will be played by a fish, specifically a largemouth bass. SCENE: Bedroom, gawdawfully early, Keith in bed SOUND CUE: Alarm KEITH: [appropriate fish noises] [puffing gills] ACTION: KEITH uses tail to hit alarm's SNOOZE button several times SCENE: Gym, 45 minutes later MANY PEOPLE milling around in the background, doing various exercise-type activities PERSONAL TRAINER: Push! Feel the burn! Can you feel the burn?! Give me five more, only five more! KEITH: [appropriate fish noises] [puffing gills] KEITH: [thinking: Dammit, I wish I had vocal cords so I could remind this bastard that I'm a fish and I have no arms so I can't give him any pushups at all!] SCENE: An office building, a few hours later CUBE FARM WORKERS silently doing various tasks SOUND CUE: KENNY G playing on KEITH's computer KEITH: [appropriate fish noises] KEITH flails tail around, not accomplishing much KEITH: [thinking: Dammit, who's the wise guy who put this awful music on? If only I had opposable thumbs and could change the CD...] SCENE: Apartment building, dark laundry room WASHER and DRYER are both running and making appropriate machinery noises KEITH is inside washer along with a load of white clothing KEITH: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! SCENE: Apartment building, the bedroom where the day began CLOTHES are dumped on the bed KEITH is flailing around on the bed as well, not accomplishing much at all KEITH: [appropriate fish noises] [puffing gills] KEITH: [thinking: Dammit, those opposable thumbs would reeeeeeally come in handy right now... how am I supposed to fold the laundry and put a decent DVD in the machine without them?] END. CURTAIN.