Dear World,

How am I supposed to function on a daily basis and actually, you know, accomplish stuff when you keep presenting me with such chickenfuckery that it makes me need to sit down and breathe normally instead of doing the Hulk Smash—or, at the very least, hold a symposium on the topic being addressed?  Take, for example, the lovely example of a woman who was sitting next to me at dinner a couple of nights ago.  I’m not usually the kind of guy who flirts shamelessly with people sitting at tables around me—I leave that up to people in sitcoms—but if the opportunity presents itself, why not?  So when she took it upon herself to ask me what I was reading, I thought, “Hmm… she’s interested in what I’m reading.  Maybe that means she’s a reader, and she’s interested in someone else who reads!  Bonus!  Let’s see where this goes.” I lifted up the book and showed her the front so she could read the title:  The Best Time Travel Short Stories of the 20th Century.  I figured this would sound off alarm bells that I like science fiction (which does, oddly enough, turn off some people), so if she responds in kind, that’s a Good Thing™.

Her facial expression wasn’t signalling revulsion!  This was good!  So then it made it all the worse when the next question out of her mouth was, “Oh… is that all fiction, or are there some non-fiction stories in there too?”

Love,
Keith

1 Giant Leap featuring Robbie Williams & Maxi Jazz - “My Culture”
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